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Original poster

Anyone else get really irritated with the organisation of hen dos or is it just me?

81 replies

Candystripes85 · 21/02/2025 20:22

I’ll start by saying I’ve organised both hen dos and baby showers in the past so I know it’s no mean feat to get money from people etc. Thats not what my gripe is.

I may just be unlucky but every time I am invited to a hen do for some reason whoever is organising can’t seem to give people a straight answer on price.

I’ve been to one abroad where the host said it would cost £250 all in for a weekend away (plus spending money). To cut a long story short, 3 nights away ended up costing us about £500 each (not including spending money), which was literally double what was originally agreed. I was pretty irritated at the cost and I would never have gone if I had of known in the beginning it would cost that much.

Then another one we got told a price, everyone agreed and then the host ended up planning various activities that no one was told about before hand. We all got ‘surprised’ with them when we were on the hen do and felt forced to pay to attend to not cause issues or make the bride feel uncomfortable. This ended up doubling the cost.

I’ve been invited to two this year - 1st one couldn’t make her mind up on the type of accommodation we would stay in because of the prices, asked everyone for opinions and as predicted no one could come to a agreement (there are 20 people attending). Ended up in absolute chaos and it still hasn’t been finalised despite the hen do being in May. I’m not even convinced we we will able to get accommodation for 20 people this late where they are planning on holding it now!

2nd one wants a non refundable deposit to confirm your place but won’t tell anyone the total cost before they’ve handed it over. She has said that activities, travel and food aren’t included. A few people have said they would need to know the final cost as travel and activities could easily double the cost of the whole thing but she still won’t say (probably because she doesn’t actually know or hasn’t thought it through).

I mean am I just being ridiculous here? Is it that hard to just make a decision, price everything up and just tell people it will cost £££ to attend plus spending money for any drinks you want on a night out etc? They know where they want to go, they know the activities they want to do, they know where everyone lives to arrange a mini bus for travel. Just add it all up and give people a best case figure if everyone can attend and a worst case figure if only a few go. Then people can make an informed decision right from the beginning.

I’ve definitely learnt from my past mistakes so certainly won’t be committing to either until I have the answers around cost, but it’s just exhausting and it almost puts me off going as it’s the same issue every single time!

OP posts:
Kissedbyfire1 · 21/02/2025 20:52

I’ve got one coming up. It was arranged without consultation, presented as a done deal on, say, a Tuesday (admittedly with the cost made clear) and followed up on the Friday with an ask for the full amount of several hundred pounds to be paid on the Monday! Needless to say, some fairly awkward conversations ensued.

Zodiaclibra · 21/02/2025 20:52

YANBU at all, this is my experience of hen dos too. The costs always spiral, it’s why you see so many posts about them on here it’s not as easy as saying no at the start because they always start off cheaper and more sensible. It’s so annoying watching the poor planning and having to pay more.

Original poster
Candystripes85 · 21/02/2025 20:38

CarpetKnees · 21/02/2025 20:35

Of course YANBU.
If you agree to organise something, then do that - organise!

Remember to add a premium on to the detailed cost so people aren't asked for more once someone can't come (as inevitably happens). But be absolutely clear what is included in the price, and what the agenda is before offering it out.

I know I’ve only had 2 replies but I’m so glad other people don’t think I’m totally crazy. I feel like I’m often seen as a bit of a trouble maker because after the first couple of disasters above I always make sure I find out the whole cost before committing. I ask the question and people respond like I’m asking them a totally unreasonable and bizarre question.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 21/02/2025 20:35

Of course YANBU.
If you agree to organise something, then do that - organise!

Remember to add a premium on to the detailed cost so people aren't asked for more once someone can't come (as inevitably happens). But be absolutely clear what is included in the price, and what the agenda is before offering it out.

Original poster
Candystripes85 · 21/02/2025 20:35

MidnightPatrol · 21/02/2025 20:26

The whole thing is ridiculous IMO.

You can’t travel, rent accommodation, do multiple activities and eat out without spending, realistically, several hundred pounds.

Most couples wouldn’t do this together as it would be such a huge splurge, so why on hen dos it’s the norm I have no idea.

Particularly annoying given you probably have no say in when, where, what the activities are etc!

I agree! I feel really lucky that I’ve been invited to many over the years but the cost nearly always make me cringe. I often hope they are arranged for dates I’m not available so I have an easy excuse not to go lol.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 21/02/2025 20:26

The whole thing is ridiculous IMO.

You can’t travel, rent accommodation, do multiple activities and eat out without spending, realistically, several hundred pounds.

Most couples wouldn’t do this together as it would be such a huge splurge, so why on hen dos it’s the norm I have no idea.

Particularly annoying given you probably have no say in when, where, what the activities are etc!