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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 22:16

Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

Show quote history

If you consider real jobs to be only those that are directly consumer facing or involving physical labour, then sure. However, the majority of white collar jobs - finance, accountancy, most aspects of law, anything digital, marketing, I could go on, but you get the idea - are neither of those things. And we can do them perfectly well from home (according to staff, employers, clients and consumers).

BunnyLake · 21/02/2025 22:02

Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

Show quote history

You haven’t really thought that out properly have you?

Liz1tummypain · 21/02/2025 22:01

Your partner sounds like hard work. I hope he's worth it.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 21/02/2025 22:01

So glad to read you've dumped this pathetic attention seeking, controlling, jealous man child.

Now get the key safe code changed and remove the tracker on your phone ASAP and you'll be totally free of him.

IF he brings any trouble to your door, please do not hesitate to report it to the police. He gives me bad vibes.

coffeeandflipflops · 21/02/2025 21:40

My 4 year old knows not to interrupt me when I'm working from home.

Your partner needs to understand that WFH means that your home/ room is your place of work.

RetroTotty · 21/02/2025 21:39

Was it his or your idea to allow him to track you?

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 21/02/2025 21:35

Get him off that tracker. And good for you walking away.

Original poster
Inchacha · 21/02/2025 21:34

@ForZanyAquaViewer taking time out of my working day to make a drink, during a 4 hour meeting, is hardly dereliction of duties! So I don't think I was poorly performing in this instance, let alone "routinely". My boss certainly wouldn't say so.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 21/02/2025 21:32

Also He also threw at me the fact that he took me to the hospital a few weeks ago as my dad had been rushed in, he was “good enough to run around after your dad but not good enough to be able to just pop in when he was passing” he’s saved this to throw at you because he feels you owe him for helping you. He hasn’t realised that helping your partner when they need it is just what you do in a healthy, loving relationship. And just to be kind, with no expectations of a return on your invested time and effort.

He’s like one of those ‘nice’ men who think that they deserve a woman’s attention because they haven’t been abusive to her. He’s insane. I’m so pleased for you that you’ve seen the light. Do please anticipate awful behaviour and be careful with your personal safety. Take yourself off his phone so he can’t see your location. Don’t meet up with him and if he threatens self harm, call the police and let them deal with him. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Well done you.

outerspacepotato · 21/02/2025 21:32

Shut off that tracking app ASAP. Who cares what he says. You have broken up with him because of manipulative and rude behaviour that could have messed up your livelihood.

Don't let him in if he comes over. He's using health concerns that haven't been borne out by diagnostics to be valid health issues. Tell your kids you have ended things because of bad behaviour from him and not to let him in or talk to him even if he claims health issues.

Leave this one far behind on the rear view mirror.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 21/02/2025 21:31

“as your partner I should take priority over work”

He'd be gone for this neediness. Tell him to grow up.

AngelicKaty · 21/02/2025 21:31

Allthegoodhorses · 21/02/2025 21:28

@hwi.. I haven’t seen viviennemary for a while.. you’ve name changed haven’t you??

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Now you've sussed @hwi they'll be changing it again - to "Luddite". 😉

Allthegoodhorses · 21/02/2025 21:28

Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

Show quote history

@hwi.. I haven’t seen viviennemary for a while.. you’ve name changed haven’t you??

Changingplace · 21/02/2025 21:23

Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

Show quote history

Don’t be so ridiculous 🙄

AngelicKaty · 21/02/2025 21:22

@Inchacha 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Nice work OP - his reactions to everything you said and did speak volumes (escalating a discussion to a row and following you out to the car). Enjoy a peaceful evening - and a peaceful life without him in it. 🤗

Original poster
Inchacha · 21/02/2025 21:20

@Hwi my job is very real!

OP posts:
Hwi · 21/02/2025 21:16

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 19:58

Lots of businesses are currently partially or fully remote, and it works well - for staff, stakeholders, consumers and the businesses’ bottom lines. There has been research that bears this out.

What OP has related is very unusual. And, on a purely personal and anecdotal level, isn’t something I’ve come across. I don’t think it can be taken as indicative of failings in wfh in general. In any workplace context, there are sometimes (very unfortunately) members of staff with personal situations that negatively impact their ability to do their job (which is not to say that the OP is routinely doing her job poorly - we don’t have enough information for that).

Show quote history

Bottom line - real jobs - teachers, surgeons, hairdressers, taxi/plane/train/bus drivers, nurses, shop assistants, cleaners, etc. can't be done from home.

rainbowsparkle28 · 21/02/2025 21:14

I would not be tolerating this kind of behaviour, you do not have to put up with this. End it.

Sorry - read update! Well done OP for seeing this POS for what he is and stay safe.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 21/02/2025 21:12

Well done for getting rid of the nasty manipulative prick. He sounds properly nasty so be careful, nasty men can turn even more nasty when you leave them.

Original poster
Inchacha · 21/02/2025 21:11

@JFDIYOLO my adult son is 20, at uni- I don't support him as in pay for everything but I do send him a small amount every month/help him out where I can.

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 21/02/2025 21:03

cherish123 · 21/02/2025 15:14

In future, don't answer the door if you are working.

She didn't , her child let him in.

DaffodillyDallyDame · 21/02/2025 21:01

your adult DC (what's the story there, though)

The OP has said she has a young adult child at university. Why wouldn’t she be supporting them? Why need there be a ‘story’?

JFDIYOLO · 21/02/2025 21:01

Beware any sudden 'health emergency' or threats to self harm over the next few days. A well known controlling tactic.

RetroTotty · 21/02/2025 21:00

DaffodillyDallyDame · 21/02/2025 20:54

I don’t want to send him off into a “she must be with someone else to have hidden her location!” rage.

Don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet that you have broken up with him. His feelings and reactions are no longer your concern and must not determine your actions.

OP is used to placating and pandering though. It's only been hours, she'll still be in that mode in half of her mind.

BunnyLake · 21/02/2025 20:59

You can remove yourself from his location finder. He’s a controlling twat even if he’s not like your ex. Well done for giving him his marching orders.