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AIBU?

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WIBU to Facebook message this woman? House sale drama...

168 replies

AveAtqueVale · 22/02/2025 09:23

Will try to keep this as brief as possible:

We're due to move house on Monday. We were supposed to exchange on Thursday, but our buyer never transferred her money. She is on holiday abroad and when the estate agent chased her up, she was drunk. Money was never transferred, exchange never happened. On Friday morning EA/ solicitors started chasing her again, and there was radio silence until early afternoon her solicitor emailed ours to say she's unwell and won't be completing on Monday. No further info as to whether this means 'but she can probably manage on Tuesday' or 'is pulling out entirely'. She's refusing to speak to EAs, and has only spoken to her solicitor, who told ours that she was in hospital (!) and not making much sense.
Meanwhile, almost all of our stuff has been packed up and taken off in two moving vans, and we're camping in our empty house for the weekend.

Obviously EAs/ solicitors not working today and tomorrow, so we are stuck waiting for Monday morning to see if we have any more idea what's going on. I'm mostly hoping she was just horrendously hungover yesterday and couldn't face/ manage the money side of things, and all will actually be fine. But no idea.

We've spent a significant amount of money on the removers as they packed too, and they need their vans back by Tuesday evening at the latest. So if we haven't completed by then we will have to have it all brought back, but obviously will still owe them their full fee. Not to mention the absolute hassle of having to unpack everything here and remarket the house etc if she is pulling out entirely 😫. There's a whole chain above us too in the same position - she's the bottom/ cash buyer so we're all kind of at her mercy.

Anyway - I've found her on Facebook and am contemplating messaging her directly to ask her (nicely!) what is actually going on. She might not even see it of course as we're not friends, so it might go into message requests. But I'm also worried that doing it at all is a bit stalkerish/ bordering on harassment! But at this stage would just welcome any kind of info even if it's bad news!

YANBU: Message her - you might get some info and it's perfectly ok in the circumstances!

YABU: Leave the poor woman alone - she's obviously got a lot going on and doesn't need you hounding her as well!

Also if anyone has any other words of wisdom/ ideas, I'd love to hear them 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
FKAT · 22/02/2025 10:27

Don't message. She's either still buying or she's not - messaging will make no difference. Let the EA/solicitors do the job you pay them for and instead focus on developing a plan B.

redphonecase · 22/02/2025 10:25

You usually exchange and then complete a few weeks later for exactly this reason so I don't really understand why you're all packed, but this sounds like it has fallen through, so get your stuff back in the house.

Thirteenblackcat · 22/02/2025 10:24

Aww that’s awful I really hope it all goes ahead. So sorry you’re having to deal with this.

I wouldn’t message her

YourFairCyanReader · 22/02/2025 10:23

I would message her in a friendly way. You can never assume that EAs and solicitors are doing their jobs properly and that communicatuon is effective. I'd message her saying hi it's me from X house, I'm just messaging in case solicitors and EAs are being rubbish, hope you're ok and happy to just speak to you direct about the house if that's easier.

She might be taking the mick and just withdrawing, but she might also be having a nightmare and feel that she now can't go through with the house. Letting her know you can wait a few days might save the sale.

Movinghouseatlast · 22/02/2025 10:22

I've been in this position and I would message and explain about the movers etc

The person I was buying from pulled out on the day of exchange, which was 3 days before completion. We had given up our jobs, the house was packed up. It was hell and we lost a lot of money.

A week before the seller pulled out our Estate Agent said they were on holiday and hadn't started packing yet. I really wish I'd beeb able to contact them as they were obviously thinking they were going to pull out.

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:21

Thing is, even if everyone had been all ready to go things can still go wrong - sometimes there are issues with banking systems for example. So I’m very surprised your solicitors and EA gave you such bad advice.

beenonthebox · 22/02/2025 10:21

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:20

It’s a bottom of the chain thing - the person who is buying but not selling needs to pay a deposit on exchange, usually 10%. They might not be an FTB, our buyer was bottom of the chain and was moving from rented but was not an FTB.

Thank you for this.

MyVIsForVendetta · 22/02/2025 10:20

OP Id message her.

But im the WORST for knee jerk reactions that I regret.

so maybe listen to the others!

Butterflyfern · 22/02/2025 10:20

I'd be tempted to get the EA to put the house back up on Rightmove today tbh. Might scare her into getting her act in gear. If not, well it'll have to go back up on RM in a few days anyway...

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:20

beenonthebox · 22/02/2025 10:09

Oh ok, is this a first-time buyer thing then? It's been 14 years since we bought a house & moved (I have much more recently bought a property too, but that was buying a family member out of an inheritance share, and I didn't sell my original house), and it's been a lot longer since I was a first time buyer.

It’s a bottom of the chain thing - the person who is buying but not selling needs to pay a deposit on exchange, usually 10%. They might not be an FTB, our buyer was bottom of the chain and was moving from rented but was not an FTB.

Finerthingsinlife · 22/02/2025 10:18

AveAtqueVale · 22/02/2025 10:16

But yes thanks all, definitely not going to message her! Didn't really think I should but wanted a sense-check from people not emotionally involved!

Good choice.

Moving house is so unnecessary stressful, hope you find a better buyer soon.

AveAtqueVale · 22/02/2025 10:16

But yes thanks all, definitely not going to message her! Didn't really think I should but wanted a sense-check from people not emotionally involved!

OP posts:
LGBirmingham · 22/02/2025 10:16

I'd say yes contact her. We moved last year and the solicitor for the house we were buying kept delaying and blaming their client not having instructed them.

Dh had been communicating with them directly as he had personally carried out the survey on the property so had their contact details. Turned out they had instructed the solicitor but the solicitors were trying to delay the exchange as it was more convenient for them to do it on the day we completed.

Caused an awful lot of stress for us and our buyers, who had already moved out of their rented property.

CuteEasterBunny · 22/02/2025 10:15

Leave it to the EA and solicitors. I would stop chasing and walk away if it wasn’t sorted by Monday 5pm which doesn’t look possible.

AveAtqueVale · 22/02/2025 10:15

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:04

How much stuff do you have?! We paid for packing when we moved and it took less than half a day to pack our 3-bed house.

I’m sorry, nobody should have encouraged you to book removals.

Too. Much. Stuff. 😭

OP posts:
Finerthingsinlife · 22/02/2025 10:15

Dolambslikemintsauce · 22/02/2025 09:38

Send a friend request but no message yet... See what ea comes back with Monday... If she pulls out let rip on sm....

Do not do this, it could be considered harassment and could come back and bite you.

RogueFemale · 22/02/2025 10:10

Another vote for DO NOT MESSAGE HER

beenonthebox · 22/02/2025 10:09

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:03

Presumably OP’s buyer is bottom of the chain and needs to pay a deposit on exchange.

Oh ok, is this a first-time buyer thing then? It's been 14 years since we bought a house & moved (I have much more recently bought a property too, but that was buying a family member out of an inheritance share, and I didn't sell my original house), and it's been a lot longer since I was a first time buyer.

Theuniversalshere1 · 22/02/2025 10:08

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 09:30

I am not voting as don’t agree either option other than don’t message let your solicitor deal with it.

As frustrating as it is (I'd be going mad!) Don't message. Let the professionals you pay sort it. You could make it worse even with best intentions.

Ritzybitzy · 22/02/2025 10:07

Why on earth did you pack everything and move before you had exchanged?! That’s madness.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 22/02/2025 10:05

If you message her you risk scaring her off completely imo.

Very stressful but I would wait until Monday and let the solicitor deal with it.

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:04

AveAtqueVale · 22/02/2025 09:53

So it took two days to pack up, they couldn't just come and do it on the day. We wanted to leave longer between exchange and completion but the rest of the chain (including her!!!) were pushing to complete on the 24th, so we agreed and were told it would happen this week. We had to book the removers or if completion had happened on the 24th we'd never have been out in time. We did repeatedly query with EAs/ solicitors whether we should go ahead with organising the removal and they all kept saying it was fine. She's been the one pushing things to go faster! I'm just completely bemused.

How much stuff do you have?! We paid for packing when we moved and it took less than half a day to pack our 3-bed house.

I’m sorry, nobody should have encouraged you to book removals.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 22/02/2025 10:04

You need to keep distance and let all the comms go via solicitors.
At this stage I would be saying to solicitors that if you do end up having to get everything returned to your current house then you will be looking for them to cover this as you had asked, and they essentially gave you poor advice. Hopefully via email because then you've got it in writing.
Fingers crossed that somehow it all comes together for you on Monday and you get moved.

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 10:03

beenonthebox · 22/02/2025 10:01

What money has to be transferred in order for the exchange to take place? I'm totally confused by this.

Presumably OP’s buyer is bottom of the chain and needs to pay a deposit on exchange.

beenonthebox · 22/02/2025 10:01

What money has to be transferred in order for the exchange to take place? I'm totally confused by this.

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