Rejected by old boss - argh!

you really do sound so very immature in terms of relationships, particularly work-based ones.
everything you add makes it more obvious why one shouldn't work with 'friends'

The email was from HR, he likely will have been told not to tell you until the applicant who was chosen was accepted, then HR will have told the other candidates they didn't get it. There's a high chance he doesn't even know you've been told yet, especially given the timing of the email.

@Notsosure1 my husband is chief executive level and I coordinate with his PA over dates and it makes life much easier. When I need him to do pick-up/drop-offs or leave early etc it helps to have it in the work diary and for meetings to be arranged to accommodate. On the other hand she lets me know when he’s travelling etc and I can put it in my own work diary. Nativities etc are booked in and protected.

Hi PA isn’t buying presents or doing his dry cleaning or any of that stuff but it is very normal to want to have the family stuff clearly in diaries.

No help but I had exactly the same situation last year. Someone I had worked for for 10 years. She got promoted and phoned to tell me she was “thrilled” I had applied for the new role and talked as if I had got the job. I got rejected with no feedback other than it was so close and there was nothing between me and the other candidate. I’ve heard on the grapevine that he hates the job and I am secretly pleased…

He isn’t allowed to do this and if he wanted you but your answers were not as good as the person who got the role (against the JD not each other) then HR would advise him to go for the better candidate on the day.

i once interviewed a person who thought the job was theirs. As a result they didn’t prepare, and were actually not appointable to the role. They were complacent that they would just get it. When they didn’t they kicked up a huge fuss. It was a shame because if they had prepared they would have been a good candidate, but I couldn’t appoint on that basis.

I think these sort of PA jobs are different to lots of other roles because they do become more personal and lots of senior people bring staff with them/do some slightly murky HR things re recruitment to get who they want as they become a bit dependent.

I think it was quite shoddy that he didn’t contact you himself with the news and just let you have a generic email from HR. However, if he wasn’t very enthusiastic about you applying then I think you were probably not going to get the role.

I have every sympathy and understand how you feel but my view is you should never apply for a job if you can't accept you may not get it. You seem to have assumed you would, even though he didn't give you any encouragement. Saying you should / could apply is never saying you'll definitely get it.

I was involved (on the panel) in interviews recently where 4 current employees applied for one role. One seemed the strongest candidate, but in the interview, another showed a far deeper grasp of the role so they got it. All had to continue working with us and were gracious over the outcome.

I suggest you process your feelings and then resume your friendly relationship. Otherwise you'll seem bitter and make things awkward for your old boss too. Don't see it as a personal rejection (yes, I know that's how it feels), just that someone else had the edge over you in the way they performed on the day.

He might want someone who he knows less personally. If you’re as good friends as you say you are then surely you can talk to him about it?

I don’t think I would want someone as a PA that I was friendly with. It’s so much easier and less complicated if work relationships are wholly professional. It’s much harder to be demanding of, or bollock, a friend. I wonder if you’re a bit too attached to him which may make him feel uncomfortable.

It may be nothing to do with your standard of work.

Are you married? Is he married? Is there a possibility he “likes” you and therefore doesn’t want to work too closely with you?

My guess would be that, perhaps unconsciously, you thought you would be the natural choice for the role, so didn't go as all-out in your interview prep as someone who was unknown to the Director and really threw all they had at it.

Ask for feedback - if possible, from someone other than the Director - it might be surprisingly useful.

Remember as well that someone you have previously worked with will know your weaknesses - everyone has them. In some ways you are at a disadvantage because an unknown candidate has a much wider bullshittting and embellishment field. You can't overstate your contribution to a success in your previous role as a PA because he will know exactly what you did and didn't do, but someone else hasn't that limitation and can freely present themselves in the most favourable possible light.

You say it has been a few years since you worked for/with him. Maybe he needs a different skillset from his PA now to the one you have, maybe he feels uncomfortable appointing someone who he is now in regular contact with totally outside work, both for how nepotistic it looks and also because of the difficulty inherent in managing friends.

If you want to maintain the friendship, just let this go.

Haven't read all the responses but can appreciate how upsetting this must be for you, OP. I work freelance in a creative industry where it's quite common to become mates with people you're working for, and I've had the experience of someone I've known for years/now count as a good friend (ie going out for dinner together, know each others' families level close) decide to hire someone else for a project I wanted myself.

It does sting, but you need to remember that this is business and people have to make professional decisions. In my case, I was comfortable enough to be able to say to my friend/colleague 'oh I was a bit disappointed not to be hired on that' the next time we met. She was able to explain the rationale behind her decision, and it was all fine.

It doesn't sound like you are quite that level of 'close' with your ex-boss, so I would just ask for feedback from HR in the first instance. If that doesn't bring enough clarity you could just breezily bring it up with him at a later date.

I'm sure you'll feel better in a few days...onwards!

Gosh, what a tricky situation. I absolutely wouldn't blame you for feeling hurt though. It's a perfectly valid human response. And he should have followed up the interview with a personal call. I can't believe you've spoken since and he has completely sidestepped it!
Honestly, men and their ability to compartmentalise.

Some people are not up to giving negative feedback. He just didn’t want you to be his PA again because for whatever reason. Take it on the chin and move on. Don’t judge him for it (or judge him
if you must, he won’t care). He sees you as a professional connection he doesn’t owe anything to, which us fair enough because people shouldn’t compromise professional lives for the sake of being ‘nice’.

I have to agree with this.

Also in the past - if I wanted someone in my team. I would approach them and strongly encourage them to apply.

Perhaps in this case, you may have been slightly presumptuous?

Maybe he just wanted a change? Maybe working with you would feel like going backwards?
I was a PA to my old boss and were still in touch now and friends. We had a great dynamic, and I loved working with him. However, if he was advertising for a PA now, I wouldn't go for it. It's hard to explain why, but I kind of feel like I've been there, done that. It would feel like a step backwards somehow.
Also, the fact that we've kept in touch as friends means that our relationship has now shifted. Before we were colleagues who got on brilliantly and now we are friends. I'd actually find it awkward to work for him again, and so would he, purely because we're friends. I, myself, have line navaged a friends, and I didn't like it
Finally, this other candidate may be particularly impressive. Much as my old boss thinks I'm great, I can easily imagine him being dazzled by someone else and be excited by working with them. I wouldn't take it personally.

I know but now it’s done if they are good friends she should be able to ask him informally, even light heartedly (even if she feels hurt). I guess it depends how much she wants to retain the friendship.

@Notsosure1 a PA needs to have complete oversight of a personal diary so that they don't put meetings in that clash. How much of it they actually manage (making the appointments, giving reminders) depends on the role.

OP already clarified it was board positions and non-exec Director appointments, not dentist etc.

Working for friends is not good long term. I’d try to see this keeping your personal and professional life Seperate.

And that's exactly why she didn't get the job- the boundaries are now blurred.

This process is like exams. You can have deep knowledge and skill in a specific area but due to nerves or external circumstances have a bad exam or interview - and someone who happens to do well in exams or interview well does better, despite being less suitable or accomplished. It’s a shame it’s based on such a short amount of time as that can never give the actual representation of the person, who may be an introvert but highly skilled. I guess it’s to avoid accusations of favouritism.

Are you able to broach it with him in a more ‘Oi mate why didn’t you want me as your PA?” I mean if you're just mates now you can ask him in a really informal way can’t you? You don’t need to make it heavy and serious (and awkward).

I was referring to a PERSONAL diary - which I took to mean the boss’s physical/mental and familial responsibilities and commitments. This is why I was seeking clarification as to why they couldn’t manage that aspect on their own.

I wouldn’t be allowed to do that as an interviewer. You have to base the scores on the answers given.