Volunteering got complicated …..

No way would I be putting up with this shit in an unpaid role!

Why aren't you leaving your husband. He the one that caused this. You can't demand the ow doesn't attend a meeting. Yabu here and can see why the supported the ow. Sounds like your time volunteering in this charity is over.

Believe me, the affair isn't over, not after so many years. Don't believe anything either of them says.

how have you managed to stay with him, even when he's been a lying cheat to you? Know your worth!

your charity is unlikely to fold if you leave. I volunteer for a charity and they have a constant churn of volunteers and paid staff. It's the nature of charity work, people come and go. So maybe time for you to go too, as part of your move away from you H. He does not deserve the D.

Does your husband want you to continue so that HE can keep going to the charity and seeing this person? They both have a cheek and both seem quite brazen in their attitudes. Why don’t you quietly find another charity to volunteer for then just quietly hand your notice in without even discussing with anyone?

Wow, you're getting a hard time here. I don't know what wrong with the posters who are deliberately misreading what you posted. I hope Mumsnet does something about this.

As for your situation with this organization, if it implodes just because one volunteer quits, then it deserves to. I also think that there is no point in contacting the other woman. Your husband is an ass and his opinion doesn't count.

Overall, it seems like a badly run charity and I would walk away. Find some place that is better organized where you can actually enjoy the volunteer work. Also, ditch your husband. It will be much better for your well being.

You don’t seem to be interested in protecting yourself here at all. You should prioritise yourself. Not your cheating husband. Not the woman sexting him for years and certainly not the charity you are volunteering for.

Get away from the whole damn lot of them and start again.

OP, neither your H or the charity give two hoots about you.
Find your self esteem and dignity and walk away from the whole mess.
There are loads of charities out there that would welcome your input and you don't need a man.

Personally, I would out them both at the interview. Then leave the bastard

I don't understand how if youu stop volunteering, the charity would collapse. Are you the only volunteer, @MellowTiger
I also don't understand why you remain involved with your husband. It's highly unlikely he has finished his cock-freellancing, and the OW is getting arsey because she knows you know, and is feeling threatened.

I’m not sure what the woman would be “reported” for? Having an affair might be immoral, but it’s a personal, not a work, matter.

Deal with the cheating twatface rather than faffing about what meetings the woman attends. You recognise it's a personal matter - keep it out of the workplace and don't waste the charity's resources having to sort it out.
Take a break from the charity, or leave - find another to volunteer with maybe.

Personally I’d have ditched him.
Seriously how can you listen to a word the liar says. DH says I should carry on who cares what he thinks. He’s clearly got a vested interest in you being busy volunteering so he can pursue women on side and/or keeps him nice and near his long term mistress.
You overstepped when you told another volunteer not to go to a meeting due to your own personal reasons.
From volunteering point of view if you felt her behaviour was unacceptable then report that. It’s not for you to police.

I think you have been completely betrayed by your dh but what you did was wrong. You should have either raised it with the volunteer coordinator/charity manager or a member of the trustee board. They then should have dealt with it in a kind and respectful manner. Ultimately it is your dh that has put you in this position. Sadly you probably will need to step away from all.

God, just walk away from charity and DH.

If this is how they treat volunteers then they don't deserve you and neither does your husband. Walk away.

Good lord she’s brazen isn’t she? She was quite happy to have an affair with your husband for years but when you politely call her out on it she starts boo hooing? How very typical of the type of people who do this. What exactly did she think would happen when they got found out? That you’d wish her well? I am always surprised when people are this dim. Sorry love, fuck around and find out.
Go to the meeting, explain the situation, show some of the more revealing messages. Hopefully they will see reason and if not, just leave. You have said nothing about what your dick of a husband is doing in all this but I hope the man is prostrate on the floor with shame and remorse.

Leave it all.

Leave the husband.

Leave the charity.

Fuck all of it and fuck them.

If the charity can't work without you, then it sounds like you could set up your own one. Or join a new one. I'd not piss about with this mess though. It's too humiliating to expect you to politely tolerate the OW treating you like shit, while your useless wanker of a husband defends her and his ability to keep on seeing her. They're most likely still involved with eachother, too.

Just walk away from all of it.

@moose62 has the right idea. Do this!

You could clear your name with the charity by saying what happened and giving proof. You probably should have complained about this woman as well. You still can put in a counter complaint.

I think walking away now would be appropriate if you don't want to do it any more. I'm sure they can find a replacement but I wouldn't give any more of your time to an organisation that let's you be bullied as that's what ow was doing. Find your anger!

I would go to the meeting and lay all the information out there for them to see. I would then ask how they are going to proceed with the bullying you have received from the other woman. Wait to see what their response is. If they don't back you, immediately hand in your notice. If they do back you, wait to see what sanctions they will bring against the OW. Once in place, resign anyway. And then chuck your soon to be ex DH.

This . You haven't done anything wrong. Find another charity to volunteer for and find another husband!!!

Just leave and tell them why.

I would go to the meeting and explain everything showing all the evidence to clear my name as you have done nothing wrong! How dare she try and implicate you she should be embarrassed then I would decide whether I wanted to continue working here but if I did I wouldn't leave because she had pushed me out she should be ashamed of herself sorry all this has happened to you OP

I imagine the affair is still ongoingbor your husband has the intention of sparking it up again as his reaction is not logical. YABU to be emailing OW and taking shit from him and this charity.

OP, my advice is to immediately walk away from this charity and both lowlife pigs who stabbed you in the back together for six years. You don't need to tolerate that kind of crap from anyone.