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AIBU?

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Original poster

WFH- partner came over unannounced

559 replies

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

OP posts:
wholettheturnipsburn · 21/02/2025 15:57

Is his name Ross?

Totally childish and inappropriate behaviour.

What does he do for you OP?

MrsLeonFarrell · 21/02/2025 15:57

He ignored your boundaries by coming round unannounced.
He denigrated your work by expecting your attention during the working day.
He interrupted your meeting by making noises.
He has obviously belittled your job in the past.

You are already worried about his reaction to you making a perfectly valid complaint about his behaviour.

I don't think this is the man for you OP.

SexAndCakes · 21/02/2025 15:57

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:12

A few answers-

Adult dc let him in. I didn’t know he was there until I asked dc who had been at the door.

Meeting was a long one with many attendees and it’s not unusual for us to take a few mins out to answer door or go to loo etc so this wasn’t an issue.

I will raise with him the disrespect of interrupting. I do know the response though- he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job. It’s not necessarily important to the world but it is to me as it pays my mortgage and funds the life of my 3ds and I- 20/16/10.

This doesn’t sound good when I write it down.

Your livelihood IS important. I would be livid if a partner did this to me and tbh it might signal the end. I feel very strongly about being supported in my career because it's the thing that affords me economic independence. Any partner who doesn't support that is a worry IMHO.

steppemum · 21/02/2025 15:56

I would not dream of interupting anyone in a work meeting.
Occasionally I have had to leave a note for dh when he is in a meeting and I need an answer to a question or to let him know I'm going out.

There are some serious red flags in his attitude
relationship taking priority over work. - No really not, work has strict paramenters and it pays the bills.
a reson for him to be cross with you - does he do this often? Find rididulous reasons for him to be cross with you? This is classic abusive behaviour that everything is your fault
being sarcastiv about your important job - so he is sabotaging your job? Lack of respect for what matters to you?

Honestly? Think hard about what this guy brings to the relationship because from everything you have said, it sounds as if he is hard work.

FOJN · 21/02/2025 15:55

If you bother to call him at all it should be to read him the riot act about interrupting your work. What an arse.

He wouldn't turn up at an office and behave like that so what makes him think he can do it when you WFH? Why do people seem to have a problem understanding what the W in WFH means?

Lotsofsnacks · 21/02/2025 15:55

Op please ditch you can do better

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/02/2025 15:54

Of course he should take priority over work, if it’s an emergency, not because he fancies a bloody chat! My 3yo can’t understand that I can’t talk to him when I’m working but that’s understandable. How old is your big baby?

Monster6 · 21/02/2025 15:54

Man baby.

luckylavender · 21/02/2025 15:54

Run

May09Bump · 21/02/2025 15:54

Sounds like you are / have got into another controlling relationship - I would get rid of him now. He doesn't respect you, your boundaries or your need to work. Thank goodness he's only DP and not living with you.

Devon24 · 21/02/2025 15:53

You are also not his mother op!

CautiousLurker01 · 21/02/2025 15:52

Never2many · 21/02/2025 15:50

I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work”

If my partner said something like that I would laugh in his face. Genuinely.

Plus he isn’t really a partner, is he - he’s BF, one who took delight in putting his GF’s job at risk and undermining her in front of her colleagues. In fact, he’s a w@nker.

OP you can do better. And instruct your kids not to let him in again during your work day.

User7288339 · 21/02/2025 15:52

Childish, selfish, disrespectful and potential hypochondriac! What a turn off

ScottChegg · 21/02/2025 15:52

NImumconfused · 21/02/2025 15:50

Yes, it sounds like you do I'm afraid, he's not treating you well at all. Are his health concerns serious? They're obviously not acute if he can behave like this.

Show quote history

Are they even real???

GoldenLegend · 21/02/2025 15:51

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/02/2025 15:47

This is why employers are turning against wfh….

no it’s not

don’t use someone else’s thread to grind your own axe

Never2many · 21/02/2025 15:50

I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work”

If my partner said something like that I would laugh in his face. Genuinely.

ScottChegg · 21/02/2025 15:50

At BEST he's an incredibly immature attention seeker. At worst, actively hostile and sabotaging you. Somewhere in between lies passive aggressive manipulation. None of them are good.

NImumconfused · 21/02/2025 15:50

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 15:30

I’ve not sat down and thought about lots of these things before. I’ve got a history of not setting great boundaries. An emotionally abusive ex-h made sure that I didn’t know a healthy boundary from a shitty one- thought I’d worked on this but seems I need to do more work.

Yes, it sounds like you do I'm afraid, he's not treating you well at all. Are his health concerns serious? They're obviously not acute if he can behave like this.

EggFriedRiceAndChips · 21/02/2025 15:50

I would dump him

CautiousLurker01 · 21/02/2025 15:49

Sorry, but after that behaviour he would not be my DP any more. He’d be kicked to the kerb. He jeopardised your job and that is unforgivable.

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/02/2025 15:49

GreyAreas · 21/02/2025 15:47

So glad you have spotted it. Will you feel ok about ending it?

All the OP has told us would be more than enough reason for me to bin off this controlling narcissist.

theteachesofleeches · 21/02/2025 15:48

Fucking hell that is pathetic - well enough to leave bed/home and come to yours but then arrived and starts having a mardy and demanding attention?! I wouldn't have that from my 19 yo student son let alone a man I am dating. Grim, unappealingly needy and frankly pathetic.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/02/2025 15:47

This is why employers are turning against wfh….

SlightlyJaded · 21/02/2025 15:47

"that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job."

Excuse me now? 'High and Mighty'? He is a fucking misogynistic twat. The only reason to say that to ANYONE is to 'take them down a peg or two' and stop them getting 'ideas above their station'. This is what he really thinks of you. Even if he doesn't say it out loud - he believes that you are too confident and pleased with yourself for having a job and would do well to remember your priorities (him).

I know people often say 'ditch him' / 'run for the hills' etc and it's sometimes a bit of a knee-jerk over-reaction, but I COULD NOT be with someone so arrogant and who so clearly did not see me as an equal.

GreyAreas · 21/02/2025 15:47

So glad you have spotted it. Will you feel ok about ending it?