To think it’s my business who gets my money when I die?

Whenever there is a thread about inheritance no matter how unfair the distribution is. Everyone says you can't expect anything. You'll just have to spend your time, money and energy to taking care of a loved one eventhough they're giving everything to the drug addict cousin twice removed that hasn't been around for 20 years and rest to the cat shelter. But somehow this is going to a different direction.

It's weird isn't it? It's hardly a controversial topic, OP hasn't done or said anything awful to her dad or her niece but there's been a real horrible pile on. Sometimes the first response sets the tone and all the others follow their lead.

If I had no direct family to leave it to , I'd have fabulous holidays , great meals out ( paying for a friend if didn't want to go alone ) lovely days out , lots of self care - hairdressers , manicures , massages ext and generally enjoy spending it .

Good for you to think of equity release of even sell up and rent so no worries about upkeep.
Hopefully spend the majority in having a nice life indulging yourself.

Then on your small inheritance left , favourite charity / good cause and niece if you still wish to do so .

To be quite frank , you might see a fair bit of ' Lucy ' now but when she's all grown up and doing her own thing she will probably see you as a distant relative she doesn't even wish a Happy birthday / Merry Christmas too .

I agree .I have sorted stuff out for my DC myself and certainly don’t need to keep being told by my childless sibling that they will spend everything and my DC will get anything that might be left. I just shrug and say my kids ,my responsabilty.

Don't be ridiculous. Mumsnet is for anyone that choose to post. There is a Retirement board for people who probably are no longer parenting young children. There is even a 'Mumsnetters without Children' board on here.

I'd much rather have meaningful contributions from non-parents than goady and unhelpful contributions from parents like you.

Your dad (and it isn’t always dads) who still think they unmarried daughters are of the spinster variety.
You are to be there for them as carer because your brother will be ‘too busy’ with his family.
You are to leave all resources to Lucy because woe betide you want to do anything else.
I am now without both my parents and believe me you can’t change them, only how you manage them.
At this stage, Lucy is probably busy living her life and unaware of all of this.
Make a will and don’t tell them - they don’t need to know what’s in it. It’s none of their business.
And use the ‘yes Dad that sounds great’ to everything.
Am I suggesting you lie? At this stage I think not revealing your plans for anything is the best way.
Parents like your dad will get even more stuck in their ways. Learning to detach a bit is hard, it just takes practice.
And then live your life for you.
If you outlive them - and you will - they won’t know anyway.
They will not have a clue. And bearing in mind how things change, and care you may need yourself, I often say I might have bugger left by then anyway!

That's assuming there is anything left. You will need a good wodge to pay for care costs should they be needed.

My husband has a childless aunt on his Mum side and an uncle on his dad side.

He is the only relative on his Mum side and has a half sister on Dad side.

He doesn’t expect anything from either of them. Have no idea where they will each leave their money too. I can assume that his sister is likely to inherit something/more from their Uncle but she is very close to him and makes an effort - slightly different with my husband relationship with them.

It’s their choice and nothing to do with us.

Of course. But if OP is arguing a hypothetical, and he thinks it it true then it may give him a false impression of what she actually intends.

Whilst yes it is money, that she probably doesn't need, I'd be devastated if my parents wills weren't equal and would take it as a slight.

Well that would be his choice as its his estate. The OP is arguing for the right to leave her money as she likes, presumably her father has the same right?

It’s your job to provide for your kids, not that of your siblings.

I also have a Lucy, parents are a lot better off than we are so I feel no guilt about prioritising my own future needs over theirs. They can have whatever’s left over.

Yes. It’s just the difference between “probably will” and “already made provision to”.

Just be careful with this that your dad doesn't attempt to right perceived wrongs by leaving all his estate to your niece or sibling and cutting you out.

The opposite in that she does already intend to leave a bequest to her nieces.

Its entirely up to you what you do with your money.

There was a similar blow-up with my family when they found that I wasn't leaving anything to my niece. The assumption was me being childless would leave it all to her. In fact it is going into a trust to look after my dogs when I die with the carer getting the remainder of the estate on the death of the last one.

....That then raised the question of who was getting the dogs, my brother was furious when he found out it is an ex boyfriend and not him (then a few other specified people as back-up). Just for reference when my niece was born my brother asked I stop bring my dog to family gatherings, which I unhappily did.... I found it telling he didn't want my dogs around his child until there were £££ involved.

I understand your annoyance op.
I’m also childfree and single. I’m well off and my family know this as my salary is in the public domain. I have lots of nieces and nephews, with varying degrees of closeness to them, some I am very close to, others I’d struggle to recognise.
One of my sisters assumes I’m as big a fan of her DC as she is, and has made multiple comments about them benefitting more than others in my will. She has also suggested I start giving them money now, whilst I’m in my mid-40s, to reduce the inheritance tax burden!

Over the years, I’ve found that certain people have opinions on what I do with my money both while I’m alive and when I’m dead, perhaps because there isn’t such a ‘traditional’ route expected for it due to me being childfree.

My stock response now is to smile and say something along the lines of people shouldn’t have expectations and that anything they receive would be a bonus.

But it is infuriating, I agree.

Yes he should have but older people often assume inheritance will be "kept in the family". Of course it's your business and of course he has no right to tell you where it should go. But he's just reflecting social norms of his generation.
You could find a DP with kids, you could find a DP who is half your age, you could become trustee of a charity. Plenty could happen. I'd personally have just made some non committal noise and moved on the conversation. Or said in a jokey way "either Lucy or the cats home, depending on my mood at the time" or "better still I may do a random recipient generator" or something of that ilk.

I agree her post could read that way, which would be obnoxious, but I think she just means blessed in the sense that she has money, and the opposite of you in that she is definitely planning to leave it to family. That’s how I interpreted it, anyway, but it wasn’t very well worded I agree.

OMG OP I’m so sorry you’ve been met with the utter fucking nastiest side of mumsnet on your thread.

Agree with you OP.

Write a will. Otherwise it goes to your parents.

If you don't get around to making a will your niece could inherit your estate (if you are not married/no parents/siblings deceased).

Your siblings/parents could inherit if they are still alive and even a child of your niece could inherit if all other relatives are deceased.

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

If you want to decide who inherits your estate then you need to make that will or else it will be decided for you.