He told me to find someone else to have babies with

Also, I haven't seen it mentioned yet by PP but I think it's worth pointing out that a temporary wave of "broodiness" is a feature of peri-menopause in quite a significant portion of women. And those hormone shifts often hit at a time when parenting starts to be more and more about supporting from a distance and preparing them to leave home or seeing them actually leave home, a phase of life that can require some indentity-rebuilding in mums especially. Your recent health event may have exacerbated this all.

Others have given great input. Your DH has been clear on this since the beginning of your relationship - you both committed to the marriage under those terms - and having a baby now would dramatically alter the course of your lives over the next two decades. So from his perspective you deciding you want to start over with a new baby is essentially you deciding you no longer want the relationship and future the two of you have been building together. And frankly it is neither responsible nor wise for a person to create a child they decidedly don't want "for " their spouse; it's a recipe for resentment and an unhappy home.

Also, while your story sort of presented it as you raising it out of the blue I'm suspecting this is perhaps not the first time you've brought this up. His very direct response is even more understandable if he's already reiterated his feelings on the matter and you tried to start working on him again.

YANBU that was a hurtful nasty thing to say. Nothing to do with your chances of actually having a baby.

You’re 47…..

I think your reaction is due to the fact you had a health scare and sepsis. You were very seriously ill, which in turn has made you realise that life is actually very fragile and face your own mortality. I had bacterial meningitis and septicemia when I was 26, I was given a 30% chance of survival. You survived sepsis, but you psychologically are dealing with the fact you could have easily died. People can be flippant in a situation like this, and say 'Oh but you didn't die, you're still here'. Yes, you know that 🙄 but you still have to work through the fact you very nearly wasn't, and that takes some accepting. Please seek some therapy to talk through your feelings and emotions. You're fixating on having another baby, quite possibly as a coping mechanism, to having been through a traumatic experience. I say this gently, you don't need me to tell you, that conceiving naturally at 47, with one tube is highly unlikely - deep down you know this. Your husband probably did think you were joking, and I can imagine if I'd said similar to my husband at 47, he'd have said the same to me too. Your husband has been consistent throughout your relationship, that more children were not on his list and you went into the marriage knowing this. Having your second tube removed has perhaps also made you realise deep inside, that the baby boat has truly sailed. Again, please seek some professional counselling. If you work, many employers have an Employee Assistance Program, that often has counselling as a service that can be accessed.

I think YABU I'm afraid. I understand you are disappointed but really 47 is too old to start over. I'm not surprised your husband said no!

I understand how you feel.

dh and I are similar with dc from previous relationships but not one that is 'ours'. Together we had decided to make peace with that, then in my 40s I was unexpectedly pregnant. I had a miscarriage.

After that I longed and longed for 'our' baby. But every logical analysis said it wouldn't be the right thing to do (my age, ages and stages of our existing dc, finances, the age we would be when the imagined child would eventually be independent, needing a bigger home / car, etc). Logic won out.

For me there was a process of grieving. For the child lost in miscarriage and the future child I'd dreamt of. It was the future child that was the harder loss - that child (all an imagination) and that life was just perfect and brought love and benefits to everyone in the existing family (all an imagination).

20 years on I can still feel sad, but in a wistful way. But certainly in the 3 - 10 years following the miscarriage and decision not to have a child, the ways things unfolded in our family, we were mightily glad that we didn't have a baby / toddler / child added into the mix.

It IS a sad feeling when we face the possible end of our fertility, when we have to accept that some possibilities (a child that shares the genes of you and your dp) might have to go. How can you find ways to make peace with that sadness?

Getting some help would be a really good idea OP. It’s ok to be sad your fertile days are over. It’s not ok to try and force a baby that your DH doesn’t want on him. In all honesty in 5 years time you’ll probably be glad you didn’t go for another.

enjoy your kids, enjoy each other and enjoy the freedom you’ll have very soon when your kids are self sufficient and you’re still young enough to have a good time. There’s a lot more to life than making babies.

You’re being extremely unreasonable. Why should he consider it ‘for you’? He’s not just a sperm donor to provide you with a baby because you’ve suddenly decided you want one in your late 40s.

I’m in my late 40s and if my partner suggested trying for a baby I’d think he was joking too.

At 47, with one tube, with love... it's not going to happen

Get counselling if you need to. Or a puppy!

You need to let this go OP.

Bloody hell. Of course he shouldn't create a child he doesn't want just because you're broody at 47.

Why fall out with someone you love, treats you well etc… over something that isn’t going to happen anyway. So strange…

Massive risk of a disabled child on top of normal sleepless nights. You’ve both done that stage of life and the relationship is built on you enjoying the next bit together - watching dc become adults and enjoying wonderful times together. A baby would massively change that dynamic. I’m 42 and if dh mentioned having a baby I’d laugh and assume he was joking.

I do understand why being ill has led you to this but I’m understanding your dh’s reaction.

He’s always been upfront from the beginning and clear and it’s neither his responsibly, nor that of a baby to rewrite your previously bad experiences of pregnancy. I think you need therapy to deal with whatever past traumas you have.

You said you can’t believe he won’t consider it and have a baby “for you” and that’s exactly why it’s so wrong, you’re just expecting he must do something as monumental as having a baby just because it’s what YOU want. You knew he didn’t want any more, for all this time. You can’t flip the table and now point the finger. You can be upset about his decision, but it’s a decision he’s remained firm on for your entire relationship and given your age and current family circumstances he’s not unreasonable to think the time has well past. I’d be shocked if my partner came to me a decade later nearing 50 and suggested a baby too.

I see it as a massive insult that we’ve been together this long and he won’t even consider it for me.

Its no better of you though- he's been clear for that long he doesn't want more children so it's a insulting of you to suddenly expect him to.

Agree with pp. 47 is too old. Even if you could conceive, the risks would be high and you could easily have the child living at home into your 70's.

As it was agreed from the start that there would be no more children it is understandable that he thought you were not being serious.

It is a lot to ask of him - to tip an agreement on its head, to see you go through a high risk pregnancy when he has just watched you nearly die, to deal with the effect on the existing children, to face the prospect of parenting into his late 60s.

I can hear that you are hurt by his reaction. I am sure he did not literally mean that you should find someone else to have babies with - he was probably just reacting to what he saw as a preposterous idea.

I am grandmother age and I understand that moment when you finally realise there will be no more babies and that you have to say farewell to a phase of your life that you have enjoyed. Moving from one phase of life to another is part of being human and we will all find that hard. I hope you can come to terms with the situation and forgive him for his knee-jerk response and move on together.

I'm sorry but 47 is too old. It would be very unlikely (ignore celebrities they use donor eggs). You've also had 13 years where you could have had another child so ask yourself why now? Probably losing a tube/ hitting a final rush of hormones has made you want one now but I think YABU (kindly).

Kindly, op, yabvu

I hate siding with a straight man but his reaction is understandable

Any grandkids on the horizon?

Enjoy your life - a child will be so exhausting - do you really want another 18 years of parental responsibility?

❤️

I see it as a massive insult that we’ve been together this long and he won’t even consider it for me.

He's already considered it and given you his answer.

If I was 47 and my husband burst into tears because I didn't want another baby, I'd also tell him he'll have to have one with someone else.

Because I certainly wouldn't be saying yes.

Sorry to be blunt but regular periods really means nothing when it comes to fertility at a certain age. I really struggled to get pregnant due to crappy egg quality at 37. Periods are like clockwork.

Hi OP

He could have put his feelings more sensitively but with you being 47 and him (I’m guessing) around the same age, it was probably a bit of a shock.

Honestly, OP I think you would be taking a massive risk having another child at your age. There is an increased potential for the child to be born with one or more of a number of conditions - and you might not live long enough to provide family care once they are past their 20s.

This sounds related to you having an ovary removed, which is understandable - it’s thinking you may have 1 last chance.

While that may be true, you’ve also got 3 beautiful children who are in a stage of life where there is already a lot going on for them. Is a baby going to be good for them? You already know how your husband feels about it.

I think a bit of therapy might help you to reframe your thinking so that you can cope with not having another child.

Hope you can resolve this.