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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit miffed that I've been uninvited?

88 replies

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:14

Not sure if I'm being overly sensitive so just wanted opinions on this.

Quick backstory:
OH got a new boss around 18 months ago. Long story short they've become very close both in a working relationship but also a personal one too. Boss lives around 3hrs away which near where their head office is - OH is in a role that is home based but with travel to various locations when needed (usually around 2 weeks a month) but when they're travelling or OH has to go the head office they obviously meet up for work but also socialise etc. OH has met his fiancée a few times and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂

Boss is getting married this summer. While the official invites haven't been sent out yet, I'd been told we were both invited to the evening do. Great! I finally get to meet the man I hear so much about. We were planning on making a little weekend away of it as we very rarely do anything together. OH announced yesterday that he's now got an invite to the day do but that means I'm ditched and no longer invited to any of it.
OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event but I feel a bit upset that the weekend we had planned is now scrapped and I've been 'uninvited'

I totally understand weddings can be a nightmare to plan and that I don't know these people so they don't owe me anything. I just feel a bit sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
mentalloader · 22/02/2025 09:44

Ok to clear a few things up

Reason we rarely do anything is due to kids/ busy schedules. We both work full time and when we do anything it's usually as a family

OH doesn't have many friends - moved around a lot as a kid so didn't really have chance to maintain any meaningful friendships. He's a few that he's made through playing football and my friends husbands etc. I'm happy that he's formed a close bond with this guy and while he's technically his 'boss' for now, OH is due a promotion shortly to a similar level so they will work very closely together on certain projects.

OH is not a 'schmoozer' - he does feel bad and did offer to ask if I could come to the evening do but I don't want to put them out - it's their wedding! He's certainly not the type to leave me in a hotel room for hours 😂

Yes he has said he will plan another weekend away for us

Maybe I shouldn't have jumped the gun and assumed the invite was going ahead.

And if boot was on the other foot? He'd actually be ok about it.

Thanks all, given my head a shake and had a think. Initially felt a bit put out but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it's such a big deal!

OP posts:
alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 22/02/2025 09:32

Poor boundaries all around. Your husband sounds like he's very keen on impressing this boss and not in a work capacity. Has messy written all over it to me.

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 09:29

Redpeach · 22/02/2025 08:17

Surely you can still go to the evening part?

You can’t just turn up uninvited to someone’s wedding. 😂

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:28

Zusammengebrochen · 22/02/2025 09:18

Has OH ever been this close to another male before?

as in, did he have friends before? 😂😂😂

I know it's a shocking concept for some posters, but some of us do!

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:27

It sounds like the couple have made the best choice: it's a bit rude to expect someone to travel just for an evening invit. They're been nice about it frankly.

It makes more sense than inviting the partner of a work colleague, who they've never met and will likely never see again.

Just plan another weekend.

Booboobagins · 22/02/2025 09:22

If the shoes was on the other foot how would your DH feel. I bet you wouldn't be going to no wedding on your own qithout a fight!!!! Why hasn't your DH thought about you? Is he normally a selfish AH?

Endofyear · 22/02/2025 09:21

I wouldn't be upset about not going - you don't know him and your husband does so let him go and have a good time, I expect there'll be a few work colleagues there! Why not arrange a nice weekend away for the two of you another time?

converseandjeans · 22/02/2025 09:20

I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of someone I had never met. So I would say that it's best leave him to it.

I don't think he is currently prioritising you though. He hasn't suggested an alternative & you don't appear to do many fun things as a couple. If you had children he would just leave you to get on with it while he swans about being 'important'

Zusammengebrochen · 22/02/2025 09:18

Has OH ever been this close to another male before?

ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 09:12

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

I love going to events on my own and mixing with new people.

SallyWD · 22/02/2025 09:04

I'm not sure I'd believe that I was suddenly uninvited to the evening bit because of "numbers." Seems unlikely as you wouldn't be having a meal, just hanging out.
I think your DH isn't being entirely honest (perhaps). Doesn't need to be a sinister reason. Maybe he thinks he can let his hair down more if he goes alone.

MummaMummaMumma · 22/02/2025 08:52

But, you never received an invite, so you have not been invited. You are not invited at all.
In my experience, it is usually the bride who mostly deals with invites and many don't offer plus ones. They've never met you and your partner is a new friend of the boss, so unlikely to invite you.
Just plan a different weekend away? No Biggie.

ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 08:50

Just wait and see what the official invites says, until then neither of you are invited to anything.

FrenchandSaunders · 22/02/2025 08:46

Odd. Sounds like a big crush going on. How have his friendships with guys been in the past? Is there a pattern of this intense behaviour.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/02/2025 08:40

I wouldn’t be miffed about this. This isn’t a friendship/relationship that has anything to do with you. You’re basically not going to a complete strangers’ wedding.

If it turns out that your DH just wants to go by himself and schmooze a bit, that’s also fine, imo. Although I’d be cross that he hadn’t just said so in the first place.

NotBuiltForSpeed · 22/02/2025 08:34

Sounds a bit odd that you have been uninvited to the evening do.

It's OK your partner getting on with his boss day-to-day, but on his wedding day, his boss will be busy with his wedding, family, and other friends and their partners...What will he do then?

Can you not go on the weekend away, and then meet up later at the evening do? Are you sure your partner hasn't cancelled your invite? In favour of fitting around spending all day with his boss, and not having to rearrange things to include you?

Lifestooshort71 · 22/02/2025 08:31

I sense that your underlying 'miffness' is that you've never met this person who your OH seems so attached to and it's a world that is excluding you. I would feel the same and would want my OH to 'get it' and perhaps wangle a meet between you all at some other time. His boss is taking up a lot of his headspace, some of which should be devoted to you and your lives. I'm not saying there is anything untoward going on but he does seem to be drifting away a little bit.

RainingRoses · 22/02/2025 08:31

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

Because just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to do absolutely everything together.

Guests at weddings are limited. Whether or not a partner of a guest gets invited depends on where in the priority list that guest is. A good friend, then yes, partner too. A work friend, then no, not wasting a space on their spouse that I’ve never met before.

Flamingoknees · 22/02/2025 08:30

I don't think I believe DH about you not being able to attend the night time do. It doesn't make sense. I also think his "boss" is unprofessional and has poor boundaries.

Waterboatlass · 22/02/2025 08:27

Hang on, what's being suggested here?!

alwayslearning789 · 22/02/2025 08:26

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

"OH has met his fiancée a few times... and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂"

So they have all met and he hasn't thought to introduce you?

Have to agree I think it's weird too.

I agree that I would be miffed too.

JMSA · 22/02/2025 08:25

MatchaTea1 · 22/02/2025 08:21

You could still make a weekend of it and find something nice to do while he attends the wedding. I can’t think of anything worse than attending the wedding of someone I’d never met and wouldn’t know any of the other guests. My DH and I have gone to weddings on our own a few times over the years and I don’t think the other one has been bothered about missing out. There was one I went to in Krakow before kids that he didn’t get invited to, but we both flew to the city together and had a lovely long weekend, and he did a bit of sightseeing while I was at the wedding.

He sounds like the type to leave the OP in the hotel for hours while he schmoozes with the boss.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 22/02/2025 08:25

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:22

As I said no official invites sent yet but yes, OH has said boss had said a few times that we were both invited to evening do.
He had a meeting with him this week and he'd said that he really wants him at the day do as they've become good mates but it means numbers wise I can no longer come 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't really understand either.

And no, OH won't know anyone else there as nobody else from their team is being invited to the day.

How does your OH going to the day part affect the numbers for the evening part...?

That's a crock of shit

Waterboatlass · 22/02/2025 08:23

That's a shame when you'd got a plan in mind. I'd make the best of it though. If it's a nice place for a weekend break in summer, could you find enough to do the day and evening of the wedding to amuse yourself and spend a bit of time together Fri and Sun?

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?