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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people need to read the room more.

35 replies

Inbedwithted · 22/02/2025 20:24

I have a very close friend who like me is a single mum however we have lots of differences; she has a HUGE 2 bed council house hige garden, I have a flat (I actually love my flat))
she has a child’s dad who pays £400 a month maintenance
I have. Child’s dad who pays £0 maintenance
she has a dsy every weekend off
ny child’s dad hasn’t seen his child in about 8 months.
she also has family who will do the other weekend night so she is free
I have zero family support.

this is just for context not to judge
but she constants puts uo status after status on how hard being s single mum is.
she rang yesterday crying as her child’s dad is on holiday for 3 weeks so won’t have his children (her parents are going to cover his nights and weekend) but it’s unfair as she couldn’t just go on holiday
zhes always saying how shit it is that her house is far away yet doesn’t work or anything to get a new job .

im just so fed up with supporting or trying to offer support to someone who’s in such s better position. I know this sounds jealous and there is of course stuff I wish I had like some support but it’s the fact it feels almost insulting to be moaning to me.

im actually content with my life and have made peace.
this isn’t even just status and a few comments this is her ringing sending messages to me in private plus group chats I am in and I want to scream how lucky she is and to be greatful

I know it’s not a race to the bottom and honestly I really am happy in my little life but it just makes me feel like I shouldn’t be.

Aibu to feel how I feel or does it hurt when people don’t read the room

OP posts:
Original poster
Inbedwithted · 22/02/2025 20:37

Laura199214 · 22/02/2025 20:31

The people who are going to say you sound jealous, have never been in this position.

It's not about jealousy. It's about the other person not realising people do have it worse and taking advantage and not realising how good she's got it and as your friend she should be aware of your different circumstances and be aware that you would kill to have some time off.

I think your friend is a shitty friend for complaining to you and I would tell her so. But that's just me. I wouldn't tell her nastily. But I would say it's bugging you and you're struggling to support her when you feel like she's been unreasonable and it can feel like she's rubbing it in when you get 0 help. The way she responds to you will tell you if she's a real friend or not

Thank you!! This is exactly it it’s not that I want her to be worst off or I want what she has I love that she has the support and is I. That position but it’s insulting to me. It’s hurts in the grouochat stoo when everyone starts saying how shit it is for her and I’m sat their thinking I haven’t had a night without my child in a year what do you all think about me.

OP posts:
MumChp · 22/02/2025 20:36

Go get other friends.
You don't need to have one you don't really like.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 22/02/2025 20:35

Inbedwithted · 22/02/2025 20:33

This isn’t the occasional winge this is phone calls of “tell the boys I love them I can’t do this anymore” because her child’s dad sent the money a day late.

she was like my sister for years from like 4-30 so it’s got to a point I’m struggling now.

i know I’m being unfair but I need to vent

Show quote history

She clearly has a lot going on and needs support then because that reaction isn't normal.

If you don't want to provide that support, that's fine, but you need to tell her instead of getting more and more resentful.

And it is bloody annoying if you've budgeted to have money on a certain day and it's late.

ThatNewMoose · 22/02/2025 20:35

It doesnt sound jealous to me, it's sounds like she's a real moaner and it's extremely grating to be around...keep staying positive about your own situation as you seem to be,and reduce how much you listen to her pessimistic moaning

Original poster
Inbedwithted · 22/02/2025 20:33

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 22/02/2025 20:31

If you don't want a friendship where you can have a whinge to each other when times are tough you need to tell her that.

She isn't a mind reader.

This isn’t the occasional winge this is phone calls of “tell the boys I love them I can’t do this anymore” because her child’s dad sent the money a day late.

she was like my sister for years from like 4-30 so it’s got to a point I’m struggling now.

i know I’m being unfair but I need to vent

OP posts:
Laura199214 · 22/02/2025 20:31

The people who are going to say you sound jealous, have never been in this position.

It's not about jealousy. It's about the other person not realising people do have it worse and taking advantage and not realising how good she's got it and as your friend she should be aware of your different circumstances and be aware that you would kill to have some time off.

I think your friend is a shitty friend for complaining to you and I would tell her so. But that's just me. I wouldn't tell her nastily. But I would say it's bugging you and you're struggling to support her when you feel like she's been unreasonable and it can feel like she's rubbing it in when you get 0 help. The way she responds to you will tell you if she's a real friend or not

Original poster
Inbedwithted · 22/02/2025 20:31

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 22/02/2025 20:26

If You don't want to, don't support her. You do sound jealous.

Of course I’d like chikd maintenace and some support but it’s not jelousy its fustration with why can you be happy for what you have

OP posts:
NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 22/02/2025 20:31

If you don't want a friendship where you can have a whinge to each other when times are tough you need to tell her that.

She isn't a mind reader.

Pessismistic · 22/02/2025 20:28

Are you able to moan about your situation to her? Sometimes people just don’t know how fortunate they are and she might not think of you because you never moan. Maybe next time she has a moan or cry you could say it could be worse you could be in my situation with nothing.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 22/02/2025 20:26

If You don't want to, don't support her. You do sound jealous.