Rejected by old boss - argh!

I can't quote you OP because I'm on the app but you asked how the relationship worked out: the answer is it is still strong and I've subsequently given that person another role (some years later). I think this was because of how well they handled it. They asked for feedback but fully accepted the decision I suspect that wasn't their initial emotion but they didn't show me anything other than professionalism and I acknowledged that this was a tough situation. We've gone on to have a strong relationship and one of the things I admire most about them is the way they handled what could have been a tricky situation. By all means feel your emotions but at the end of the day he had to make the best decision he could in the circumstances. When following up, if you can try and keep this in mind.

Has he actually mentioned this to the OP or simply using the rejection email to inform the OP? I think that's the difference.

I'm sorry you're so disappointed OP, but sadly, in the workplace it seems that there are very few people who are genuine in my opinion. It used to upset me that when I changed job, my old colleagues would all say, 'oh, we must keep in touch', but then never did. Then, as the years have gone by, and I've changed jobs more and more, I've realised that people that you work with, and feel like are great friends rarely are, they are just friends of the moment, but mostly all you have in common is the work that you do, and the people that you work with. For example, if you had met many of your current colleagues before you went to work with them, the chances of you actually hitting it off, and becoming life long friends, would actually be incredibly slim, but because you're thrown together, doing the same type of work, and spend many hours a week together, you have to find a way to get on, but many of these people wouldn't give you the time of day 5 years after changing jobs. So I guess what I'm saying is, that your old boss probably liked and appreciated you while you were working closely together, but in the time between then and now, he has worked with other people, and as PP's have said, probably had someone else in mind who he thought would be just as good or better at the job than you. Then because you felt so confident that you would get the job, because you'd worked well with him in the past, you probably came across as being a bit too sure of yourself, and that may have sealed your fate I'm afraid.

Is up to you @Greengreengrassblueblueskies but I would let him contact me first and express how this rejection has tainted the relationship. Not so much the job but more how he dealt with the aftermath of not giving you the job.

You may never get a clear reason. Yo be honest i find the idea of his having a private diary very weird. I deal with a lot of very senior executives and that is not a thing any more.

Like the old days when secretaries picked up their bosses dry cleaning or picked up flowers for their wife

Hi OP. I've been on the other side of the equation and believe me, it's not comfortable for anyone. When it happened to me, it simply came down to a candidate who absolutely nailed it on the day and who I thought would bring some fresh perspective that I might need in the new role.

I understand you are feeling hurt and rejected. But remember he isn't rejecting you or your previous work. He's simply saying that for what he needs, in this role at this time, there's another candidate. It doesn't need to be weird between you and him: asking him for feedback is a good idea but remember he didn't owe this to you and there may be many reasons why he took the decision in he did.

I wish you all the best.

Is it possible his most recent PA also applied for the job, so he had two strong candidates who knew his way of working?

OP it may not be that you weren't good enough, rather that someone else was even better. Perhaps one of the other candidates was also someone he knew and had worked with before? Perhaps you were competing with someone who has useful specialist knowledge or experience that you don't have. He probably found it a hard decision to make, and just because you weren't chosen doesn't mean you were terrible.

I don't know your industry, but in my industry all hires are overseen and interviews are recorded and reviewed. If my management team gave someone they knew a job on the basis that they knew her and liked her while someone else's interview and skillset was superior, they would be answering some tricky questions.

Would you be interacting with him anymore in a personal capacity? I would find it so uncomfortable after this rejection. If he is truly your friend he should have let you know they already had someone in mind and do not apply.

I would ask for feedback when you’re back in work, don’t contact him outside of work for feedback.

There are so many reasons as to why you didn’t get it, he may have had someone in mind already, someone interviewed better, you didn’t perform well or he would rather keep you as a friend.

I think the fact that he didn’t ask you to interview for it and then wasn’t overly encouraging about it shows he may have had someone else in mind.

Depends on their scoring system though. I've interviewed candidates already doing the role they're applying for, and because they mentally expect us to just fill in the gaps. It's ended up with someone else scoring higher based on the system we use.

I guessing your relationship has become too "friendly". Once that line is crossed a lot of people find it very difficult to be truly comfortable in the "boss" role.

You also do sound very sure you know him extremely well. PP mentioned that maybe you assumed too much prior knowledge and that could definitely be a factor if this is how you presented in the interview.

Sorry no, this is a classic mistake to make when being interviewed by someone who knows you.

Is it possible you didn’t give your best answers in the interview as you assumed too much prior knowledge?