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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(22), 4 kids overnight

34 replies

dontbethere · 22/02/2025 17:45

WIBU to let 22 year old dd look after 11, 8, 5 and 4 year old siblings for 2 nights?

Shes offered. I trust her but she has never had all of them overnight before on her own, though has some individually overnight and all of them throughout the day many times.
Me and DH would be hours away (for a close friends funeral) so wouldnt be able to get home quickly.

I know obviously it depends on lots of things but just wondering if others would think this was reasonable or not ?

OP posts:
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GiuliaTofana · 23/02/2025 12:39

Newshoesnewname · 22/02/2025 17:55

I had 2 step kids and one of my own at 22.

She will be fine.

Same! Although one stupid thing I did when ex h was working nights was agreed to let each child have a friend to stay (not my baby because he was a few months old) and the dsc told me they had other friends who felt left out and it bloody spiralled, I ended up with most the kids from our street watching movies eating chip buttys all night 😂
Now I’m older if I heard “mum so and so feels left out” they’d get, “it’s their turn next week then!”

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 23/02/2025 12:07

@dontbethere I asked this question about 2 weeks ago and was told it was not a good idea and verging on neglectful. The answers about chocking hazards, to much responsibility, safe guarding etc etc blew my mind. My dc are slightly different ages my eldest is a bit younger her but my other two much older than yours, dd20, ds16 and dd13.
Anyway go for it, they will be fine.

mindutopia · 23/02/2025 12:03

I think it’s fine, though I’d be inclined to try to make it one night rather than 2. And if it is 2 nights (presumably 3 days if it’s so far away you need a day either side for traveling) that you have some back up support in place, someone who could come and help for a few hours in case she needs to run and do something. I’d also want to know she has a car that could fit them all.

Original poster
dontbethere · 23/02/2025 11:58

We will let her.
When I said shes looked after them in the day many times that didn't mean it's something she has to or does regularly just that she has done it on more than a few occasions over the years.
There's no expectation that she ever has to babysit, she likes her siblings

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 22/02/2025 20:37

@Bakedpotatoes she can enjoy having time with her siblings without being the one responsible for them

JohnofWessex · 22/02/2025 19:23

CrispieCake · 22/02/2025 18:17

Sounds fine. Leave money for pizza and some duct tape in case things get out of hand. That should keep them in line.

You forgot the cable ties..............

JohnofWessex · 22/02/2025 19:22

My oldest son is now 24 and training to be a teacher but my other two boys now 14 & 16 follow him around very happily and we have no issues about leaving them with him.

BTW they are autistic so its not what it would be for neurotypical kids

When middle son went for Gold in the World Projectile Vomiting competition when my wife & I had our first post birth evening out although he was only 7 he helped the babysitter sort it by finding what was needed that we hadn't prepared for.

Which thinking about it means we missed many many nights out as we could have left him in charge 15 years ago.............

Bournetilly · 22/02/2025 19:15

Yes I would definitely let her. They are all old enough to listen and understand.

Original poster
dontbethere · 22/02/2025 19:13

She's moved out but stays often and will obviously come here to look after them

OP posts:
Bakedpotatoes · 22/02/2025 19:04

crumblingschools · 22/02/2025 17:55

Why does she look after them many times during the day? She is their sibling not their babysitter/parent

Maybe she enjoys spending time with her siblings?

MumChp · 22/02/2025 18:57

Why not?she is a grown up.

letslaughitoff · 22/02/2025 18:46

I had a son way before i was 22 and living on my own dealing with life.

letslaughitoff · 22/02/2025 18:45

chipsandpeas · 22/02/2025 17:50

shes 22 she could have 4 kids of her own

Very true my mum had 4 at 21.

BlueSilverCats · 22/02/2025 18:41

Is she a real 22yo or one of those "aww they're still babies really and their brains are still developing " ones?

First case, absolutely, no issues.

ItGhoul · 22/02/2025 18:30

She’s a grown woman. There are teachers and professional childcare workers her age.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 22/02/2025 18:29

When I was 22 I had two kids and a mortgage. She’s an adult. As long as she’s happy to look after them she should be just as capable as any adult. Probably more capable than an aging grandparent.

Moonnstars · 22/02/2025 18:26

I would say fine. As long as you are happy for perhaps more screen time than normal, I imagine the 11 year old and 8 year old would be pretty easy. The younger two she might find harder as they might take more entertaining and might also might miss you more. I expect she knows your usual routine (assuming she lives at home) and I would get her to stick to that with meal times and bed time.

Zanatdy · 22/02/2025 18:22

Yes, i’d imagine she will be fine

Original poster
dontbethere · 22/02/2025 18:19

I guess as she's their sisters they might not respect her authority as much as they would another adult.
But they are all generally good and there's never been any problems before so we will go for it.

I know she could have her own kids but she doesn't, it's different when they're your own

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 22/02/2025 18:17

Sounds fine. Leave money for pizza and some duct tape in case things get out of hand. That should keep them in line.

Duct Tape GIF by A Black Lady Sketch Show
NPET · 22/02/2025 18:09

Yes, I'm 20 and I've looked after younger kids (not siblings). The MOST important thing is that they do what she says.
Will she have to bath the younger ones? I've found the most annoying thing is boys of 6, 7, 8 not understanding that they do NOT enter the bathroom when their sisters or other girls are in there! So I've had to make it clear how I will react if they break my rules!

TomatoSandwiches · 22/02/2025 17:59

Why did your friend say that? Is there any SEN involved? Is there another family member nearby that she could contact in an emergency?

Clingfilm · 22/02/2025 17:59

She's 22...

JLou08 · 22/02/2025 17:58

I looked after 4 children for the weekend at 17. At 13 I was looking after 3 at night whilst their parents went out until early hours in the morning. I'm sure she will be fine.

Tryingtryingandtrying · 22/02/2025 17:56

Is there any reason your friend might know of that we don't? Could understand if 17 possibly but she's an adult