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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not forget a kids party

112 replies

Comeonicandoit · 22/02/2025 22:02

My kid had her birthday party this afternoon. It was at a place where you are charged per child, and you confirm two weeks before how many will attend.
We had 17 kids confirm (more than we’d have guessed!!), but four didn’t turn up today. That includes two siblings so three families. They absolutely know where the venue is as we have been there before for other parties. I checked the invite and and info was accurate, and I definitely didn’t receive any apologies. I paid £16 per child so I lost out on £64. This isn’t spare change to me 😔. Plus There was food wasted and extra party bags brought home, and I can’t help but feel very disappointed. Mostly, and because I’m an anxious sort, I’m
now so anxious about what will be said at the school gates. Will they ignore me? Will they even realise if they forgot?!

YABU - get over it
YANBU - that’s rubbish

OP posts:
Parker231 · 23/02/2025 09:45

cookingthebooks · 23/02/2025 09:42

I would give the benefit of doubt tbh. There are so many bugs around atm and the last thing you’re thinking about when you’ve been up all night with a poorly child, sat in an out of hours at 3am or you’ve caught whatever they have yourself…is the party you were supposed to be at. I’ve certainly done this by accident and equally it’s happened to us when we’ve thrown our parties. It’s, in my opinion, part and parcel of parties!

Why didn’t they send an apology in these circumstances? No excuse.

Loveduppenguin · 23/02/2025 09:44

menopausalmare · 23/02/2025 09:42

I hate organising children's birthdays for this reason. Be brazen and, when you see them next, ask what happened and say how disappointed you were not to see them. Really lay it on thick. Even if they had a family emergency, I would expect a message of apology. Definitely don't invite them again.

you sound delightful…🤣🤣🤣

menopausalmare · 23/02/2025 09:42

I hate organising children's birthdays for this reason. Be brazen and, when you see them next, ask what happened and say how disappointed you were not to see them. Really lay it on thick. Even if they had a family emergency, I would expect a message of apology. Definitely don't invite them again.

cookingthebooks · 23/02/2025 09:42

I would give the benefit of doubt tbh. There are so many bugs around atm and the last thing you’re thinking about when you’ve been up all night with a poorly child, sat in an out of hours at 3am or you’ve caught whatever they have yourself…is the party you were supposed to be at. I’ve certainly done this by accident and equally it’s happened to us when we’ve thrown our parties. It’s, in my opinion, part and parcel of parties!

Marylou2 · 23/02/2025 09:40

YANBU. It's pretty standard. But on the upside, it helps you to identify the flaky people early and not bother with them in future.

Bigfellabamboo · 23/02/2025 09:39

changednameagain1234 · 22/02/2025 22:08

I once took my daughter to a soft play party when she was younger, not one other child apart from the birthday boy turned up.

my heart broke for him and his parents, so pleased we went though!!

That's so sad 😢

Loveduppenguin · 23/02/2025 09:38

RedPlumJammy · 23/02/2025 08:22

No but pps point is that as a functioning adult you don’t miss things like this either basic organising skills. It’s called respect and manners.

Show quote history

And sometimes adults are going through shit that means they are not “functioning” at 100% and things get missed ffs…why are people so easily insulted these days. We cannot remember everything ALL the time! Get a calendar they say, fine, most of the time I do put things on the calendar and sometimes oh hang on…I forget! God you must be all so perfect…

JMSA · 23/02/2025 09:38

YANBU. It's rude and inconsiderate behaviour. I've never once forgotten a child's party, and my 3 went to parties before smartphones were around to remind me!

DutchCowgirl · 23/02/2025 09:35

I’ve had it twice with children from divorced parents, who are with their dad every other weekend and don’t speak to eachother. It is just difficult and there are only losers in this scenario. And I just felt so sorry for the kid.

Parker231 · 23/02/2025 09:31

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

If the child is ill, you contact and apologise that you won’t be attending. It’s bad manners. You wouldn’t behave like that at work.

Parker231 · 23/02/2025 09:28

It’s bad manners and poor organisation skills - no excuse. It’s not difficult to put the details in the family calendar/diary. Unfortunately some people always have an excuse - there isn’t one.

i hope they are embarrassed - remember not to invite them next year.

Eldermilleniallyogii · 23/02/2025 09:24

Did they RSVP to say they would come?

If so I think it's really poor for not to turn up and not to send apologies. You shouldn't have to remind them the day before either.

I don't think you should be embarrassed about seeing them at school. They are the ones in the wrong! They should be embarrassed!

I wouldn't invite them again.

ohyesherewego · 23/02/2025 09:20

I always message a couple of days before hosting a party checking if there are any food allergies- really my message is intended to remind people not to forget the party is in a couple of days..!

uglyjessie · 23/02/2025 09:10

I would have sent a reminder text "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 11am"

Not showing up is rude but people do forget

fatphalange · 23/02/2025 09:03

Most people who don't turn up are being rude, not forgetful. Children who are looking forward to parties wouldn't let their parents forget! There is going shopping for the present, excited chatter about what they'll do at the party, talk in class about it etc
Not having the balls to get in touch to let the party parent know they can no longer be arsed (insert excuse) is doubly rude.

Serene135 · 23/02/2025 09:01

Some people can be incredibly rude. Often a no show can unfortunately be because they just can’t be bothered or got a better offer. If someone was ill or there was an emergency surely they would have text to apologise. Take it on the chin, OP. Don’t contact the parents and tell them you’re annoyed; just don’t invite their children to anything else in future. We have got a party bag box containing lots of little bits. Just put leftover party bag things in there and use them in the future.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 23/02/2025 08:38

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

I’d expect an apologetic message in the morning letting me know they wouldn’t be coming

BellissimoGecko · 23/02/2025 08:26

BlondiePortz · 22/02/2025 23:50

It is rude not to contact but I would move on , I do wonder with the idea that people are meant to invite everyone in the class how on earth parents manage to fit all the parties and keep up with which child is going to which party when and then unexpected things happen

Parents would need their own PA, if you need to pay for people I would confirm but that is why we have a bit of food and kids show up if they do there is no extra cost parties

You have a diary in which you write the party and time on the correct date. You buy a gift, check your diary and turn up. It's not difficult.

RedPlumJammy · 23/02/2025 08:22

BooomShakeTheRoom · 23/02/2025 08:13

A kids party isn’t akin to an important work meeting or flight though - at all.

Show quote history

No but pps point is that as a functioning adult you don’t miss things like this either basic organising skills. It’s called respect and manners.

mitogoshigg · 23/02/2025 08:21

Unfortunately this often happens, people forget, something else comes up or they are sick. Perhaps choose to have a party at home next time, that's an awfully large amount to spend on a kids party

RedPlumJammy · 23/02/2025 08:20

Unacceptable and no excuses or busy lives make it ok.

Op my child once had a bday invite sent home but it was stuffed at the bottom of his bag and I didn’t find it until a couple of days before (after the rsvp cut off). I text the mum straight away and explained and said he’d love to come. She told me it was too late and he was no longer invited basically 🥺

After that I personally never did paper invites again!!

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:18

Ohplesandbanonos · 22/02/2025 22:33

For future - I always make a reason to text 2 or 3 days before the party - 'just checking no allergies/all still coming/please make sure you register your car's number plate' etc.

We've been lucky, the 2 or 3 who've had something come up let us know at that point and we have been able to invite family friends or neighbours to come make up the party.

I messaged day before my daughters 5th 'just to let you know, party will be outside, in case you want to bring sunscreen/hat" and still had 3 not come.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:15

PeloMom · 23/02/2025 01:42

To be fair with all the illnesses going around I’d expect few no shows.

Absolutely, but I would expect a message saying " so sorry, X can't come as unwell. Hope X has a lovely time, will give you their present on school run'

Bushmillsbabe · 23/02/2025 08:14

TheChosenTwo · 22/02/2025 22:43

Dc2 was meant to go to a party once during half term and we just completely bloody forgot. I had bought and wrapped the present in advance which was so rare for me and come the day of the party it just totally slipped my mind.
remembered on the Sunday before being back to school. Felt awful and texted the party parents apologising. They were so lovely about it but I did feel terrible.
we gave the birthday boy their present at school and invited him back to play one day and have dinner in the week.
Yanbu to feel pissed off but you had already spent that money already so whether they turned up or not you would have been down £64. Sorry though, it’s crap when us parents forget stuff but I’d guess it’s not intentional.

Giving the present shows that it was a genuine mistake. 3 didn't show to my daughters 5th, 1 messaged on day 'sorry we have other plans now' and 2 just didn't show. No apology, no present, so most likely were never planning on coming, despite confirming

BooomShakeTheRoom · 23/02/2025 08:13

Notgivenuphope · 23/02/2025 00:11

no it isn't. you wouldn't forget an important work meeting, the day you catch a flight, make an important payment or something your really want to do because you write it down, set reminders and make sure you are there.

Show quote history

A kids party isn’t akin to an important work meeting or flight though - at all.