WFH- partner came over unannounced

You can click on YANBU and it will change it.

via a slip of the thumb I accidentally voted yabu but you are absolutely not being unreasonable (YAANBU). A health emergency might justify interrupting your work but this wasn’t. If he’s well enough to come in and joke around in your workspace then it can’t have been essential to receive care from you.

His extreme intrusion and attention grabbing sounds like jealousy over you time.

He has to come first and will damage your career rather than wait til the end of the working day.

Worry about health, fine, but worry is not a crisis or emergency that entitles him t behave like that.

And beware - the fact that you even considered making him a cup of tea during your meeting shows he is making inroads .

I wouldn't be able to tolerate any of it and would give him the boot - but he may have other credentials worth fighting for IF he sorts out his behaviour.

But jealous controlling types usually don't.

What would have happened if you told him you were busy & to go away?

I think it's really odd that you stopped work to make a cup of tea for him.

He should have done that for you!

What was wrong with him yesterday & why is he so worried & why are you indulging this?

Please don't feel stupid. You are listening to your gut and didn't move in together. Now maybe the time to listen to it a bit more closely and stop letting him try to control you.

I agree with other posters, he sounds like an utter moron, with the I.Q, and mental age of a 2 year old goat. You're not living together, you don't have joint finances, and you don't have children together. Dump him. You deserve better.

He clearly thinks your job is a joke. He sounds like Ross from FRIENDS when he shits all over Rachel's career in Fashion, like it's nothing, even though she is doing a very important job (a 'Buyer' for a huge Retail outlet in New York.)

Your DP sounds like he has health anxiety too @Inchacha I couldn't be arsed with a man who's always 'ill' and has ongoing 'health problems.' I might sound like a cold hearted cow, but I don't have much patience for people who stress about their health all the time, and always have something 'wrong' with them.

He wouldn't pop along to your office, and interrupt a meeting, would he?! So therefore he should respect that you are actually working, and no he can't interrupt a meeting, for you to deal with an non-emergency. It shouldn't matter where you are working, nothing changes the fact, you are working. Unfortunately, some people do think WFH, equates to 'dossing around, doing little'. My guess, this is what your partner believes. You need to have a honest, calm conversation with him. He needs to text you and ask if it's convenient for him to pop over eg when you're having a coffee break or lunch! Not just come over unannounced, and expect you to drop everything for him. That's not reasonable on his part.

Exactly this

It is time to put an end to this relationship and get yourself some counselling with boundary setting.

I would be really annoyed. He wouldn't be the partner for me.

Ask him if he would do that if you were working in an office.n
He isn't respecting your work and by implication he isn't respecting you.

You do. But at least you know now.

What is his long term illness?

Regardless, sit down and have a fairly robust conversation with him about how it's not appropriate for him to come into a work meeting that you're in and he hasn't been invited to and make silly noises.

Doesn't he work?

OP says her adult DC let him in, so I really hope he doesn't have keys. If he does, please change the locks.

Have you turned up at his place of work expecting at chat and sympathy ?
I bet the answer is no , he shouldn't either.
A chat about boundaries is needed , and if he can't see your point of view . Dump.

@Inchacha he doesnt live with you so he isnt your partner to demand your time when he is ill! he knew you were working so why the hell did he knock at your door? does he not work? how old is he? 5????

OP - one thing that is bothering me - you left your meeting, spent 15 minutes with him and made him a cup of tea.
That is behaviour which isn't actually normal. It is behaviour which is very much accommodating someone, appeasement tactics.
if someone interrupts a work meeting that I am in, I mute the mike and say - sorry I'm in a meeting, with the full expectation that they will say Oh sorry, and creep out and put the kettle on for themselves!

Please be clearer about your needs

Some thoughts -

Does he have a job?

And what was the illness?

I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

Do you take priority over his work?

he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job.

So he doesn't care about you or respect you?

Hope you dump him pdq!

I imagine there'll be more once OP really thinks about it!

In MN parlance.... LTB
(I know he doesn't live with you so... Lose The Bastard!)

This is BONKERS! You need to get rid. I can't understand why you would tolerate this ridiculous behaviour.

He has form for doing this. He's a selfish, disrespectful drain.

And unfortunately you have got into the habit of letting him do it, enabling and encouraging him by taking time away from your work (that time's your employer's, not his), making the tea, paying him attention.

Is this learned survival behaviour from your previous relationship?

So he continues to repeat toddler attention-seeking behaviour, expecting it as his due, and offended if it isn't forthcoming. You dropping everything to fawn over him has become his new normal.

Insulting your work that supports a mortgage and several people ????

This is because you're centring something that isn't him.

And the stupid childish noises and distractions are yet more 'me, me, me, mummy' nonsense.

Have an assertive word with your adult DC not to answer the door while you're working, if they don't feel comfortable saying no to him.

But honestly OP ...

He sounds very juvenile. I would not put up with this.

Yes, that sums his views up nicely.

Dump him now. I would be raging at the behaviour that interrupted the work call.

How utterly unattractive and childish.

No, you don’t take priority over my job that pays for everything I do. If you were that sick, you would’ve stayed at home.

Do not contact him, let him contact you and give him both barrels!