Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Agoraphobia and Wedding

37 replies

Aquabi · 21/02/2025 16:09

If you had a sibling who is agoraphobic and struggling severely with their MH how would you feel if they were not able to pull themselves together to attend?

OP posts:
TrainTicket · 21/02/2025 16:18

I have had agoraphobia and didn’t leave the house for years, and there is no “pulling yourself together” when you are in the throes of it. It’s offensive that you even think it would be that simple. The battle is huge.

myplace · 21/02/2025 16:16

I think OP is the agoraphobic and is asking for another perspective.

I would ask her if there was a way she wanted to join in or celebrate that she’d be comfortable with, that I could also accommodate without changing the vibe.

I wouldn’t organise my wedding around the needs of one person, in ways that stopped me enjoying it. But I’d do something extra that she could be a part of.

Anewuser · 21/02/2025 16:15

You have agoraphobia and your sister has told you to pull yourself together.

Well, I’d tell her she can fuck right off.

ExtraOnions · 21/02/2025 16:15

I would feel sad for them, and try to arrange a video link for the ceremony.

DinoLil · 21/02/2025 16:15

OP, just thought that you may be the sibling.

No one should expect anything from anyone who is unwell. End of. No 'pulling themselves together', no 'stiff upper lip', no 'just grin and bear it'.

If you have a chronic illness that means you're housebound, then that's the end of it imo.

toomuchfaff · 21/02/2025 16:14

Also concerned of the language "pull themselves together "

Not sure who is using that language but that's a major red flag that they don't have an iota of a clue what the effects of "agoraphobia and struggling severely with their MH" entails.

mintbug · 21/02/2025 16:14

Are you the agoraphobic sibling? Or is it your wedding?

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 21/02/2025 16:13

Aquabi · 21/02/2025 16:09

If you had a sibling who is agoraphobic and struggling severely with their MH how would you feel if they were not able to pull themselves together to attend?

You really have zero understanding of MH issues . I would pull yourself together OP and set about educating yourself .

Arlanymor · 21/02/2025 16:13

I wouldn’t expect anyone with genuine agoraphobia to ‘pull themselves together” any more than I would expect someone with two broken legs to run a marathon. I hope they are getting some help because it’s a very debilitating condition. Is this a reverse? It’s really not hard to have a proper conversation about it, where the invitation is offered but there is no pressure or expectation applied.

toomuchfaff · 21/02/2025 16:11

I'd encourage them to focus on their health, I'd not put undue pressure on them to attend, or to make promises they may not keep. I'd not expect them to say they were attending, I'd also leave open the door that even on the day they could come along to celebrate with us.

DinoLil · 21/02/2025 16:10

If you had a sibling who was paralysed, bed bound and couldn't move, how would you feel if they couldn't 'pull themself together' to attend??

mintbug · 21/02/2025 16:09

I'd be disappointed but I'd understand.

Swipe left for the next trending thread