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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
DazzlingCuckoos · 21/02/2025 15:23

I can't believe he thinks he's being reasonable in this!

I'd ask him "if I worked in an office and was in a meeting in the boardroom, would you just wander in unannounced and start interrupting it for me to make you a tea? No, of course you wouldn't. Just because I'm working from home doesn't make the situation any different."

You literally have nothing to apologise for OP.

BrickBiscuit · 21/02/2025 15:22

FarTooWindyOutThere · 21/02/2025 15:04

I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting

You did what??

I voted YABU for this alone. You were at work and inconvenienced someone else for this nonsense?

Tell him to grow the fuck up and lock the door so he can't get in next time.

Unfortunately you have voted for the opposite of what your opinion is (which I share). This often happens on Mumsnet.

ERthree · 21/02/2025 15:22

What a manchild. Are you seriously going to put up with such behaviour? You need to raise the bar and he needs to grow up.

DecafDodger · 21/02/2025 15:21

I don't think this man likes you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2025 15:21

I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job.

You SHOULD have a high opinion of yourself. That protects you against arseholes. The reason he wants you to have low self-esteem is it helps him. Because you'll accept shit behaviour. DON'T.

BellesAndGraces · 21/02/2025 15:21

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:12

A few answers-

Adult dc let him in. I didn’t know he was there until I asked dc who had been at the door.

Meeting was a long one with many attendees and it’s not unusual for us to take a few mins out to answer door or go to loo etc so this wasn’t an issue.

I will raise with him the disrespect of interrupting. I do know the response though- he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job. It’s not necessarily important to the world but it is to me as it pays my mortgage and funds the life of my 3ds and I- 20/16/10.

This doesn’t sound good when I write it down.

It really doesn’t sound good, OP. I mean, why be with a man who supports your career and wants to see you succeed when you can be with one who thinks you’re getting too big for your boots because you won’t immediately stop a work meeting for him? Imagine if you worked in an office building and he turned up at reception demanding to see you immediately because he felt poorly?

No man is worth that.

Yellowtulipsdancing · 21/02/2025 15:21

Ask for your keys back.

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 21/02/2025 15:20

'This doesn’t sound good when I write it down.'

Because it isn't. It's really really bad and it will get worse. He hates you OP.

Get rid of him.

hideawayforever · 21/02/2025 15:20

I can't believe it's him getting a cob on with you and not the other way round

Snorlaxo · 21/02/2025 15:19

The first answer is spot on- don’t let him in next time because you’re working. You shouldn’t have apologised either - your work is important and he should be supportive of that. He’s a massive bellend.

If he was hoping that you could make some time today eg lunch break then he should have sent a text asking about your availability. His behaviour is immature and unacceptable in an adult.

Strawberryfruitcorner · 21/02/2025 15:19

WHAT THE FUCK

You need to raise your bar OP, he’s a joke and a loser.

I despair at some of these threads I really do.

If you don’t get rid of him then you can blame yourself for allowing this bullshit.

anothermnuser123 · 21/02/2025 15:18

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:12

A few answers-

Adult dc let him in. I didn’t know he was there until I asked dc who had been at the door.

Meeting was a long one with many attendees and it’s not unusual for us to take a few mins out to answer door or go to loo etc so this wasn’t an issue.

I will raise with him the disrespect of interrupting. I do know the response though- he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job. It’s not necessarily important to the world but it is to me as it pays my mortgage and funds the life of my 3ds and I- 20/16/10.

This doesn’t sound good when I write it down.

You need to make it clear to your children that while you are at work, you do not have visitors. People shouldn't just stroll in, if you were in the office you wouldn't have people just wander in.

You also need to tell your partner that yes your job is a priority, until you find a magic money tree to pay the bills, that is your priority and he needs to accept that.

He sounds like a controlling arse honestly but if that's what you are happy with, you need to set some boundaries.

Moveoverdarlin · 21/02/2025 15:18

My 6 year old twins know not to disturb me or their Dad when we are working in our office. He needs to learn some manners or how to text. If he’d have messaged you you could have informed him you’d be off the call and free at such and such time.

Zucker · 21/02/2025 15:17

So he doesn't want you to get above your station! This man is not on your team OP, he's actively putting you in your place.

No one needs a "partner" like this.

rainbowstardrops · 21/02/2025 15:17

Well I wouldn't have made him a cup of tea!!!!
Would he storm into your office if you weren't WFH and expect your undecided attention then?

coxesorangepippin · 21/02/2025 15:16

I will raise with him the disrespect of interrupting. I do know the response though- he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job

^

Read that back to yourself

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/02/2025 15:16

Get your house key back!

WhatYouEgg · 21/02/2025 15:15

YWBU to pause your work call to make him a cup of tea.

How disrespectful of him to drop by with no notice when you are working, repeatedly disrupt your meeting and then leave in a huff. I'd be furious with him in your position and would not be calling him.

Redruby2020 · 21/02/2025 15:15

suburberphobe · 21/02/2025 15:01

“as your partner I should take priority over work”

He sounds like a big baby.

I'd be dumping him for that remark alone.

Exactly!
He's not paying OP's wages!

Treeinthesky · 21/02/2025 15:15

I've had some issues with this my bf doesn't keep quiet and talks then gets mad when I pull strong faces basically saying shut the fuck up. Anyways I've made him get his own flat and told him don't want him here when I'm working.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 21/02/2025 15:15

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:12

A few answers-

Adult dc let him in. I didn’t know he was there until I asked dc who had been at the door.

Meeting was a long one with many attendees and it’s not unusual for us to take a few mins out to answer door or go to loo etc so this wasn’t an issue.

I will raise with him the disrespect of interrupting. I do know the response though- he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job. It’s not necessarily important to the world but it is to me as it pays my mortgage and funds the life of my 3ds and I- 20/16/10.

This doesn’t sound good when I write it down.

Yeah, you should absolutely not be dating such a piece of shit.

Redruby2020 · 21/02/2025 15:15

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2025 15:00

Why would you call? Change the locks and wait to see if he gives you a heartfelt apology.

FFS boundaries.

Yes this! Start as you mean to go on. Many of us been guilty of such behaviours, but you have to change where you can.

cherish123 · 21/02/2025 15:14

In future, don't answer the door if you are working.

Lyra87 · 21/02/2025 15:14

This would honestly put me right off OP. How old is he? Does he not work so doesn't understand that during work time you have to actually work?

Redruby2020 · 21/02/2025 15:14

He should have checked first. Also the making silly noises, for me it's a no no. This is more a trigger for me personally because of historical stuff, so i don't want to bring my own reasons in to it.
But things like this in my experience the guy will just keep doing it, then probably wouldn't like it if you did the same to him during a call.