Rejected by old boss - argh!

Hmm, I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would consider how competent the candidate had been when doing the actual role in question.

But I do appreciate that people can also be complacent in these types of scenario.

It's likely be a perfectly logical reason as to why another candidate got the PA job ahead of you.

The fact that you are so emotionally invested in the relationship with your boss possibly indicates that the communication is too personal and not professional enough.

Hang in there and go for other promotions; you'll be successful soon hopefully.

Your old boss owes you nothing but a business like response. as to why you were not the perfect fit for the job this time.

Apply for feedback as if he is any other boss within the company..

I agree with this, no way would I ask for feedback I would just move on

OP I am really sorry to have to say this but there is a reason he didn't take you with him when he moved last time. As you have said the manager gets to decide who is appointed and if he had wanted to take you with him he would have found a way to do so.
Maybe his wife feels you got too close, maybe he had some issue with your work, maybe he is just 'fake'.
I would ask HR for feedback, however, the fact he didn't tell you himself tells you all you need to know.
I am really sorry OP it is a horrible situation and it is hurtful. Unfortunately sometimes you have to stop believing what people tell you and start believing what their actions show you.

I have to agree with this.

Sorry I only asked whether you have been intimately involved because your comment about “it could ruin us” is so personal.

Take a huge step back and wait for him to get in touch - if he does.

Do not cry or ask for feedback. Definitely never cry in a professional environment!

FWIW, I think he rejected you because he wanted someone less close. A PA who is just a PA. No blurred boundaries.

You say you had thought of things to say and respond but stopped because you knew “it would ruin us” This is all way too personal. Are you actually having an intimate relationship with him?

I wouldn’t want a friend as a PA even if they were the best person for the job. It blurs too many boundaries for me, particularly if you are dealing with his personal matters too.

Sorry you're feeling rubbish OP

I agree with pps who say ultimately work is work.

People say nice platitudes all the time.

I'm wary of taking on the role as "work wife" , confidante and friend to men in the workplace as these cosy chats rarely translate to having my best interests at heart.

I don't think he'll feel he owes you an explanation at all, or that he's done anything wrong? You see him as an equal/close friend because of your conversations. He doesn't mirror this back at you.

I know someone who was a (superstar) PA who loved her job, went the extra mile.

As soon as she needed some significant compassionate leave during a busy period she was harshly reminded she was a subordinate and not a friend.

This obviously isn't ideal right now, but it's a fairly soft landing compared to being backstabbed by perfectly nice work "friends" which happens often.

You're lucky if you haven't encountered this before!

Perhaps you could look to get to a situation where you prioritise yourself, and only look to move for more pay and opportunities?

That’s a lovely thought. But I’m sure ppl thought that about the high ups in OXFAM

edited to add ‘that’

Not you, OP, the person who got the job. Call me overly cynical - maybe I’ve read too many threads on this forum but when the DH/P make a new ‘work friend’ that they become a bit too involved with it’s a woman and a lot younger, it’s not a stretch that a boss would prefer to work with someone he was more sexually attracted to. I may be way off if he’s hired good old reliable Harold who’s been in the business 25 years….

Hi it was me who mentioned he should have a discussion with the OP.

There've been no contact from him except a official rejection email from the HR. I do think this is a shoddy way to treat someone you have a weekly chat with. Regardless of how awkward the conversation could be, you either pick up the phone or even better meet the op in person to discuss this rejection.

I remember those days, I once got sent out by my manager to get a valentines card for his wife!

It does sound as though there was/is quite a personal friendship and perhaps he wanted some more professional footings in place going forward. Even your assumptions that you were the correct candidate and you would have cried if he had rung you personally to tell you you didn’t get the job.

Sending you best wishes OP You sounds really squared away and like you are trying to be really sensible about a difficult situation. You'll get through this. Take the weekend to feel sad about it then hold your head up high and remember that you have huge amounts to offer and there will be other opportunities. .

It’ll be interesting to see what I presume SHE looks like

Re the person who said he should have told the OP, I'm not sure. I really went backwards and forth on this and in the end I thought getting a call from me would be too cruel. The person would have thought I was calling to give them the job. They would likely have cried in front of me which I knew they would not want to do. I thought an email, followed by a conversation when they'd had time to process was the kindest thing to do.