To think it’s my business who gets my money when I die?

My dsis was devastated when I finally got married and had dc. She had assumed I was too old and would leave everything to her dc. She was very unreasonable tbh.

People do leave things to family though and have massive assumptions. It really annoyed me that it was assumed I'd leave everything to far flung relatives and not on ensuring a tidy amount in a will.

Lucy might accompany you on a trip somewhere you both want to go instead. Something nice instead of IHT

Maybe your dad is now rewriting his will to leave more directly to Lucy instead of you?
it was unnecessary to start an argument over a passing remark but now he knows your position. He sounds like he has a different opinion to supporting the next generation and you are probably well provided for already too.

You'd think that would be it, but it wasn't because she then needed to start a thread to ask if she's being unreasonable (which she isn't obviously)...it seems like it cuts deeper than 'Dad made an assumption and I was annoyed'.

The more I think about it, the more I am annoyed on your behalf OP.

To me, it’s as if he is saying that you are just a temporary custodian and it is the family line that counts. As if you are less worthy because you don’t have kids.

Although I do wonder if @Linux20 has hit the nail on the head. That he is assuming anything you get from them would later be passed on to their grandchild. He is perhaps seeing it very much through an egotistical lense.

from what OP is saying the dad has a form of bulldozing his views and discounting/ invalidating hers. Guess that’s why she’s feeling the way she does?

I really hope my siblings and siblings in law leave inheritance to my dc

You can hope but aren’t you setting yourself up for potential disappointment. If they do get an inheritance that’s great but they’re also not entitled to one

Is it because he’s thinking that you’d get an inheritance from them that he expects you to pass on?
The assumption is odd. I have one child, my brother has none, he’s always been really generous towards my son (bought him a Mac one Christmas just before his A levels 😳 Not requested by us in any way!) But there would be absolutely no assumption by either me or my son that anything would be passed to him in the will. What him and his wife do with their money is their business.

I get where you are coming from . He made an assumption upon your death that Lucy would receive an inheritance. Ok, fine, that’s what’s in his head . But your reality is not his . The fact that he got huffy and dismissive and shut down is arrogant. He’s put you in a place of uncomfort. He was in the wrong and treated you like a child . Don’t let it get to you .

It’s very obvious from OPs post that the assumption is what has annoyed her. Doesn’t sound like OP pulled him up on it but rather asked a question about his assumption.
I don’t think it’s as deep as what your thinking it is, OP got annoyed by her dad that’s it really

I can see why you bit back. Does you dad have form for telling you what to think and do? I know mine is constantly baffled by decisions I make that I’ve thought through but that don’t align with his worldview.

Of course you can do what you want. My only concern would be if someone tells Lucy she can expect an inheritance from you. For that reason I would probably leave her something, if only a smaller amount, just in case. Not that you will be around to care, but just thinking of the ‘auntie didn’t love me much after all’ sort of scenario when you’re gone.

I dont think youre expected to leave a specific inheritance for Lucy. Just whatever is left. A charitable donation would be reasonable too.

I really hope my siblings and siblings in law leave inheritance to my dc as they are the only children in our family. I don't expect them to scrimp to give an inheritance, but it would be nice to pass what little there is down to make their lives easier.

I also hope it will come very late in DS life as its nicer to have aunts and uncles living well and spending Inheritance with equity release .

I do think equity release is a bit dodgy. What if you live a long time and need care? I'd rather have my equity to fund a nicer nursing home because the council ones are GRIM.

It’s your decision but you made a simple conversation awkward when there was no need

Sure, but why did your dad making a reasonable (albeit incorrect) assumption in passing irk you to the extent that it did? That's what I'd be asking myself in this situation.

You could have just rolled your eyes and let it pass, but you had to pull him up on it, continue on a conversation and then start a thread about it. It's obviously pulled on something more than 'I don't like people making assumptions'.

Yeah but I think the question is WHY do you care? People make wrong assumptions all the time but this seems to have narked you. Maybe it’s that you’ve always been expected to take care of your sister or that you feel your dad thinks your life is less valid because you don’t have kids or something else.

I wonder if your dad actually wishes you had had kids and secretly thinks you haven’t because you’re a bit selfish. If that’s possible then maybe he thinks this is just more of the same. He shouldn’t have assumed though but I guess he loves his (only?) granddaughter a lot and just wants to have her as well supported as possible.

You can leave your money to whoever you want. No need to make a big thing of it though. Just brush it off- “I’m planning to spend it all on cruises and champagne” and move on. I agree with pp that this sounds like it touched a nerve.

You should read this OP: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Die-Zero-Getting-Your-Money/dp/0358099765

That is a bit presumptive for your dad to say it’ll all go to Lucy. Makes me think that he’s had a conversation with your brother about this, and that it is the assumption/conclusion they’ve made.

Definitely your decesion, and not anyone ejse’s. Also would make me disinclined to leave it to Lucy, well maybe a nominal amount, but not the whole amount. Don’t know how old Lucy is, but is she being told this as well?

In your position I'd do the same. You don't have anyone else to rely so put your needs first.

Just say something along the lines of:
"Well, you never know what might happen. There was that woman on the news who had a baby at <insert whatever age it was>"

I was amazed when my brother said that “obviously” he was leaving everything to my kids in his will. It wasn’t obvious to me at all, so I don’t think it’s an assumption everyone makes.

My friend is in the same position as you and has decided to divide whatever's left between charities and friends as their 'Lucy' will already be well provided for.

I'd enjoy as much of it as you can whilst you're here!

Not every conversation is that deep. It was a passing remark, it's not like you are on your death bed making a dying declaration. Your parents probably won't even be around when the time comes. What they think or assume means nothing.

I'd be annoyed too. He's made a big assumption.
May I please suggest a cat's home or a donkey sanctuary? We need more of both.