He told me to find someone else to have babies with

I wonder if some of this is about grieving the relationship you didn't have. I get hit with this too. I absolutely adore my son (who I had with an abusive partner), but I'm not going to have anymore children even if I did meet someone else, and it's been a real process to accept I'm never going to have that "bringing up a child with someone who loves me" experience.

Im with your husband op.
47 is too old to be starting again with a baby dont you want any freedom back.

Sorry, I'm with your husband on this.

@Jffs You stand a good chance of grandchildren.
All the fun, and you can hand them back - people generally love grandchildren.

I got a puppy when DS was grown and I absolutely loved it - Puppy is 3.5 yrs now.
She's just lovely. Well behaved, quiet, a delight to have around.

If one feels like having a small ''dependent'' being, a puppy fulfils that- and when they grow they are marvellous companions.

A baby at 47 is very risky {and puts a potential human being at risk of congenital disabilities - it's not fair on the potential human being {a baby is a baby for such a short time}.

A friend was called ''an elderly Primagravida'' at 27! {she was 28 when she had her son}.

it's okay 🤭😭

It's just an internet thing, support for girls and gays, not to be taken seriously 😭

Sorry @mumofoneAlonebutokay I should never have asked the question 😭🤣

It was a joke! 😩

You are right but I also understand the feeling of resentment and biologically it’s still possible (just unlikely). I know another person who had her first and her second after 45.

You hate siding with a straight man? Grow up.

OP being practical here, you/DH would then have to work until much later in life, you would be a 60 year old with 13 year old.

You need to move on.

I'm 53, DD is 15 and I'm going to have to work until she is out the other side of Uni/HE as a lone parent.

Please, be practical.

You're in that time when you're free of the child rearing, you have young near-adults, you're regaining your health, hopefully both sets of parents are still independent, your children will be launching in a very few years.

For some that's a golden time of freedom. Where travelling, starting own businesses, finding themselves etc can happen.

For others it's the start of feeling 'what am I even FOR, now?'

And for women, the very real experience of perimenopause.

Start reading about it. It's a challenge, and your surgery may have started it or you may be there anyway. Was an ovary removed, too?

Even if you aren't in peri, tho your age is pretty standard, it's wise to be forearmed.

https://patient.info/womens-health/perimenopause

https://www.theindependentpharmacy.co.uk/menopause-hrt/guides/menopause-symptoms

Why would you "hate siding with a straight man"...?

Can you imagine if someone said they hate siding with a gay man?

You seem to be saying that because your DH doesn’t want a baby, it’sa reflection on your relationship. It’s really not. He’s married to you. He just doesn’t want to go back to the newborn stage again in his late forties and that’s a very reasonable decision.

Don’t ruin a good marriage chasing a very unlikely dream. Just because you started your periods late doesn’t mean menopause will also be late - I started later than most and finished earlier than most…

OP it sounds like you went along with what your DH wanted when you got together but it wasn’t actually what you wanted and you are regretting that now which is completely understandable.

OMG, you are literally staring into imminent freedom, the possibility of holidays at non peak time at a reasonable price, dinners and weekends away without the kids and no babysitters, et cetera. And you would want to turn that upside down?!

If your comment came out of nowhere, I can understand why your husband said what he said as he probably thought you were having a laugh. And for him the idea of having a baby after all you’ve been through with your all your teenagers would be laughable.

I am actually similar age and similar scenario but my DH and I tried 10 years ago. And I had a miscarriage. I ended up feeling some marginal relief as I suddenly realised the dream of having a child together could in reality be a bit of a nightmare. And with that age difference to the others, it effectively grows up as an only child.

Grief is making you unreasonable. Mean that in a kind way. I am 47 and have 3 on my own. My youngest is 11 and I've noticed I have much less patience with him as he's grown up cos I'm that much older and often feel overwhelmed when I realise I've been in the teenager stage for 7 years and I have another 8 to go. They aren't even bad kids, just it's harder to keep them safe and happy once you can't just lift them up and cuddle them and put a plaster on a sore knee and they are more out in the world if you know what I mean. It is sad to think that phase of my life is over but I'm really enjoying the new phase and having more freedom finally. Counselling could help. Also there are other ways to channel a yearning to care for a child. If you wanted to do some volunteering there is fostering or home start to help with vulnerable kids without you having to commit to 20& years on another child.

I think bursting into tears is a bit unfair to him. It’s not new information you know he doesn’t want more children and as far as he knew neither did you.

the tears are about you and you processing reaching a new stage in life. Not him. Gently the answer to how your feeling isn’t a new baby but reorienting your life now that the main focus isn’t going to child rearing.

see it as an exciting new phase a chance to find a hobby you can do together perhaps.

He doesn't want a child. At 47 you're really to old to have a child. Enjoy the kids you have. Maybe have counselling to deal with your feelings.

Ridiculous comment

Um no. It’s attitudes like this that give women a really bad name. It is never acceptable to trick someone into having a baby

Look forward to the Grandparent years. That is the next phase of your life you have to look forward to

You need to come to terms with the fact the baby phase is in your past

This is your hormones speaking. It will pass

Oh love I get it. I really wanted another biological DC and have the experience of the DF being engaged. But things didn't work out and I had to concentrate on the DC I did have. When I finally hit the menopause despite not wanting another DC for decades I cried. Because there was no chance then and I was in the next phase of my life.

You've also had to deal with a life threatening illness. But you cannot risk your mental and physical health at your age to maybe have another baby. Even if it were to happen the odds of having a healthy baby are very small. And you won't have the same energy now to run around after the baby and your teenagers really need you. That's if it goes well.

I agree you need to talk this through with someone.

That’s a horrible thing to say you know to someone who suffered from infertility.

I’ve been trying to have a baby with my husband for 5 years. Only managed 2 miscarriages and 4 failed rounds of IVF. I’m now pretty much too old and’s totally skint and it’s unlikely to happen at all now.

But haha how funny laughing face I must have just not been doing it right yeah? Stupid me. Maybe if I’d have spoken to you first to teach me I’d have had a baby by now.