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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

UK or Australia

36 replies

ShouldIstayorgogogo · 21/02/2025 23:31

Hi All,
This is a very tricky dilemma. I’ve been living overseas for fifteen years and am now living in Australia with my husband. I’ve suffered from some huge health issues (cancer) - I nearly died from related complications and ended up in the ICU (as well as the pandemic) over the last few years over here without the majority of my friends and family.
I’m slowly starting to recover from the health issues. It has really changed my life. I can’t do the job I did before. My level of fitness is low but I’ve been working on it. I’m trying new things and trying to move forwards.
However I still get very low because I miss my parents who are now late 70s and all of my friends back at ‘home’. I miss doing stuff with my family - sharing a meal etc. Having friends to go to the pub with. I have a couple of good friends here but it’s not the same.
My husband is lovely but very obsessive about hobbies and I feel alone a lot of the time because he’s always plugged into podcasts etc. I work fewer hours because physically I’m still recovering so I end up doing all of the housework.
I am able to travel a bit between the two places - but I never feel settled in one place. I think that’s just me though.

What would you do in my position? Am I being unreasonable to want to move home knowing it will probably wreck my marriage - he doesn’t want to move.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldIstayorgogogo · 22/02/2025 00:11

@UrsulaBuffa I’m in Melbourne. UK I’m south east not too far from London.

OP posts:
Relaxd · 22/02/2025 00:11

I wouldn’t move in this scenario, but I do think you both need to talk about how you’re feeling lonely. Moving home won’t necessarily change that. I also had a life threatening illness, and physio several years later has really helped regain the fitness and strength I thought I’d lost. Turned out some of the surgeries had caused weaknesses that could be overcome. Might be worth a try?

Original poster
ShouldIstayorgogogo · 22/02/2025 00:10

@NotOnThe I would stay with family in the short term. I still own a home in the UK which is rented out so it’s possible. Probably would have to be sensible with money but I am anyway so it would be ok. I don’t have expensive taste. I do like to travel - Europe is closer and it’s easy to travel cheaply.

I’d just like to feel settled.

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffa · 22/02/2025 00:01

What city in Australia? What city in the UK? I've met quite a few Aussies who have moved to London.

NotOnThe · 22/02/2025 00:00

Longer trips definitely a good idea. Grass not always greener but as someone who has lived in both countries. I get it. And you are still so young you have lots of options. Could you do it in your own financially back in uk?

Original poster
ShouldIstayorgogogo · 21/02/2025 23:59

@Pippa12 yes that’s it. I’m concerned that I’m not going to spend any time with my parents. My mum is almost completely alone as my parents divorced - she’s a very difficult lady. We were estranged for a long time but are now in contact again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldIstayorgogogo · 21/02/2025 23:57

@menopausalfart yes I’ve done that. The last two times I’ve visited I’ve extended my trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldIstayorgogogo · 21/02/2025 23:56

@NotOnThe early 50s. So still have a good few years to work really.

OP posts:
menopausalfart · 21/02/2025 23:49

Could you stay with family in the UK for a while and see how you feel after a few weeks?

NotOnThe · 21/02/2025 23:41

How old are you?

Pippa12 · 21/02/2025 23:34

There’s so much truth in the saying there’s no place like home. After such awful life changing events you’re craving the love and attention of your family and friends. I’d come home if I was you.