He told me to find someone else to have babies with

Yes I thought this.

Men don't have the same hormonal drivers that we do so it's easier to be pragmatic about things like babies.

Some of the comments are quite unkind which is a shame. I understand why you might be feeling like this at the moment.

Maybe though, instead of putting yourself and body through the baby thing again, it's time you gave yourself some love, and time to heal from what sounds like a pretty traumatic experience. Book some things to look forward to.

I'm 46 and my husband said that u can have another baby with someone else 11 years ago after ds2 was born!

You have 3 children between you which is enough. Plus, having a baby at 47, even if possible would be incredibly hard on you both physically and mentally. Trying to survive on no sleep, then running round after a young child until you're what 60? No way.

Plus you got sepsis and could have left your 2 motherless and you think it's a good idea to do that to another dc!

So you wouldn’t want there to be a male pill then, because it would give men too much control over fertility?

Surely you side with the person you think is right? 😖🫤

It's not to be taken seriously 😭, its a joke about how i'm team woman

I'm not siding with someone's husband unless I have to

I'm so glad you've taken the advice on board, op ❤️

It's okay to feel sad. You're grieving. But the advice is right, its time to focus on what you do have - peace, the ability to get a good night's sleep.

Speaking to a therapist is the right move, as you've survived a lot. Best of luck xx

It's really not the way of the world......

I was 4 yrs old when my grandmother was 47
You're having grandparent urges. I have them too (I'm 56) with two teens in the house.

Sounds to me as if you weren't doing it right! 😂

Because that's the way of the world. Always has been. I know so many people who had an oops baby. Not saying it's right. But if men controlled fertility, we'd probably have died out by now.

I thought that was an odd comment, too. As if all straight men are awful!

i think you would struggle to conceive and time is not on your side fertility wise, I think if you even tried it would probably break your heart worse. Your children and his children will most likely make yous grandparents in the near future. Going by how maternal you are I think you will make an amazing grandparent. You will have all the love and baby cuddles and be able to hand the child back and be able to sleep through the night, x

This x1000

None of us like getting old and having our life options narrow.

That's no excuse for being irrational.

Enjoy what you have. Maybe explore why your age-appropriate life situation isn't enough for you. No need to produce yet another human being to solve your problems.

47, I am planning for retirement in less than 15 years. That’s my goal and another baby would blow that out to 25 years. That would definitely be a deal breaker for me, New mother exhaustion quickly followed by menopause exhaustion would break me.

I think he is being 100% unreasonable, but not for the reasons a lot of people are thinking. You asked you husband a deeply felt question and he told you to find someone else. Fair play he might have thought it was a joke, you don’t describe his tone. Either way, it’s unreasonable to be flippant and dismissive once he realises. It’s not unreasonable for him not to change his mind, but it’s unreasonable not to be gentle with you. I would agree with his thinking if he’s assuming you’re both too old to start a new life with an already large family. I’d work on your maternal urge and work out where it’s coming from. You’ll have grandchildren soon enough - does that make you happy, or cry? The answer to that will indicate what the root of your desire is, and how healthy it is.

Aside from your age, the practicalities and the fact that you already have three older children, plus the financial cost of seeing them into adulthood… aside from all that, I suggest that you would do well to apologise to your DH. He did not massively insult you, in fact he did not insult you at all. He just didn’t want what you think you want. Why were you so ready to think of that as an insult?

I think you ABU because you're already a mother of two and your partner's already a father, and it seems you only want a child because of your remaining fallopian tube and just because you'd like to have a child with your partner. As he's is not keen, I think it makes it doubly unreasonable.

Having written all that, I became a mum at 43 and I know many would similarly agree that trying for a baby at 43 is too old. Personally, I don't think 47 is too old, but of course I'm biased because I had a baby in my 40s while I'm guessing the majority of women responding to you had theirs earlier (or don't have children).

A friend of mine who had been trying for a baby since she was 35, finally conceived when she was 45 and then had her second when she was 47. She's doing fine and well and we're just getting on with it.

If you didn't have your teens all those years ago I would encourage you to try, but as others have advised I think you should explore your feelings with a therapist.

Call your happiness within your relationship your 'baby' and invest all your energy on strengthening that.
You will be going through empty nest feelings for the next five years so firm up your current family.
It is a rare time for splurging time on your spouse before grandchildren come on the scene and before caring for your elderly parents restricts some of your time.
You could benefit from getting a new pet, hobby or charity.
A budgie, a cat?

Why would you hate siding with a straight man?

I'm so sorry OP for what you've been through.

Him not sharing your wishes wasn't the insult. The insult was the shitty things he said to you and not picking up on your grief for what you've lost and for what realistically won't happen again.

He probably panicked. I'm rather assuming that he's your age or older?

The thought of you attempting pregnancy after your medical trauma, the dangers of it in your late 40s, the chances of real problems with the pregnancy, a baby's health and your own at this stage in your life must be scary.

The dialling back the clock to a time of life he feels he's left behind and is maybe looking forward to grandchildren.

How aghast he must feel at the thought of the financial implications.

The exhaustion with a toddler in your fifties, an adolescent in your sixties.

Creating an individual whose entire family will pass years before they do.

He has the right to not want any of that - and to feel that you respect that.

He needs to acknowledge and be compassionate about your sadness, knowing it's most unlikely to happen.

And he needs to know how what he said made you feel.

He probably assumed you were joking given your age and that having another child has always been off the table. YABU.

Gently, OP, and echoing others, it might be a sensible idea to talk this through with a therapist. I completely get it - it's hard thinking of having no more children and accepting that it's time to stop, but it sounds like your DP is adamant he doesn't want more. Whilst the choice should be equal, he is in within his rights to express his feelings, just as you are. Enjoy the children you have and look forward to grandparenthood when it (hopefully) comes around. I suspect in ten years time, you'll feel better about this.

As I said though, I do understand. I fell pregnant a couple of years ago (I'm in my 40s) and although I was worried about the even larger age gaps between my children, was really looking forward to the baby/toddler years again. That ended in a catastrophic miscarriage, which my eldest two witnessed and were therefore fully aware of. We've avoided any chance of pregnancy since then, for both our own mental health and that of our children.

Sending hugs - I appreciate it's sad and upsetting.

YABU.

You are 47. You have children.

The ship for more children has sailed. Throwing away your relationship because you want to have another baby is insane.

You are not coming to terms with your own age and probable infertility.

There isn't another baby to be had.

Are you normally this irrational?

I'm 70 and very far from 'decrepit'. The years when I brought up my children were the happiest but also the most exhausting years of my life. NO WAY would I want to be dealing with a late teen 'child' at this stage of my life. I have a grandchild who I love dearly..... but I'm always glad that I can hand her back at the end of the day.

At my age, one is facing one's own mortality and wants to make the most of the years that one (hopefully...) has left. There are still so many new things to try, countries to explore, events to attend, et cetera. I love my family but I also want to be me!