Volunteering got complicated …..

You need to put in a complaint about her ASAP.

You can't 'demote' a volunteer or restrict their duties - as there is no contractual role/designated duties to be demoted or restricted from.

So how has her complaint against you been upheld?

I agree that an investigation process may be appropriate - but tbh the process so far, based on what the OP has described, doesn't exactly inspire confidence that it will be fair and even-handed.

The charity may well be following their own procedures - but frankly their procedures (again from what the OP describes) sound crap. It is a little late in the day for the OP to be given an opportunity to put her case, now they have reached their decision and are at the stage of considering what 'sanctions' to impose.

And 'sanctions' may just be their way of phrasing it - but it is utterly inappropriate in this context and they should know better. Phraseology like this is what compromises the volunteering relationship, by implying a mutuality of obligations and exerting control over the individual. Just speculating but if this is how they typically operate it could lead to their volunteers gaining worker/employee status with all the backdated benefits that could ensue.

The OP didn't warn her not to behave in a certain way. She told her not to attend a meeting. She messaged her saying if she didn't comply she would take it further and that she had photos of the affair messages. That's a world a way from 'Sylvia if you don't stop doing X,Y or Z (specific inappropriate behaviour) I will have to make a formal complaint about X, Y and Z (specific inappropriate behaviour)' OP made it clear she would reveal the affair in all its embarrassing explicit glory if the OW attended the meeting. That's is absolutely a threat.

If a charity can collapse due to one volunteer leaving, that volunteer should be an employee.

Anyway, leave, and leave your abusive husband.

There is a quantum difference between warning that, if a fellow volunteer doesn't stop behaving badly to you as a volunteer, you will follow the complaints process designed for that purpose, and threatening them in order to get them to do something illegal. The warning was simply aimed at giving the OW a fair chance to resolve the problem there and then without having to involve anyone else, not pushing her to commit a crime. I really don't understand why people on this thread don't understand that giving due warning is not making a threat.

You can absolutely demote or restrict duties of volunteers. However it's best not to use that type of language. It's generally referred to as 'offering a more suitable alternative role within the organisation'. The volunteer can of course take it or leave it.

Op, why can't you just stop volunteering if that is what you want?

Why can't you just walk away?

How is resolving anything with her DH going to impact on her present difficulties with the charity she volunteers for, which is the problem she is asking help for from this thread?

Firstly, you are quite clearly the one who has been wronged in terms of their betrayal however without seeing the whole text conversations its impossible to tell where you went wrong. Where you've said "I also said that if she continued being the way she was I would take it further in the organisation and that she couldn’t deny the relationship because I have photos of their conversations". reads as blackmail for want of a better term. Either she needs to leave or you do and if you leaving means the end of the charity so be it.

I would stop volunteering and step away now. You're not being paid for this and it's too much hassle and you don't want to have to explain your personal circumstances any further. There is no upside for you in staying. You can volunteer for another charity advancing the same aims without your DH there to mess it up for you.

Your DH has zero say in this and should keep his mouth firmly shut.

The OP stated she wanted to stop volunteering, though her 'D'H was trying to persuade her not to.

The charity may feel the need to deal with a complaint - but the approach should be very different from one involving employees. You can't impose 'sanctions' such as demotion or restriction of duties, - this is not a contractual employment relationship with an obligation to comply with the terms. The only option is to continue with the volunteering, or for either of the parties to end the volunteering relationship if they so choose.

Sanctions are just their way of phrasing it. It will mean they will either terminate the OPs volunteering opportunity or will impose restrictions on her within the role. They are going through a process because its fairer to the parties concerned to let them have their say rather than just make an arbitrary decision. Its for the benefit of the volunteer. Remember, they have recieved a complaint from another volunteer of threats if she doesn't comply with OPs demand. This has to be taken seriously on principle. What if the OP had threatened to expose the affair if the OW hadn't stolen charity funds for her, for example? It's the principle. The charity appears to be acting within procedure. Their role isnt to judge people on the basis of whether they were the OW or wronged wife, only on the conduct relevent to the charity.

I'd do it AT the interview. Go in with the bomb. The avenging Valkyrie but calm. You seem to be surrounded by assholes and idiots. Did the original investigator talk to you before coming to their conclusion? Calmly lay out your facts and proof then resign and leave. Go home and dump your weaselly husband and by dump I mean from a great height onto a hard surface.

Is this a religious charity? I’m just trying to understand how the affair was mostly texting and yet there was talk of moving in together? Something is not right.

Regardless, OP: leave the charity and cut ties with anything related to that period in your life. If you and your DH genuinely want to save this relationship, it’s the only way. I don’t even understand why he wants you there, it sounds like a way to keep the OW in your lives.

Look after yourself first and foremost because no one else is doing it. Including your DH, apparently.

The OP isn’t leaving though. And her behaviour has led to a complaint being upheld. They can’t just turn a blind eye.

sanctions could include demotion, restriction of duties, removal from the charity, warnings not to do it again.

Have to say, this is what I was thinking too. You are a volunteer - and quite a key one it sounds - and you have to go and be sanctioned and then they expect you (presumably) to continue to give your time and effort for free. The only reason I would feel like attending would be to put your case that you were not threatening her, but asking her to either treat you civilly or not go to the meeting. If they are arsey, then you withdraw your services. TBH I would be doing that anyway.

No. There are no laws covering volunteering. Nobody has an inherent right to volunteer just because they want to.

Most charities will have codes of conduct and processes, but no element of it would be covered by law. Charities can’t be taken to court/tribunal for removing the right to volunteer. There is no legal requirement to have stages or warnings.

Your 'D'H has ruined your volunteering role for you OP.

And though I have zero sympathy for the OW, it is notable how he has both of you embroiled in this situation, while he is staying well clear of it all. No wonder he wants you to continue with the charity - heaven forfend that he should be made to look bad. He is happy to see you dragged through some kind of interview/sanctioning process as a direct consequence of his actions. And he wants you to continue with the charity, ie to continue to receive more of the same.

And btw I don't understand why the charity is putting the OP through this quasi-disciplinary process, or what 'sanctions' they think they can impose. This is not an employment situation - the OP is donating her time, effort and skills to the charity who are therefore proposing to put her through an upsetting and stressful process, and on her own time?? And she doesn't have to give notice - she can walk away any time she likes.

Volunteer arrangements are binding only in honour and goodwill. I don't see any honour or goodwill in how the OP is being treated by any of the parties involved.

Personally if you don’t want to volunteer anymore I would just walk away from it all, and let them know why. Sounds like way too much stress when you’ve not done anything wrong. Leave them all too their own drama (sounds like a lot of drama when you are volunteers!)

Exactly. They can’t sanction a volunteer who unvolunteers.

@MellowTiger You didn't do anything wrong. You may have misworded your message to her. But people are misunderstanding your message.

Do you care enough about the charity to continue?
Maybe ask for the committee who review this to sign a confidentiality agreement. That the review is personal information and should not be used for gossip.
Then if they find against you resign from the charity.
And tell your husband to feck off too. The shitbag.

OP I don’t understand why you are giving your husband or the charity (who have both treated you appallingly) any more of your time and dignity?! Ditch them both and give your time to a charity that appreciates you

She put in a complaint saying I had threatened her, which has now been upheld and I now have to be interviewed to be sanctioned.

I don't really get this bit. You're a volunteer, you don't have to do anything. In your shoes I'd be tempted to say that you made a perfectly reasonable request that this woman behave like a grown-up when working with you on charity matters and you are disappointed that the charity is not prepared to protect you, therefore you are not going to offer yourself up for any sanction. And walk away.