Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have made DH change the nappy?

85 replies

NappyArgument · 22/02/2025 21:20

I need your opinion on if IABU or not.

DD is 8 months old and needed her nappy changing earlier. I made DH do it. He wasn’t happy about it, as he was carrying her off to do it he muttered something like “I can’t believe you’re making me do this” and then I started tidying her toys up while they were gone and he said “you’d best not be coming in here”. Then he shouted DDs name really harshly at her, I said what’s wrong and started heading in and he said “she’s moving around!”. I said I was coming and don’t shout at her like that, it’s not her fault. Then he shouted “she’s got shit all up her arse!” and I said I’m coming and he stormed off and I changed the nappy. When I got back into the room he was pretending to be asleep so I brought DD up for a bath and I’m now feeding her to sleep.

In my defence, this was the only nappy he would have changed today. He hasn’t been pulling his weight at home at all. Baths are supposed to be “his” job with DD but I’ve done the past 4 out of 5. He’s also supposed to do the bins/recycling but I’ve been having to pick that up a lot too.

In his defence, he has a manual job and he’s struggling at work at the minute and not been sleeping well so was tired and just wanted to stay sat on the sofa.

He gave me an hour off this morning to shower and do my hair and he made us all breakfast. We had a nice day out and when we got home, he went upstairs for an hour on his own while I fed DD and the dogs and tidied the kitchen. I don’t know if this bit is relevant but felt like I should add it.

So what do you think - AIBU to have made him do the nappy?

OP posts:
NameChanges123 · 22/02/2025 21:48

He sounds like a lazy arse!

Salacia · 22/02/2025 21:45

AmyW9 · 22/02/2025 21:40

YANBU and there's a lot to unpack here.

But as a smaller point to add - having a shower and getting to do your hair is NOT a break!

Agree - washing is a basic hygiene need. You may as well say brushing your teeth is a break.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/02/2025 21:45

Msmoonpie · 22/02/2025 21:41

There ought to be a symbol of some kind for a thread when one of these men is identified.

A big fat cross maybe.

Red flag or Red bunting.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/02/2025 21:44

NappyArgument · 22/02/2025 21:35

He’s never shouted at her like this before. Once when she kicked a table and knocked drinks over but it wasn’t really “at” her just more the shock of tea going everywhere I think.

My XH started his abuse after we had kids because he was stressed and exhausted, it's just an excuse. Stress and exhaustion aren't a valid excuse for treating your child this way. He still gets pissed off if the kids knock into something accidentally and spill something like this. Not at her isn't good enough.

Msmoonpie · 22/02/2025 21:41

rivalsbinge · 22/02/2025 21:39

God sake what did I just read?
Why are we still breeding with these men?

There ought to be a symbol of some kind for a thread when one of these men is identified.

A big fat cross maybe.

AmyW9 · 22/02/2025 21:40

YANBU and there's a lot to unpack here.

But as a smaller point to add - having a shower and getting to do your hair is NOT a break!

rivalsbinge · 22/02/2025 21:39

God sake what did I just read?
Why are we still breeding with these men?

heroinechic · 22/02/2025 21:38

How did the conversation come about where you 'made' him do it?

CaptainFuture · 22/02/2025 21:37

This is such an upsetting thread, how can anyone let alone a parent be such a prick to a baby who is utterly dependent on others?!

Devilsmommy · 22/02/2025 21:36

Wait until she's crawling and walking. If he thinks she wriggles now he's in for one hell of a shock. And tell him next time he shouts at her for completely normal baby behaviour he needs to get to fuck. Useless twat

NappyArgument · 22/02/2025 21:35

Stripeyanddotty · 22/02/2025 21:33

How often does he shout at her?

He’s never shouted at her like this before. Once when she kicked a table and knocked drinks over but it wasn’t really “at” her just more the shock of tea going everywhere I think.

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 22/02/2025 21:33

How often does he shout at her?

NappyArgument · 22/02/2025 21:32

He normally does the first nappy change when she gets up in the morning and when we’re out he usually does them but I did today. He will sometimes do one after work if I’m making dinner or something and he will get her ready for bed when he does the bath.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 22/02/2025 21:32

Your DD has 2 parents you shouldn't have to ask your DH to change the baby's nappy. He should just do it.

Retrospeaker · 22/02/2025 21:30

What? He doesn’t routinely change nappies? Why the fuck not?

Msmoonpie · 22/02/2025 21:30

Another fucking useless prick.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 22/02/2025 21:29

God, I know she's a baby and doesn't understand it, but shouting "she's got shit up her arse" is so grim. I mean, duh, she's a baby and has no control?

What did he THINK having a baby was going to be like?

Businessflake · 22/02/2025 21:29

To give you some perspective on this OP, my OH was a bit rubbish in the night, after the first few weeks he hardly ever woke in the night. But he would change literally every nappy during the day that he was around for. Wouldn’t need to be asked.

SparklyBrickViper · 22/02/2025 21:29

What a prince of a man.

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 22/02/2025 21:29

Shouting at a baby? What a wanker

Sounds like you need to raise your bar for a husband and father. He is repulsive.

Salacia · 22/02/2025 21:28

His defence? Being tired doesn’t get you out of being a parent - otherwise no baby would ever have its nappy changed!

This isn’t good - shouting at your baby for moving during a nappy change?!

I have a baby the same age and there’s no asking to change a nappy, we’re both his parents and equally responsible for him - whoever makes sense to change it changes it. I couldn’t tell you how many nappies I’ve changed today vs DH (although we did have a poonami that we sorted together) - we’re a team.

Northerngirl821 · 22/02/2025 21:27

Ugh what a manchild.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2025 21:27

He’s a pathetic arsehole.

toastofthetown · 22/02/2025 21:26

His only responsibility in caring for his child is bathing her which isn’t even a daily requirement for a child that age? And he doesn’t even do that most of the time?

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 22/02/2025 21:26

She’s his baby too.