Rejected by old boss - argh!

This happened to me years ago and it still stings. I had taught at a school for eight years prior to leaving to have my DS. I had worked hard, had good reviews and had had promotions. When both my children were a bit older, (DS started school, DD at nursery), I put my name down for supply work and the headteacher contacted me.

I went back to cover for an absent colleague, originally for two or three weeks. This colleague then applied for long term sick leave / retirement and he asked me to.cover for the rest of the year. I agreed but on tne condition that I could bring my DS in with me (I was teaching a reception class), and he readily agreed.

Eventually the post was advertised and I applied. They gave the job to a much younger person and I was so hurt by this. My friend who still worked there, rang me about a year later to say that this new member of staff had just announced that she was pregnant. He would have had to interview all over again for a temporary member of staff. Well Kalma is always good isn't it?

I doubt it tbh.

But women do consistently vote in favour of having a male boss. It does make me wonder if attraction plays a role sometimes.

Thanx sally

It's probably that the other contender was a better fit for the job than you tbh. That's not a criticism of you in any way, just that's why people interview, and doing any interview, you have to realise that you may not be the best qualified candidate for the role. It's disappointing for you, but just life.

It's a parenting site but you can discuss more or less any subject you want to.

Hello all what's this site about plz

Maybe he needs someone who works for him, not a friend? If a friend works for him, he may not know how to say many things.

Why are you confused? You were a strong candidate but, on the day, another applicant was more suited to the role. I'm not sure how it could be appropriate for him to give you more detailed feedback, without discussing other applicants with you. I think any awkwardness between you only goes to prove that you don't understand or maintain professional boundaries.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but do you think you may be a little too full on for him!

Ok.

Jesus sounds like your in love him and obsessing over this, crossed way too many boundaries for a work professional relationship and that's probably why he didn't hire you. Take a step back and read how you come accross in this thread. It's slightly needy and unhinged.

Thank you so much. The feedback was very positive from HR so I’m still very confused!

I completely agree with this!

In addition, It's very hard to IV with someone you know well as often people don't give the best answers as they expect the other person knows them already. I always tell people I'm interviewing that I know already, to pretend they don't know me as I can only score on what's said at interview - so you may not have interviewed to your best Op (meaning that kindly).

Be professional, ask for feedback & move forward. Don't let it affect your friendship / friendly professionalism. It's hard now but you'll be fine.

Positive new dawn and yes you are fantastic at your job! Don't forget how wonderful you are! It's your opportunity to do something much better.

Thank you so much for this. You are absolutely right. I love being a PA and I’ve been good at it (at least I think so!) for a long time. And I’d love to do that elsewhere. My reason for changing is that I just feel I want a change. I’ve been here for too long.

Yes they did make me laugh those stories, especially the ones that we were having some sordid affair - absolutely NOT.

i just wish he would be honest and talk to me.

@WorthySnail

I agree with @workshy46 that you were never going to get it for the same reasons. It's a shame he hasn't been the friend you thought he was otherwise he'd have contacted you to comiserate, explain, or give you the feedback you asked for at the very least.

I do think now could be a good time to split from your current workplace. If you were thinking of moving departments anyway it may be you have come to a natural stop there. I'm sure another workplace will be an exciting much needed change for you.

PAs are hard to find so you could find yourself snapped up, that'd be a boost! I hope that happens for you.

As for some of the really odd theories of him being a sex maniac gagging for young beautiful women, I love them, they gave me a good laugh but seriously, seriously batshit.

Thank you. I was worried about applying for other roles after this rejection but your post has cheered me up.

You were never getting it. The fact he didn't ask you to apply (given your personal and professional closeness) , or even encourage you shows that was the case. He couldn't tell you not to apply so being blasé was the best he could come up with
No idea why he didn't want you, maybe had someone in mind for it , maybe he didn't think you were that great but liked you, maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship but you didn't mess up the interview, you were never in with a shot to begin with

Thank you for this I really needed to hear it today ❤️

Maybe a bit far fetched, but could it even be that you and he were always very friendly and it has caused problems at home, so he's steering clear of taking you on again as his PA?

You can still find that great new job, just maybe not within that organisation. It could well be that your time there has run its course and it's now time to move on. A fresh start can do us the world of good sometimes. Good luck 😊

Well we aren’t speaking at all other than the weird email, so I won’t be bringing it up ever 😂

I actually have heard at work who was given the job. I wouldn’t say your description is correct of them (in a nice way!)

I would imagine it is likely to be one of two scenarios:

1. the successful applicant may have more relevant experience in the area he is now moving to

2. he feels that you and he are over friendly now and this can be awkward when you are somebody's line manager

I know you must be hurt but just hold your head up high and don't mention it again!

Maybe he chose a young and attractive candidate and is embarrassed because you would see through it right away and he knew he would be lesser in your eyes.

So the coward just avoids. Hence the generic reply and lack of contact after.

Either way, sounds like a change of scene will be good. The company's loss.