High earner partner moved in - CB lost

They are 50/50 plus the DP pays for all holidays and treats so he’s paying more than 50/50 really.

If your boyfriend pays you rent, surely that will cover the lost CB. You have lost CB as you have an extra income from an informal tenant.

I wouldn't have said "running for the hills" but if I were your partner I'd be annoyed at having to do self-assessment tax returns just for child benefit. It's a major pain in the neck to fill one in, and I don't see how it benefits you, it just puts an extra task on his desk?
I have to do one anyway, because I am self-employed, but I wouldn't want to do one for the sheer fun of it. You can keep the claim open and not receive the payment, that way if things change you can get the cash-element set up again fairly easily.

There’s no enforcement to pay for children, he’s doing it willingly it would seem. He just earns enough for his partner to lose her child benefit.

@WhoevenamIinlife Is there a reason why you aren't getting married to him?

The way you post makes this sound as if it's not a very stable relationship.

Yes, a tax return is a PITA but that's how it is. Yes, he could give you £150, you register to get your NI and years towards your state pension, but don't claim the CB .

But he's also being a bit irresponsible to try to wriggle out of a tax return. It's just something people suck up.

With a child together and 2 of your own, you seem to be quibbling over money which is never a good sign.

We put the percentage of th CB that is needed to pay the tax bill aside in a savings account and don't touch it. Use the rest then pay the tax bill when it comes. Can't you do that?

You can claim CB without getting the money and still get the NI credits. It has been suggested on here several times

Money is not the only issue here perhaps.

If you claim child benefit it goes towards this

Which goes towards your state pension & other benefits

https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit

Of course that is possible, but I wasn't talking about money only.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about OP. You're at an awkward stage. If you were younger and child-free you'd probably be renting together and seeing how you liked living together, and yes each contributing 50% of rent. As you already have a house, it's kind of operating as him renting 50% of the property from you. I'm assuming he's paying you a proportion of your mortgage not a proportion of a market rent, so he's getting to live very cheaply for a renting situation. It is a win-win, and it sounds like you both recognise that. In some ways less of a win for you because you got reduced income and reduced costs whereas he just got reduced costs. In other ways you come out better. It's complicated and at some point in relationships we do stop counting.

What about your shared child? Do you do more of the childcare there or pretty even? That would also be a balancing factor in fairness.

I get the impression it's pride too - you're used to being independent, are trying to keep separate finances and share costs evenly as far as is possible in a relationship with such different incomes, so taking money from him directly is uncomfortable. Would it help you to think of it as him paying a little more in rent rather than him paying for your kids with ex? Look at market rents in your area, compare 1/2 or 1/3 of a market rent to what he contributes to your mortgage. I'm guessing you'll find he's getting a good deal even if he pays you the equivalent of CB.

That’s fascinating to know! So it expects the higher earner to take on some degree of financial accountability for children in the home whether they are the parent or not (and I assume the caveat is the higher earner in the home must be in a relationship with the parent claiming CB.

If someone in the household earns £60k or more then some or all of CB needs to be paid back. Once that person reaches £80k the full amount would be paid back.

The higher earner registers for self assessment and completes a tax return in order to pay the CB back.

You lose CB for living with your partner who is not the father of your children?

It’s a right faff to do a tax return for this. Your DP is not being unreasonable.

Just for clarity partners income is just over 3 x mine but will cover huge costs ie a family trip for 5 abroad all his costs, household repairs. Because I have been financially stung before am I being too overly cautious resulting in being greedy?

Yes, in a word.

Greedy comes to mind.

If this is what it reads like, your partner is paying for a family holiday abroad and (all?) household repairs, as well as paying you rent and 50-50 on bills etc.

Why do you accept this? It seems very unfair. He's the one being stung from where I'm sitting.

Why aren't you going 50-50 on the holiday and repairs to the house that you own?

The fact he earns more isn't really the point. Your outgoings, holidays and household repairs should be 50-50, or even 40-60 because 2 of the children aren't his.

As a PP said I'd be very worried if my son was in this set up. No security if you split and paying for so much at the moment.

But you’re not actually worse off with him either even though you technically are down child benefit.
Take the rent he’s paying you and put it in the same account you were putting the child benefit into. He’s probably paying more than £150 in rent anyway.

It’s like you think you should have all the benefits of him being there like him paying for your kids, splitting the bills, treating you all, but continue to have the single council tax discount and your previous CB on top.

Are you working OP? If not then I would advise to keep it through HMRC, but opt not to be paid it (there’s a button on there) so you still get the national insurance credits towards the likes of your state pension but not actually receive the money from HMRC. Then your partner can pay you what you are no longer receiving. If you are working, then yes you could cancel it and have him just pay you the same amount to save the faff every April. If he’s earning over 100k though he has to do a SATR anyways though so you could just keep claiming it and he should just save it towards the year end bill he know he will get for it, it’s effectively the same thing he’s just making the payment annually and you’re receiving it monthly. They have just changed the cliff edge cut off from 50k to a marginal one between 60-80k for child benefit so if he earns between 60-80k it will still be worth claiming and he will I’ll only repay some and only have to repay it all once earning 80+k. If he didn’t agree to a standing order to you monthly for the amount, I wouldn’t agree to it. Nothing worse than having to nag or beg someone for money on a handshake agreement. Hope this helps.

Goldigger or money grabber comes to mind.

My DH’s friend moved in with a woman in a similar situation. He seemed to be very happy to pay for their nice house and food etc for her children, but she seemed to hold it against him somehow she had lost benefits because of his high income. They’ve broken up now but it sounded like she was quite bitter about the ‘lost’ benefits money when actually he seemed to be quite generous. (I only have his perspective, maybe there’s more to it)

You are making him do unnecessary paperwork. That is ridiculous. Life is busy enough with admin stuff without doing stuff due to your stupid pride/ stubbornness or whatever it is.