WFH- partner came over unannounced

It looks wrong written down because it is.

Been with my partner 7 years, we live separately.

He would never just show up, never interrupt my work and never ever tell that he's more important than work.

Honestly im not sure why you are putting up with this bullshit behaviour

Enlarged arsehole glands, probably.

Actually - save yourself the energy, just block him.

I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

I wouldn't give him chance to get cross. I would be going straight in, fully nuclear. Properly angry.

And I wouldn't call him during the working day, either. The working day is just that.

And if he didn't take the point and apologise he would be an ex by the end of the call.

If he starts prevaricating and guilt tripping, you have all the answers to his bullshit suggested on this thread. Not that ill because he he was able to come round, not an emergency, etc. Don't let him wheedle you with his pathetic tale on any level. End the call and block him.

Yes!!

Yes and realise what an utter prick he is!

Oh OP he's done a number on you, hasn't he?

A hypochondriac who doesn't respect your boundaries and expects to be the centre of attention.
Not sexy, is it?

I’d tell him to fuck off. How dare he disrespect you and embarrass you. Lots of red flags in your subsequent posts, so it’s time to get rid.

The undiagnosed long term illness serves a purpose for some people - attracting ongoing sympathy and kindness, being excused any bad behaviour (or symptoms ratchet up conveniently if challenged). It also allows this man a handy disguise as if he is the weak party, while being a bully to others.

Why does he want you to lose your job, @Inchacha?

What alternative arrangement would he prefer?

Personally I couldn’t feel much attraction to someone who deliberately left their home to come and try to destroy my life …

Yes - this, exactly. He crosses the boundary and then tries to make you feel guilty when you push back. He sounds like an utter twat that you'd be better off without.

Please don't feel stupid because your posts actually show quite a bit of insight.

And most people probably do come with at least a little damage or obnoxiousness. It takes a lot of effort to build a relationship with someone and it can take quite a while before you get know all sides of another person. Also, with at least some of his (strange) behavior, I wondered if it might be partly due to illness-- or mood-altering meds used to treat the illness.

It's easy for people on a forum to tell you to dump someone immediately but it's not at all that quick and simple when it's your life.

I also find it weird how all of the problems with him that you mention seem to center around your work, past and present. Not that it's any excuse but now I'm curious about if he's had some kind of big wife-work (or mother-work) problem in the past or if it's just because your job allows you independence from him.

he will suggest (without saying it mind you) that I am getting a high and mighty opinion of myself and my “important” job

Oh ffs, dump this man for this alone, never mind the rest of it.

I also hate him coming over unannounced. He knows this.

It really is sound like from this, and your updates, that he is seeing your boundaries as a challenge - any small excuse to break them and he is finding a way to push right through them. Yes, I think you were right to trust your gut over not letting him move in. Sorry @Inchacha 🙁

You are sending out mixed messages. Next time make a shh signal point to the headset and ignore him.

If he jokes around/takes the piss while you are working read him the riot act.

He won't take your work seriously if you don't either.

Listen to your gut OP.
You deserve better than this.
His total disrespect of your work speaks volumes.

What a baby! Don't let him move in, or he'll be having a tantrum every time you WFH.

I would be furious and would be telling him so. How dare he walk in and interrupt your work, would he do that in an office?

He has to learn that during working hours your house is an office. He does not interrupt

I would be taking the key back

@Inchacha

The only reason I mention this is because I am feeling a bit stupid- it illustrates again why I need to end it doesn’t it. Probably also illustrates why I have refused for us to move in together (my gut was telling me something wasn’t it).

Please don't feel stupid! These behaviours happen over a period of time and they take care to see that we don't realize what they're doing. Then suddenly our eyes open and we say "What the hell?" followed by their denials and justifications.

Your gut was telling you, yes. But we (as women) are raised to 'be nice' and 'don't think ill of people'. We're also still somewht raised to think that "a relationship is 50/50 but a woman's 50% is bigger than the man's". That pearl of wisdom was imparted to me pre 1970s women's lib. Bullshit then, bullshit now. But still used to excuse the fact that women still carry a larger share of the relationship 'load'. But one bit of 1970s wisdom I hold onto is "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle".

Bin him. Plenty of fish (without bicycles) in the sea. Or not.

OP you have kept him as a boyfriend for a reason - so he is easy to dump. Get on with it.

I'd buy him a dressing gown of doom to remember you by, tell him why and dump him. Life is too short for this crap.

thank you so much! 🌹 newbie here

@Inchacha don't feel stupid. You've protected your family but not moving in together. Your gut reaction seems to be working perfectly.

Your DP sounds like an arse.

Doesn't even seem like he has a key, as the kids let him in.
Even more bewildering that he feels so empowered.