Volunteering got complicated …..

People are so focussed on what your husband has done that they aren’t focussing on what you have done, which is essentially what you’re writing about.

However anger led your motivation was, you absolutely were in the wrong for sending her threats. Because that’s what you’ve done.

Whatever they have done, and nobody is condoning that, you lost the high ground when you sent her threats to intimidate her to not attend the meeting.

The organisation don’t need to be involved in your marriage issues. Those are between you and your DH, and your wanting to quit volunteering is your decision.

I’m sorry but you can’t ‘report’ someone to a business/ charity for having an affair. She can do what the fuck she likes. So can your husband. So can you. Leave him obviously. Stop trying to make her the baddie here

So now you launch a complaint about the OW behaviour and the affair with all your evidence so everyones clear on whats hapoened here and why and then you resign and let the charity close. You don't need to put up with any of this any longer

Well when you have your interview re sanctions then surely that is the time to fully disclose the reasons?
TBH Id go through with the meeting and then resign. What are you going to do about your marriage though?

I would report the other women anyway you gave nothing to lose now

Then I would think about leaving the charity and the husband

It’s a shame that your cheating husbands actions may lead to the end of the charity, but his decisions have consequences and that could be one of them.

but to be clear, that is a consequence of his terrible behaviour NOT you responding to the mess he has created and doing what you need to do to protect yourself from it. You did not start this, so please don’t feel any misplaced guilt for looking after yourself

Why is your DH involved I'm this decision? How is she allowed to continue to be involved considering her behaviour? It all sounds messy

I want to stop volunteering… my DH says I should carry on

Well this is a situation that has arisen due to your husband’s bad behaviour, so he does not get a say in it. What you choose to do with your spare time is entirely your decision, and stopping sounds sensible to me.

I would also think seriously about whether you want your marriage to continue.

Well yes, you can’t bully the OW into not attending something with the threat of evidence of an affair. It’s your husband’s fault. Not hers.

What is wrong with you

Clearly you are deeply committed to the aims of this charity, but there still be other charities, doing similar work, where you can make a contribution without dealing with all this aggro.

Husband is a manipulative lowlife. You deserve much better.

Why should your cheating DH get a say in how you spend your free time? He's taking you for a mug OP.

Don't let him guilt you about the closure of the charity. If it means that much to him that it carries on then suggest he and OW leave and you carry on in the role. See how that goes down with him. I'm guessing not well.

Why are you not leaving your husband?

and are you now taking it further, presenting evidence?

I think your involvement with this charity is over. I’m not sure how significant its work is if one person resigning would terminate it.

It sounds a bit shit, TBH. Walk away, and ask yourself whether you think you might have to do the same with the ‘other parties ‘ involved.

xxx💐

I wouldn't be listening to what the cheater has to say re continuing to volunteer. He has no say in this. He created the situation.

And I'd be thinking about leaving him too.