UK or Australia

My DH is also Australian and like you, we've lived in several countries including the UK and Australia. We're now settled in the UK and we both love it - beautiful home, high earners so work part time with lots of time to relax and enjoy life, excellent quality of life. No regrets whatsoever.

@ShouldIstayorgogogo
This really resonates with me "Then I go home and I feel happy again!"

That's exactly how I feel. I was 'ok' in Oz. Higher salaries etc... but only in the UK I feel 'happy at home". You can't find it in a bottle, it's not within a pill, you can't do yoga and find inner peace to get this feeling ... there's only one way and you have one life.

I wish you well x

If homesickness is that bad, I'm inclined to think that you would be better off coming back to the UK. It's all very well now saying that you can come back for holidays, but as you get older, you will start to find that long journey growing more and more arduous, and you really don't sound happy where you are. It sounds like your relationship doesn't fulfil you anymore, the weather is too hot for you, and only likely to get hotter with global warming, and the friendships that you have in Aus don't seem to really matter to you. All of these are BIG things in life, and life really is too short to spend months of every year wishing you were somewhere else. So while normally I wouldn't be in favour of breaking up a marriage, in this instance I do think that coming back is the right thing for YOU, and your DH then has the choice as to whether he comes too, or whether you separate. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think you need to be more proactive for your social life.
Put a Facebook message. Really fancy seeing X at the cinema. Anyone fancy joining?

The UK and its healthcare system is not in a good place but I think you should come home

I'd not want to get involved in the UK health system- it's appalling can you do extended trips but still have the health needs taken care of in Melbourne.

You’ve been gone 15 years . You would have changed and your friends would have changed too . Going for a holiday is completely different. If you can still go for a holiday every year I think that’s better . From all I hear the UK is not in good shape . Of course some spots better than others. Your mum won’t do your mental health any good . Stay in Australia.

Due to work I'm in different countries every few years do do understand what it's like when parents get older and we miss out on important life events of friends and family.
However, I personally find it difficult to be back for extended periods. I've done it twice but after 6 months/ a year I couldn't wait to 'escape' again. Of course it was great seeing old friends but it's also important to remember that they have their own commitments and lives and new friends do catching up as often as you'd like isn't always possible.
As we get older it is more difficult to meet people but all I'd say to that is just talk to people.... maybe that woman having coffee by herself in the cafe down the road...does she have a book with her that looks interesting? An English accent ... whatever. It may not lead to a conversation and forming of a lifelong friendship but it's a start.

I think in your position I'd hang on a bit longer..... the weather, healthcare system and lifestyle are all so much better.
And if you see an English woman talking to random people, it'll probably be me 😁

OP unfortunately it’s the curse we all have living in a different country to where we were born and grow up.

From all forums, online groups etc no one is very feels settled and going ‘home’ is never that same. Ever though you visit often and very thing and everyone has moved on including culturally:

I would stay where you feel the things that make you happy can make you happiest - outdoor walks/visting friends etc.

The grass isn’t always greener and be careful your aren’t romanticising one country or another. Plus, all of you issues and problems will follow you.

You’ve had a life changing experience, but I wouldn’t burn my bridges. You say your mum is a difficult person and it sounds that you’ve had a period of not being in contact. She is still going to be a difficult person, in fact aging can magnify personality traits. I’d suggest longer trips to the UK. From a financial perspective, this should be the time to solidify superannuation (I don’t know about UK pension schemes). Do think carefully, if your marriage is still important to you ending it is a big step. I do know a couple of people who ended relationships because they wanted more - and greatly regret their action. It might help talking to someone to explore your feelings and help you to work out what you want.

I can understand why you want to move home but visiting home and being there permanently are very different. Maybe visit in January and you may think twice about wanting to move 🤣

Do you think if your relationship was a bit better and you had more friends you'd be happier where you are? Sounds like you've been through a lot and it's natural to miss your friends and family.

Stay in Australia. But visit your parents

From what I hear from older friends who live here your health care system is far better than the UK even though it is partially private. In the last year or so, one has had successful breast cancer treatment and her mum is having a hip op without the lengthy wait you'd get in the UK.
Another possibility is to do what other friends of mine do (admittedly retired) and spend 6 months in each country.
Look for new hobbies and ways to meet people (easier said than done sometimes I know). As an example in Perth there's a group of women who go for an early morning swim, there's another group for sunrise yoga
I'm sure there will be something similar depending on where you are...

For the love of God, stay in Australia. It will be the most expensive cure for homesickness you ever experience, and your husband, if you manage to force him to leave Aus, will never, ever forgive you.

Thanks for responding to my questions OP.

You said 'We have had trips away together but we’re not really having much fun anymore. But maybe that’s what cancer does to a long term relationship?' I honestly don't think that this can be blamed on your illness, as I became disabled only a year after marrying my DH, he has to do so much for me, helps me to get dressed, gets all my meals, helps me wash when necessary, etc. We've now been married 28 years, and are still VERY happy together, in spite of the fact that I can't do nearly as much as he can. So it's not necessarily your illness, although possibly the way your DH has responded to it, which are two different things, if you see what I mean.

I think that sadly, many married couples drift apart over time, we all need our hobbies and separate interests, but it shouldn't be at the cost of our relationship, so it sounds to me like you need to have a serious conversation with your DH, and tell him that he's obsession with his hobbies, leaves you feeling lonely. If he brushes your feelings aside, then I'd be giving serious thought as to whether your marriage actually means as much to him now, or if it's just become a comfortable habit, and if it's a habit, it's clearly only keeping one of you happy, and that's not you. You may find that by developing your own hobbies that it fills the loneliness somewhat, but your comment about 'not really having much fun anymore', makes me think that perhaps you've lost interest in each other, and the relationship has run it's course.

One question you didn't answer is whether he has genuine reasons for now wanting to come back to the UK? I'd be interested to hear your answer to this.

Is your husband from the UK OP? What are his reasons for not wanting to move here, are they sensible, justifiable reasons, or is he the stick in the mud type, who was born in Aus and never travelled, so doesn't want to? Do you actually have a good relationship, only you saying that you feel lonely a lot of the time, doesn't seem to indicate this, or have you both drifted into a pattern of behaviour, which has resulted in your feeling alone, and if so, can you work on getting the feelings back?

If he doesn't have genuine reasons not to move, and you were to tell him you NEED to come back, would he still refuse, or would he think that your feelings were too important to ignore, and be willing to make the move for your sake? It sounds as if even after 15 years, you have more friends here in the UK than in Aus, if so, why is that? I would have expected you to have felt cut adrift for maybe 2 or 3 years after moving so far from home, but after 15, I would have thought that Aus would have become 'home', and it doesn't sound like it is.

One thing I would say though, is that as your parents are in their 70's now, I would be very wary of dithering over making this decision, as you would no doubt have serious regrets if you left it too late.

Lived half my life in Oz and half in England. A lot to love about Oz but soooo prefer the UK. No worrying about ridiculous levels of UV, walking in woods with no tiger snakes or big spiders to watch out for, more doable weather, spring blossoms and red leaves of autumn, hop over to cities in Europe, Christmas is awesome in the UK, proper Christmas markets in Europe, the humour.... any humour(!!), easy distances to other cities, little village fetes, Panto!, loads of farms selling fresh veggies in an hour's radius, no burning from the seatbelt or horrific dry skin being in aircon for months (lived in NT and WA), not feeling sticky for half the year...

These are just my reasons. I know some people love Oz. That's fine too.
I really swithered, worried, panicked but took the jump and I love it.

Good luck to you.