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Original poster

Functional Birthday Present

158 replies

RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 19:19

Wanting to hear opinions on this birthday present

My girlfriend is 39 weeks pregnant, its her birthday this week & she's due the week after. For a while she's mentioned about getting either a coffee machine or a kettle for our bedroom. Everytime we go to a hotel, we say we should get one for our room.

Anyhow, a few days back I saw an Ad for a Russell Hobbs 'Calm' Kettle. Its a 'quiet boil' kettle that places soothing, meditation like sounds while its boiling. Video linked here Hadn't seen anything like this before and thought it was quite unique.

Also Thought it would be perfect for making cups of tea in the night/Morning, while soothing the baby with the noises instead of waking it up with the noises of a kettle & we could use for sterilising if we needed too.

Along side the kettle, I got some nice mugs from Dunelm, some little spoons & a matching tray & matching bowl for used teabags. Teabags, Coffee Sachets & Milk Sachets.
Essentially made up a little area like a hotel in our bedroom
Spent £150 in total

It arrived today so set it up & said she can have her birthday present early. But she was abit disappointed. She thinks its a 'house purchase' and shouldn't be a birthday present.
By 'House Purchase' she means just a standard thing we should just buy for the house.

To add some more context on our situation... We have alot of disposible income each month & pretty much buy whatever we want/need so we're hard to buy presents for.
We're also pretty much sorted for the baby so don't need anything there. Our parents gave us money for Christmas which we've just banked for the baby.

AIBU - Crap Present, It should be a standard buy
AINBU - Good Present

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 22/02/2025 20:54

I think you made a thoughtful purchase, you listened to her wishes and chose special options with her in mind .

but at the same time I think you should have also purchased something just for her, something that isn’t mum or baby related,

my husband has purchased me some very functional gifts for the house, and whilst they are always ideal and fulfil something I’ve expressed interest in, I do always feel a bit sad.

because I might justify purchasing something for the house, but rarely prioritise things that are more gift like for me especially since the kids have arrived.

which means I rarely get frivolous but appreciated gifts
maybe that’s what she was hoping for

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:52

ttcat37 · 22/02/2025 19:57

You said you have plenty of money to spend. The answer is to buy something that she really loves but wouldn’t buy for herself as she thinks it’s a bit extravagant. I would suggest diamonds, but you’ve said she wouldn’t want earrings.
What are her hobbies and interests? Does she like designer clothes/ bags/ shoes?

Being honest, we tend to just buy things we need/want ourselves. Like last month, I bought a new phone so I'd have longer battery life incase she goes in labour & my batteries dead. We don't tend to wait for birthdays or save for things.
So I can't think of anything off the top of my head that she wouldn't just buy, other than a bigger car

She has 0 interest in bags, clothes, shoes. I got her a pair of trainers for Christmas she'd asked for. Same with Jewellery, she just wears a garmin watch but its maybe a year old so doesn't need replacing

I could maybe buy her some non-maternity clothes for the gym/yoga so she has some nice outfits.

We travel, thats our thing & also how we met. As an example, During her pregnancy we've been away quite abit.
Spain & France (on a cruise 2nd week of pregnancy). Albania, Greece, Romania, Malta & Dublin.
We also tend to travel about on our holidays which will change. Albania for example, we stayed in 10 different hotels as we travelled down the coast & back up.

Her last birthday, we did 5 days in Lisbon which was her present

OP posts:
Itsaswelltime · 22/02/2025 20:50

I’d be touched if you had done that for the pregnancy / new parenthood, but really disappointed if that were my birthday present, especially as you say you have enough money to buy something more personal and exciting and also with her being pregnant. Make sure you spoil her properly when the day comes.

Whaleandsnail6 · 22/02/2025 20:47

I love practical presents and would be so happy to receive something like this, especially if I had said I wanted one

If I am gifted money, I often buy housey type stuff

But I'm not interested at all in jewellery or beauty products or spa days...So thats me

I think presents like this have to be chosen for the audience or you end up missing the mark (like you did... extremely thoughtful gift but not quite well received)

You are not unreasonable to have bought this and it was so well intended but I can see why some wouldnt feel it a special gift just for them

thistlepiedpiper · 22/02/2025 20:46

This is something I would absolutely love but maybe your partner is different to me
I'm a tea addict and get up through the night to make cups. When ds was first born I'd sit and wait and wait desperate for him to fall asleep so I could make one quickly in the kitchen, then be disappointed it was never right because I was rushing back and didn't have time to brew it so I'd definitely have appreciated the thought and effort from my DP

The thought was there op, don't give yourself a hard time. It is good you have a lot of disposable income and it's not her birthday yet so have time to have a think about what else to get that she will (may....) be pleased about... it might be best to just ask her what she wants tho in case it's 'wrong' again. Which is totally possible as hormones are mental at the last stage of pregnancy so just beware

MumChp · 22/02/2025 20:40

RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:34

You obviously didn't read the post

She was thinking of getting a coffee pod machine & mentions it everytime we go to a hotel. She's happy with the setup, but just thinks its something we should just get anyway, not as a birthday gift.

Ive never breast fed but I would imagine if you got woken up at 4am, you might want a brew. Also in the mornings, you can have a brew in bed. Saves you going downstairs (2 flights of stairs for us as our bedrooms on the 3rd floor) and the quite boil & the noises would keep the baby asleep rather than waking it up

Also if the baby doesnt take to breastfeeding, we can make the bottles in our room using the kettle

Show quote history

How much water does that kettle hold or do you have a water tap in your bedroom? Cups of teas and bottles...

Lalaland67 · 22/02/2025 20:39

I think it’s a thoughtful present tbh, I just think practical presents for women is a tricky area!

I also prefer to buy presents for the ‘life situation’ but think it’s a bit different in pregnancy as there is a risk the presents won’t actually be used by mum but just baby. I was pregnant last Christmas and got loads of gifts that were for the baby. A relative gave me bottles, baby clothes and a blanket. They gave my DH some slippers and books he had asked for! It can be a tricky time for women feeling like they’ve lost their time identity. And the reality is that with a newborn you might be too knackered to have any ‘pamper sessions’ with them.

Can you just get a big bunch of flowers for her birthday and some nice perfume/chocolate/bath products/gymwear etc that’s still a good gift but totally non-baby related?

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:37

ItGhoul · 22/02/2025 20:23

OP, I think you’re getting a hard time here. You bought something your girlfriend specifically said several times that she wanted and you weren’t to know she would consider it a ‘house present’ - given that you didn’t actually particularly want one yourself, I wouldn’t have seen it that way either.

Fair enough if she wasn’t keen, but even if it was a misfire it wasn’t a thoughtless gift like some people are implying. If she hadn’t mentioned wanting one, it would have been thoughtless, but she had.

Yeah exactly.

Its also a light hearted post. I just wanted opinions (from a female / new mum point of view)

Me: Here's your birthday present
Her: That's a house present
Me: Ahh sound, I'll get you something else.

Nothing more said

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:34

housethatbuiltme · 22/02/2025 20:24

Also Thought it would be perfect for making cups of tea in the night/Morning, while soothing the baby with the noises instead of waking it up with the noises of a kettle & we could use for sterilising if we needed too.

So not something she wants or has any interest in (no her style/taste, hobby, interests etc...) but something entirely linked to her just being a carer of something else... basically your a mam now so ceased to exist as a person in your own right, how tone deaf can you be?

Also who is boiling a kettle in the bedroom late at night anyway?

You obviously didn't read the post

She was thinking of getting a coffee pod machine & mentions it everytime we go to a hotel. She's happy with the setup, but just thinks its something we should just get anyway, not as a birthday gift.

Ive never breast fed but I would imagine if you got woken up at 4am, you might want a brew. Also in the mornings, you can have a brew in bed. Saves you going downstairs (2 flights of stairs for us as our bedrooms on the 3rd floor) and the quite boil & the noises would keep the baby asleep rather than waking it up

Also if the baby doesnt take to breastfeeding, we can make the bottles in our room using the kettle

OP posts:
MumChp · 22/02/2025 20:30

RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:25

The only one booked in is Wales, the baby will be 3 weeks old (if it arrives on the due date) but its for my nana's 80th.
Although we have booked another hotel for after everybody leaves to stay an extra night & have a chill out while we're both off on maternity / paternity

The others are just vouchers, like 2 night stay with dinner & breakfast type ones and we have a year to use them

Show quote history

You expect a new mum and infant not yet settled in a routine to travel around the country. Tbh it's insane.

BaMamma · 22/02/2025 20:29

I think she's 39 weeks pregnant and maybe feels a bit like a hippopotamus, so something a little more personal, more intimate, would have been your better option here. Something that reminds her you think she's gorgeous and not just a heffalump. Nothing too sexy, jewelry, a beautiful scarf, a robe...

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:25

Sidge · 22/02/2025 20:02

I’d suggest calming down a bit before booking multiple trips for the post partum period. You have no idea how she’ll feel, how your baby will be and what you’ll feel up to.

Many women just want to stay home, establish feeding, nest a bit and find their feet. Travelling round the UK with a brand new baby and all the stuff that goes along with it might be a step too far.

The only one booked in is Wales, the baby will be 3 weeks old (if it arrives on the due date) but its for my nana's 80th.
Although we have booked another hotel for after everybody leaves to stay an extra night & have a chill out while we're both off on maternity / paternity

The others are just vouchers, like 2 night stay with dinner & breakfast type ones and we have a year to use them

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 22/02/2025 20:24

Also Thought it would be perfect for making cups of tea in the night/Morning, while soothing the baby with the noises instead of waking it up with the noises of a kettle & we could use for sterilising if we needed too.

So not something she wants or has any interest in (no her style/taste, hobby, interests etc...) but something entirely linked to her just being a carer of something else... basically your a mam now so ceased to exist as a person in your own right, how tone deaf can you be?

Also who is boiling a kettle in the bedroom late at night anyway?

ItGhoul · 22/02/2025 20:23

OP, I think you’re getting a hard time here. You bought something your girlfriend specifically said several times that she wanted and you weren’t to know she would consider it a ‘house present’ - given that you didn’t actually particularly want one yourself, I wouldn’t have seen it that way either.

Fair enough if she wasn’t keen, but even if it was a misfire it wasn’t a thoughtless gift like some people are implying. If she hadn’t mentioned wanting one, it would have been thoughtless, but she had.

Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:20

Sidge · 22/02/2025 20:02

I’d suggest calming down a bit before booking multiple trips for the post partum period. You have no idea how she’ll feel, how your baby will be and what you’ll feel up to.

Many women just want to stay home, establish feeding, nest a bit and find their feet. Travelling round the UK with a brand new baby and all the stuff that goes along with it might be a step too far.

The only one booked in is Wales, the baby will be 3 weeks old (if it arrives on the due date) but its for my nana's 80th.
Although we have booked another hotel for after everybody leaves to stay an extra night

The others are just vouchers, like 2 night stay with dinner & breakfast type ones and we have a year to use them

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:12

Duckswaddle · 22/02/2025 20:03

Never buy women something functional for the house and deem it a present for them. We’re in 2025 now, how is this still a thing??

Rookie mistake.

Haha Yeah, I know that now from her reaction haha

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomUser456878 · 22/02/2025 20:11

Mulledjuice · 22/02/2025 19:45

I had bought a Sanctuary Spa 'Mum & Baby' spa set but I've given that my mum to give her along with some other bits off our Baby Wishlist
For her birthday? Do you want her to be annoyed with your mum too?

Birthday presents for your OH should be birthday presents for your OH. Not presents for the baby.

You haven't answered my question- how would you feel if she got you this for your birthday present?

Na she wouldn't be annoyed at my mum no matter what she got her. Either way this thread is lighthearted, I just wanted opinions. I will be getting something else, but I thought it was a good gift personally

At Christmas as an example, my mum got us loads of baby stuff & made up a hamper which had bedding, nappies, wipes, teddies etc. She was over the moon with it.

In my opinion, presents are best when they match your situation. For example, my 18th I got stuff for a car as I bought myself a car. When we got our house, it would have been things relating to the house

The other things I got for my mum from the wishlist are for her, not the baby. But admittedly they are

Here's the spa set: www.boots.com/mum-and-baby-sweet-dreams-gift-set-10338864
I think the spa sets a good present, they can have little paper days together after they've been baby yoga down at the gym. No different than receiving a giftset but better as its relational to the situation

As you wanted an answer, I personally wasn't bothered about the coffee station. I think it'd be a faff washing the cups and bringing them back up all the time. We have 3 story house & bedrooms on top floor. So annoying walking up and down all the time.

I don't mind what people get for my birthday though in general. I don't like receiving gifts, I just find it awkward & I have everything I need.
But I may aswell add some more weight to her side... Last year she got me a car 😆. (Context: I bought a new car anyway. She owed us some money & I had got her the new iphone for her 30th, money owed & Iphone was around the 1.5k for the car so she paid for that for me) Although, she pretty much took the car as its the nicer of our 2 😂

OP posts:
Hollowvoice · 22/02/2025 20:10

Honestly I'd be happy with that present if it's something I'd said I'd like (Tea station in my bedroom sounds pretty good!)
Although DH and I both bought each other kitchen equipment for Xmas (which we both wanted) so maybe my view on "good" presents is skewed?

KnickerFolder · 22/02/2025 20:10

Everytime we go to a hotel, we say we should get one for our room

I think this is the key. It’s not a present for her, it’s something you both want.

Teenybub · 22/02/2025 20:04

It’s a thoughtful house purchase but a birthday present should be a treat for the person, not something that just makes your life easier. I would be really disappointed, she has also told you she is disappointed so that should be enough for you to realised it wasn’t a great gift. Either let her return it and pick something else, or keep it and treat her to an actual present for her.

Duckswaddle · 22/02/2025 20:03

Never buy women something functional for the house and deem it a present for them. We’re in 2025 now, how is this still a thing??

Rookie mistake.

Sidge · 22/02/2025 20:02

I’d suggest calming down a bit before booking multiple trips for the post partum period. You have no idea how she’ll feel, how your baby will be and what you’ll feel up to.

Many women just want to stay home, establish feeding, nest a bit and find their feet. Travelling round the UK with a brand new baby and all the stuff that goes along with it might be a step too far.

Cookiesandcandies · 22/02/2025 20:00

Thereunion · 22/02/2025 19:44

We call these flat presents (a phrase coined 15 years ago at university). Women always get these sort of gifts and men never do. Fair enough if someone asks for a fancy coffee machine or whatever but yes mugs from dunelm are not the one.

For his birthday last year DH got solar panels. This year he got an air con unit. Men can get (and can appreciate) these gifts too.

I'd be delighted with a bougie kettle (or toaster) for my birthday.

ttcat37 · 22/02/2025 19:57

You said you have plenty of money to spend. The answer is to buy something that she really loves but wouldn’t buy for herself as she thinks it’s a bit extravagant. I would suggest diamonds, but you’ve said she wouldn’t want earrings.
What are her hobbies and interests? Does she like designer clothes/ bags/ shoes?

QueSyrahSyrah · 22/02/2025 19:57

I'd have been pleased with that if it was something I'd expressed I wanted. I'd much rather have something practical but a bit indulgent that I actually wanted than earrings for the baby to rip out!

I don't buy into the 'gifts should only be for her and totally ignore the pregnancy / imminent Motherhood' thing. DH got me (among other things) the first baby sleepsuit we'd bought and a little comforter the Christmas I was pregnant, and also among other things a 'best Mum' mug for my birthday when DS was tiny. Delighted with both.