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Original poster

Neighbour tried to get into DD car

110 replies

WeirdNeighbour · 22/02/2025 14:33

Wondering if I should say something to neighbour or not. Teen DD arrived home in her car, parked in road, finished her call in her locked car. She says she was just chatting quietly for less than 5 mins. She's not a loud person at all but I'm aware handsfree calls in cars can be loud outside of the car. However I didn't hear her and I was home, tv off, at that time.
Some neighbour she doesn't know and has never interacted with, ran into the street in her dressing gown, trying to open the car doors and shouting at DD for being loud and waking her children. Scared the shit out of DD.

I've advised DD that calls in cars can be louder than you'd think, so she'll be aware of that in the future, but we both agreed trying to open the car door and shouting were inappropriate. If the lady had said something in a reasonable manner, DD would have been mortified that she'd woken children and apologised profusely but as it was, this woman scared her.

Do I speak to neighbour to say sorry DD woke the kids but something something inappropriate behaviour, or just not bother. I have DDs permission to do so, but not sure I can be bothered.

OP posts:
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CandyflossKing · 23/02/2025 22:13

Definitely should not have tried to get into her car, however as someone who regularly has an idiot park up late at night and talk on the phone (can be heard in our house) I can understand the annoyance.

ThistleTits · 23/02/2025 21:34

@WeirdNeighbour you can reduce the volume on handsfree calls too. Your daughter should apologise to the neighbour. Inconsiderate behaviour.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/02/2025 21:22

Can't imagine she was trying to get in the car, more to ask her to be quieter.

Minimili · 23/02/2025 21:16

I had to tell my friend to stop having personal conversations on hands free and about how loud it was but she wouldn’t believe me. I stopped talking to her when she was driving because she would never tell me when it was on hands free and sometimes she’d have other people or her kids in the car, I didn’t realise till her kids started mentioning a conversation that was supposed to be private, I was pretty angry about that.

She finally believed me after she’d had a phone conversation on hands free outside a man’s house who she had been on a couple of dates with and who she really liked, she was just finishing her conversation before she went in the house.

She said he was a bit quieter than usual and shied away from contact saying he didn’t feel well and hinted heavily for her to leave after an hour. She said it was obvious he was faking and was really upset when she left.

She came to see me after she left his house and I helped her write a text asking what was wrong and asking if he wanted to see her again. He replied saying he’d overheard her saying she had bum worms she’d caught from her kids when she was telling her ex husband on the car handsfree!
The poor guy had no kids and had never heard of bum worms and assumed she was telling a man on the phone it was an STI, he didn’t realise it was her ex husband and she was just asking him to worm her kids.

Sadly the bum worms were a complete passion killer and he “was up to his eyes in work” for the rest of eternity so she never saw him again, she finally believed me that you can easily hear conversations on hands free even from inside a house it’s that loud!

uglyjessie · 23/02/2025 20:43

The other day, someone was on a call in their car outside my house and it was the most ridiculous loud noise

It was middle of day though so i couldn't complain although it was annoying

If it was 11pm, that would infuriate me but i wouldn't go out in my dressing gown

Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 18:48

autumn1610 · 23/02/2025 09:11

The car must have been running as hands free disconnects if your turn your car off? But yes the amount of times I’ve been sat in traffic and can hear someone’s call is crazy, it really is loud!

not the case for any of our cars. You turn the engine off but the hands free/radio stays on until you remove the key

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 23/02/2025 10:47

autumn1610 · 23/02/2025 09:11

The car must have been running as hands free disconnects if your turn your car off? But yes the amount of times I’ve been sat in traffic and can hear someone’s call is crazy, it really is loud!

Same! And if more than one car is doing it, it's maddening!!

JohnofWessex · 23/02/2025 10:14

The evidence is that you should not make calls even on a hands free when driving

autumn1610 · 23/02/2025 09:11

The car must have been running as hands free disconnects if your turn your car off? But yes the amount of times I’ve been sat in traffic and can hear someone’s call is crazy, it really is loud!

NooNakedJacuzziness · 23/02/2025 09:09

Makes you very wary of what you're saying if someone has you on hands free - people should have to declare it before getting into personal conversations!

IKnowAristotle · 23/02/2025 09:02

Well I don't know that hands free could be heard outside the car. I feel like I need to test this later.

Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:55

BooFestiveTulip · 23/02/2025 08:53

There's nothing quite like a sleep deprived parent - sometimes rationality goes out of the window. Whilst, yes, the parent was in the wrong, I can see how this situation occurred.

Look at the situation from all angles here - just move on.

Hands free conversations in cars aren't ever private by the way - people forget that.

(Edited to correct typos)

Edited

agreed. we all react differently and its not for me to know what is going on in their lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:54

I did hear a noise but assumed it was a different noisy neighbour. Completely agree re move on, I am not interested in talking to the car encroaching neighbour.

OP posts:
BooFestiveTulip · 23/02/2025 08:53

There's nothing quite like a sleep deprived parent - sometimes rationality goes out of the window. Whilst, yes, the parent was in the wrong, I can see how this situation occurred.

Look at the situation from all angles here - just move on.

Hands free conversations in cars aren't ever private by the way - people forget that.

(Edited to correct typos)

CaptainFuture · 23/02/2025 08:52

Did you see/hear the neighbour shouting and all the kerfuffle going on @WeirdNeighbour am assuming you must have? What did you say at the time ? Or was the first you knew about it dd telling you?

Convolvulus · 23/02/2025 08:48

ssd · 23/02/2025 08:44

The neighbour is out of order, what would have happened if dd hadn't locked the car door???

She's probably have just opened it and harangued OP's daughter.

ssd · 23/02/2025 08:44

The neighbour is out of order, what would have happened if dd hadn't locked the car door???

Riddledwithit · 23/02/2025 08:19

11pm is late to be doing that. The neighbour is still a psycho in my eyes. I'd have come down and made my anger known without battering someone's car and pulling the handles to get in. It's not acceptable.

Mielikki · 23/02/2025 08:15

AliceMcK · 22/02/2025 16:44

It might be loud and annoying but no one owns the street and people can sit in their cars and talk if they want. I’ve had to tell myself this a thousand times. I have young children and sleep with my windows open, every night I hear cars speeding past (20mph zone) people talking loudly walking past my house, drunk neighbours being dropped off by taxis, people talking on their phones, sitting in cars idoling, music blasting from cars, some arguing and fighting. It’s life, I’m not on a main road but it’s a good access road to other areas so do get a lot of foot and car traffic. I’d love to scream at them to shut the fuck up but the problem with the noise is mine to deal with.

Neighbour was out of order trying to open the car door. Just tell your dd to take her call off hands free in future and yes if it really bothered me I’d have a word with the neighbour.

Sounds like hell on earth. Glad I live in the country!

Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:07

Thanks for all the comments. Interesting to see lots of different views.
I am not going to speak to the neighbour.
The car was locked, and the engine was off.
DD was finishing her call before coming in the house.
The neighbour was banging on the car and pulling at the handle repeatedly and frightened the shit out of DD.
DD doesnt know this woman who moved here fairly recently.
No I didnt hear the noise, approx 11pm, I was inside house.
I have spoken to DD about how loud a call can be from the outside, she wasn't aware, but is now. She had no idea it was loud and will not be doing it again.
No this has not happened before, DD didnt have hands-free on her old car.
Yes of course I remember having children that don't sleep, DD didnt sleep through until she was 5, and the DC were night wakers until teenage years - but I don't recall losing my shit when a neighbour was loud (which unfortunately is very often) and I have never tried to force my way aggressively into a young girl's car.

Thank you for all the people who have taken the time to offer an opinion, it's really very helpful.

The general consensus is that DD can deal with it herself is appropriate, but she is't going to speak to the neighbour, as she just isn't that fussed and isn't built that way. She is very quiet (unless on an in car call haha).

I think when DD told me I was cross about the neighbour's behaviour but at the same time aware of how loud in car calls can be. Now I am not cross, I just think the neighbour is a bit weird and the less I have to do with her the better.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 22/02/2025 23:26

Car phones are very loud. Can't she just speak on the phone normally ?

Keepingthingsinteresting · 22/02/2025 20:38

MinPinSins · 22/02/2025 16:39

Am I misreading something? You didn't say she tried to get into your daughter's care, but that she tried to open the door. Presumably to speak to her - not many people have conversations through closed car doors.

She shouldn't have done that at all, but if she's been a good neighbour so far, I wouldn't say anything. Your daughter did something wrong, she did something wrong. There's no risk of her doing it again because your daughter won't do it again.

If there's been other inappropriate behaviour, I could understand wanting to speak to her.

The DD didn’t do anything wrong 🙄. Let’s hope the neighbour is perfect in every way right.

HelloNorthernStar · 22/02/2025 20:35

It is your DD who needs to say something not you, and that something needs to be an apology. The lad next door but 2 to us does this, it is so loud. it is ignorant as hell!

Oioisavaloy27 · 22/02/2025 20:11

MiraculousLadybug · 22/02/2025 17:34

If you're going to start an apology with "I'm sorry about X but..." then it's not really an apology so don't bother.
You're just passive aggressively trying to have a go at the neighbour. If you genuinely wanted to apologise you'd just say "I'm sorry about X" with no buts or exceptions.
As others have said, she was clearly at the end of her tether with your DD's loud behaviour. Do you genuinely not remember how hard it was when you were putting little ones to bed? She's probably driven to distraction with sleep deprivation and while she didn't handle it well you need to stop and have some empathy.

Edited

A lot of people are sleep deprived this does not give you the excuse to act unhinged!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 22/02/2025 19:56

Isobel201 · 22/02/2025 19:49

Admittedly I do turn my music down when approaching places, but its usually when I need to concentrate on parking etc. and I don't want it blaring out. I have a loud 3 cylinder engine so it does have to be louder than the average volume. I think without being a fly on the wall, your DD may have been the latest in a string of cars that park up and continue talking on bluetooth, and she was the straw that broke the camel's back where the neighbour was concerned.

Edited

Or she was the fully heavy burden on the camel's back!