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AIBU?

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Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
ScottChegg · 22/02/2025 14:33

Also, this has already been covered; there is a long backstory.

SofaSpuds · 22/02/2025 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So what??? Do you expect OP to play your timelines? She recognised a problem, realised she wasn't happy, and did something about it!

Unlike many on here unfortunately 😕

stayathomer · 22/02/2025 14:18

This reply has been deleted

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OrangeYaGlad · 22/02/2025 14:15

He's a dick head. Next?

WearyAuldWumman · 22/02/2025 14:13

Bigcat25 · 22/02/2025 14:11

But of a stretch but maybe he wanted her to loose this job he resented, and as another posted said move in. Then she'd be more financially dependant and he'd have op to look after him.

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I think that you're probably right.

Bigcat25 · 22/02/2025 14:11

WearyAuldWumman · 22/02/2025 13:35

Oh, he's just an immature arsehole!

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But of a stretch but maybe he wanted her to loose this job he resented, and as another posted said move in. Then she'd be more financially dependant and he'd have op to look after him.

MeridianB · 22/02/2025 14:09

Well done, OP. Stay strong.

you did a great job of pre-empting his next steps - another unannounced visit and attempts to let himself in. Glad him and his stuff have gone. Hope he has got the message now.

handsdownthebest · 22/02/2025 14:06

NiftyKoala · 22/02/2025 14:03

Run. It will only get worse.

RTFT...she has

NiftyKoala · 22/02/2025 14:03

Run. It will only get worse.

SofaSpuds · 22/02/2025 13:58

Well done 👏
And good thinking to remove the key!
How absolutely DARE HE!! Thinking he can just let himself into your home 😡
Good riddance to bad rubbish!

That feeling of relief and joy is all you need to remember ✨️ 😊

WearyAuldWumman · 22/02/2025 13:35

Inchacha · 22/02/2025 07:18

😂😂😂

Fart noises. And a bit of jazzy scat, scoo badibblendeeda 😂😂

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Oh, he's just an immature arsehole!

GoldenLegend · 22/02/2025 13:34

So he tried to get your spare key but you’re the one who’s odd for having taken it out of the box? LOL. 😂

NoTouch · 22/02/2025 13:34

Well done @Inchacha you are handling a tough situation very well. Try to spend as much time as possible with family and friends who love and respect you over the coming days/weeks.

AngelicKaty · 22/02/2025 13:34

@Inchacha "Emailed me suggesting that I was doing something odd re: hiding spare key though!" More gas-lighting OP, suggesting your behaviour for removing the key was "odd" whilst thinking his behaviour in trying to gain access to your home (trespass) after you've ended the relationship is perfectly reasonable! 🙄I think you're absolutely right to keep your guard up for now OP, as these type of controlling men take a while to get the message that they can't always have what they want, but I'm SO impressed with the way you're handling this - well done and enjoy your new-found freedom not having to pander to this pillock. 🤗

Mrsbloggz · 22/02/2025 13:21

I don't want to be alarmist but (from the way he has behaved as if you are his property) it sounds as if he might have the potential to turn stalkerish.

Daleksatemyshed · 22/02/2025 13:19

Well done @Inchacha , hopefully now he's got his stuff and he knows the spare key has gone he'll get the message. If you get any phone calls from unknown numbers over the weekend I'd just ignore them.

Mrsbloggz · 22/02/2025 13:18

OP, from what you've said I think his end game was moving in with you, taking over your home for his benefit. He was already acting as if he owned the place wasn't he!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/02/2025 13:16

Nowvoyager99 · 22/02/2025 13:04

So he was going to let himself in! The arrogance of this man!

You are well rid OP. Do be careful though. I suspect he still thinks he can bully you back into a relationship once you have “got over yourself “

...and charge up to the bedroom, no doubt.

From experience, the pestering lasted for about three months, mostly consisting of finding ways to find somebody to pass messages on (your friend's A&E might have a few visits where he goes on about how he knows you've been having an affair and he just wants closure, etc, etc, or attempting to contact your older DC via social media with 'I've got some terrible news'), the odd 'I was just passing through and thought you might like a coffee' and 'You've still got my...I can't remember, I just need to come in and I'll remember what it is once I've looked in your bedroom for evidence of a man' and so on.

Might be a couple of incidences of being parked down the road or leaving something by your front garden that you know is him.

It's all rather boring, really.

Nowvoyager99 · 22/02/2025 13:04

So he was going to let himself in! The arrogance of this man!

You are well rid OP. Do be careful though. I suspect he still thinks he can bully you back into a relationship once you have “got over yourself “

Crupts · 22/02/2025 13:01

Well done OP.

However, you now have a tape of your ex partner trying to enter your home without permission.
Serious shit.
He should not have done that.

Do not hesitate to contact the police and mention this.
Stay safe.
Police are used to dealing with scum like him.

Ohnobackagain · 22/02/2025 13:01

Well done @Inchacha

MissDoubleU · 22/02/2025 12:59

Inchacha · 22/02/2025 12:55

I was right and he turned up at 9am. I was upstairs and watched him via my ring doorbell app but didn’t answer the door/ speak to him. He tried the key box when I didn’t answer the door the first two times he knocked and was visibly cross that the keys weren’t there. I hadn’t been up long so hadn’t put his stuff on the doorstep. - I mailed him (blocked on phone) to s

He did leave though and didn’t hang about. Emailed me suggesting that I was doing something odd re: hiding spare key though!

I mailed him when I was on my way out (blocked on phone now) to say it was now on doorstep. Just got back and he’s collected it.

Am a bit nervous about whether he will turn up again though so will keep my wits about me for the foreseeable.

Had a lovely coffee with some dear friends and shared with them the relief at having ended it. They have known that the relationship hasn’t been fun for a while- that’s just how it felt, like a chore rather than enjoyable- and were glad that I have made a decision. I’m not in the least bit sad or down in the dumps, instead I am excited to have more free time and looking forward to Spring. I do love this time of year!

Thank you MNers for all your support and helping me see straight.

Proud of you! You’ve handled this really beautifully and with strength. Keep your boundaries strong. You ended the relationship, very very odd of him to assume he can still have access to your spare key (ergo your home) ! Just more evidence you’ve done the right thing, as is your friends support. Celebrate your new found freedom!

Original poster
Inchacha · 22/02/2025 12:55

I was right and he turned up at 9am. I was upstairs and watched him via my ring doorbell app but didn’t answer the door/ speak to him. He tried the key box when I didn’t answer the door the first two times he knocked and was visibly cross that the keys weren’t there. I hadn’t been up long so hadn’t put his stuff on the doorstep. - I mailed him (blocked on phone) to s

He did leave though and didn’t hang about. Emailed me suggesting that I was doing something odd re: hiding spare key though!

I mailed him when I was on my way out (blocked on phone now) to say it was now on doorstep. Just got back and he’s collected it.

Am a bit nervous about whether he will turn up again though so will keep my wits about me for the foreseeable.

Had a lovely coffee with some dear friends and shared with them the relief at having ended it. They have known that the relationship hasn’t been fun for a while- that’s just how it felt, like a chore rather than enjoyable- and were glad that I have made a decision. I’m not in the least bit sad or down in the dumps, instead I am excited to have more free time and looking forward to Spring. I do love this time of year!

Thank you MNers for all your support and helping me see straight.

OP posts:
Mrsbloggz · 22/02/2025 12:33

He said that he didn’t know I was on a call or even that the noises would have been audible anyway (of course he did. I’d been talking ffs!)
As you say of course he knew, but he is unable to back down, has to be the person in the right and so his impulse is to lie, spin it around and blame you.

So when I quite calmly also asked him not to turn up without letting me know he was furious. Said he thought we’d got past me being silly about that and that it was ridiculous to say that he could not just show up and what on earth was I hiding that meant he couldn’t.
Flies into a rage because you want to be a separate individual with some privacy, because he can't have everything on his terms and because you won't defer to his every wish.
I would just get rid, all he will do is try to dominate and sabotage you to keep you beneath him.
🚹
⤵️
🗑️

LovelyLeitrim · 22/02/2025 12:18

Hwi · 21/02/2025 18:25

I don't know what you should do, but this post illustrates brilliantly why WFH is never working, either literally or metaphorically.

One person on a forum had an issue and dealt with it = working from home doesn’t work at all.

Ridiclous

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