Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds(11) older friend(16)

34 replies

fredisnothere · 22/02/2025 18:56

DD is 11 and in Y7. She has made friends with a girl in year 11 who is 16 and does the same sport as her out of school(an unusual sport, for girls at least), a teacher apprently made the link and introduced them, they have now spent a few breaks together and been texting each other.
I’ve never met her and know nothing else about her.
She's asked dd if she wants to go out with her tomorrow (lunch shopping) , DD asked DH who automatically said yes, he thinks we let her go out with Y7 friends and if anything she’s safer with a 16 year old.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this? I'm trying to hold myself back from saying I don't think she should but it just seems weird that a 16 year old would want to spend time with an 11 year old even if they do the same sport, they're at very different points in their lives socially.

OP posts:
WitcheryDivine · 22/02/2025 19:51

I wouldn’t go for this no.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 22/02/2025 19:48

I wonder about additional needs? It's not unusual for kids with SEN to be a little younger socially and find socialising with younger kids easier.

tarheelbaby · 22/02/2025 19:47

YABU - Would you trust your own DD to be friends with a younger person? (well, of course you would trust your angel to be a good, guiding friend to a younger person b/c your DC is 'good as gold'; what if my (older?) DC is as good as yours ...! )
A teacher has introduced them as mutually agreeable and they have been texting - ask to see the texts? I'll bet they are all about Hollister, Taylor and the activity they both do... (at a minimum, you can drag the teacher into this and make sure they NEVER work again...)

Sometimes people click. Many of my friends were not and are not my exact school year. We had a shared interest and a weekly training session for our mutual hobbies.

In sporting groups, people of all age groups meet through their shared interest.
Back in the day, I was intelligent, over-read and thus awkward. Only older people could tolerate me. If I had not had friends/supporters outside my year group/school, I would have probably sunk.

Did you only have friends in NOT your year group? as an adult, most of mine are NOT exactly the same year ...
How will anyone mature, grow, advance, if they are segregated by year group so don't mix with any different ages?

Everything in your OP sounds plausible. When we were teens, no one would even have known about it. You would have wandered down the town with a friend from school. end of.

Stripeyanddotty · 22/02/2025 19:18

Have you read the texts?

FairyBlueEyes · 22/02/2025 19:14

Hmm yeah seems a bit weird to me. Most 16 year olds wouldn’t be seen dead with an 11 year old.

Margorett · 22/02/2025 19:02

I don't think this is a good idea, unless of course the 16yr old is very very immature.

Paul2023 · 22/02/2025 19:02

16 year olds don’t usually want to hang around with 11 year olds. Sport or a common interest is one thing but socially no.

Remembering my school days, Y11 kids never wanted to hang around with Y7 kids.

CommentHere · 22/02/2025 18:59

Yanbu
I wouldn't like that when I don't know the other girl. Fair enough at the sport and about the sport but not socially.

FrenchandSaunders · 22/02/2025 18:58

I’d be a bit concerned as well.