Page 11 | WFH- partner came over unannounced

wp65 · 21/02/2025 20:12

WELL DONE, OP! Good for you.

Original poster

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 20:11

And re: working from home, this normally works fine because my children are either away at uni, at college, or at school. If they are on half term like they are here at the moment, they know to be quiet. Unlike him.

OP posts:

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 21/02/2025 20:11

Sad man has now gone. Good for you

stampin · 21/02/2025 20:11

Blimey, I don't like the sound of him.....at all.

MyLimeGuide · 21/02/2025 20:11

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 20:08

Just to clear a few things up:

He didn’t ask for a cuppa, I made one for him to be nice as there would have been a snippy remark later if I had not paid him any attention
He didn’t actually say that as my partner he should take priority over my work, that’s simply what I was anticipating

I have just seen him. I decided to tell him how embarrassed I’d been about the stupid noises he made on the call/turning up unannounced and see how he reacted.

He said that he didn’t know I was on a call or even that the noises would have been audible anyway (of course he did. I’d been talking ffs!)

He was obviously cross at this point. So when I quite calmly also asked him not to turn up without letting me know he was furious. Said he thought we’d got past me being silly about that and that it was ridiculous to say that he could not just show up and what on earth was I hiding that meant he couldn’t. I said that it wasn’t being silly, he knew I didn’t like it and it was a very reasonable request.

He also threw at me the fact that he took me to the hospital a few weeks ago as my dad had been rushed in, he was “good enough to run around after your dad but not good enough to be able to just pop in when he was passing”.

He told me to get out of his house as he didn’t want to see me- so I did :) I got my boots on and left. I don’t think he really thought I would. I had to lock the car doors once I was in as he came running out of the house and tried opening the drivers side.

I actually smiled with relief when I drove away. I hadn’t realised how wrong this had all felt until this afternoon. The penny actually dropped.

I am sat on the sofa with my cat. V relieved. Thank you MNers.

Yay!!! Well done 😊

SlightlyJaded · 21/02/2025 20:10

Good for you @Inchacha

Sounds like he has finally met his match. Enjoy being rid of the mysoginistic twat.

Original poster

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 20:08

Just to clear a few things up:

He didn’t ask for a cuppa, I made one for him to be nice as there would have been a snippy remark later if I had not paid him any attention
He didn’t actually say that as my partner he should take priority over my work, that’s simply what I was anticipating

I have just seen him. I decided to tell him how embarrassed I’d been about the stupid noises he made on the call/turning up unannounced and see how he reacted.

He said that he didn’t know I was on a call or even that the noises would have been audible anyway (of course he did. I’d been talking ffs!)

He was obviously cross at this point. So when I quite calmly also asked him not to turn up without letting me know he was furious. Said he thought we’d got past me being silly about that and that it was ridiculous to say that he could not just show up and what on earth was I hiding that meant he couldn’t. I said that it wasn’t being silly, he knew I didn’t like it and it was a very reasonable request.

He also threw at me the fact that he took me to the hospital a few weeks ago as my dad had been rushed in, he was “good enough to run around after your dad but not good enough to be able to just pop in when he was passing”.

He told me to get out of his house as he didn’t want to see me- so I did :) I got my boots on and left. I don’t think he really thought I would. I had to lock the car doors once I was in as he came running out of the house and tried opening the drivers side.

I actually smiled with relief when I drove away. I hadn’t realised how wrong this had all felt until this afternoon. The penny actually dropped.

I am sat on the sofa with my cat. V relieved. Thank you MNers.

OP posts:

billybear · 21/02/2025 20:07

double lock front door, work is work unless he is having a very bad illness ie heart attack etc, another manflu moaner sounds like my x all about them

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 21/02/2025 20:07

Wtf!? Would he have come to your office and done that? Has he no shame? And no boundary understanding? Along with no respect for you?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 20:05

MyLimeGuide · 21/02/2025 18:39

I agree, family members having to tip toe around their own homes it's ridiculous!! - I'm not excusing this dudes behaviour BTW.

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I think, as with all things, there needs to be a bit of give and take.

In this situation, he’s obviously an arsehole. But, in general, wfh works if there’s some sort of separate ‘office’ space for the worker, and they and others in the home are considerate to each others’ needs.

Sometimes a separate space isn’t available and/or someone in the equation is consistently inconsiderate, and it all falls apart.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 19:58

Hwi · 21/02/2025 18:32

It is not up to you to judge if it works 'brilliantly' - it is for the recipients of the fruits of your labour, don't you see? Your clients, your colleagues, your boss, the end consumer, fgs! Of course it works brilliantly for you!😂

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Lots of businesses are currently partially or fully remote, and it works well - for staff, stakeholders, consumers and the businesses’ bottom lines. There has been research that bears this out.

What OP has related is very unusual. And, on a purely personal and anecdotal level, isn’t something I’ve come across. I don’t think it can be taken as indicative of failings in wfh in general. In any workplace context, there are sometimes (very unfortunately) members of staff with personal situations that negatively impact their ability to do their job (which is not to say that the OP is routinely doing her job poorly - we don’t have enough information for that).

diddl · 21/02/2025 19:54

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down.

I keep rereading this bit & just can't get past it.

What an absolute arsehole.

pimplebum · 21/02/2025 19:47

You should have done no more than raised an eyebrow

why on earth did you make him tea??

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/02/2025 19:46

MyLimeGuide · 21/02/2025 18:43

I'm confused so the OP was out on a cleaning job and the bf turned up at a clients home?

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Teams (or similar) video call meeting, was my understanding.

ArtTheClown · 21/02/2025 19:43

I don't know what you should do, but this post illustrates brilliantly why WFH is never working, either literally or metaphorically.

If I couldn't wfh, I couldn't work. It's great for me.
Unfortunately the issue with OP is the giant manbaby who doesn't respect her, her time or her career.

OwlInTheOak · 21/02/2025 19:38

Even our 8 year old knows not to interrupt when DH is working from home. That's ridiculous, if you'd been in a serious client meeting you could have ended up in major trouble with your employer.
Coming round in itself I wouldn't have a problem with, but he should have made himself a drink and waited downstairs occupying himself until you were free for a break. I'd have a serious talk about it and potentially consider ending things after that behaviour to be honest. It's unbelievably immature.

MyLimeGuide · 21/02/2025 19:34

PonyPatter44 · 21/02/2025 19:30

Love it when people who are too stupid to practice simple reading comprehension think they can patronise other people who are demonstrably less stupid than they are.

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You love supporting people who accuse others (strangers) of being idiots because they agreed with SOMEONE ELSES post. Well done 👏great input.

treesandsun · 21/02/2025 19:33

I would not be bothered about him coming over unannounced but I would expect him to be able to look after himself, make his own brew and occupy himself quietly until I was free. Making stupid noises, interrupting your work and huffing about not being pandered to would get him dumped.

Em1ly2023 · 21/02/2025 19:31

Inchacha · 21/02/2025 14:56

I mainly WFH. I was in a video call meeting earlier when DP arrived at my house unannounced (we don’t live together). He was unwell yesterday and I know he is really worried about his health, I made my excuses from my call for a few mins whilst I said hello to and made him a cup of tea, checked how he was feeling and apologised that I couldn’t take more time out of my meeting (sometimes when he pops over unannounced I might be able to grab 15 mins but not always). I rejoined my call.

DP then interrupted me after 20 mins or so by coming into my office, made stupid noises and laughed when I muted my call and asked him to keep it down. I was really embarrassed. He left but 20 mins later came back and said he was going and it was clear he was pretty cross that I hadn’t made more effort to fuss round him.

I understand that he is scared about his health and wanted more support than I gave him. But AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have just dropped everything? I know that when I call him in a minute he’ll say something along the lines of “as your partner I should take priority over work” or something like that and it will be the start of a reason to be cross with me.

You know the answer don’t you? What a disrespectful, bullying p*%#k!
How old are you both / how long together?
He has to go doesn’t he, how dare he embarrass you / speak to you like that?
⛳️ ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️

PonyPatter44 · 21/02/2025 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Love it when people who are too stupid to practice simple reading comprehension think they can patronise other people who are demonstrably less stupid than they are.

Loloj · 21/02/2025 19:21

What a pathetic and embarrassing excuse for a man. Surely you’re not attracted to this?

You’re allowing yourself to be walked all over by this loser who is trying to belittle and sabotage you to make himself feel empowered. This needs to stop.

From your updates it sounds like you are coming to your own realisations - let it keep sinking in.

Let him ignore you - don’t contact him unless it is to end the relationship.

I think you know what you need to do for your own sanity - you will be so much better off without him in your life.

Don’t let him come crawling back - no matter how guilty he tries to make you feel - when he starts saying “oh it’s because I’m so anxious about my health” etc. Bollocks to that - you don’t need a fourth child to take care of (I’m sure your 20 year old behaves like more of a man than him).

DBD1975 · 21/02/2025 19:20

Totally unacceptable, if you weren't working from home would he have turned up at your workplace? His behaviour is totally out of order, I wouldn't want a partner who behaved like this.

Scrambledchickens · 21/02/2025 19:16

Omg your children are all above 10 and you are adopting this man baby?? Get rid of him asap you can do much better

Halo20 · 21/02/2025 19:15

Sorry OP but he needs to respect that you are working.

I WFH everyday for about 3 years and am now hybid but my DH knows if I am in a meeting to leave me to it. If he needs sonething from the room I am in, he will text so I can quickly turn off my camera and he can get it.

Mrsbloggz · 21/02/2025 19:12

He is trying to sabotage your career because he is threatened by you being financially independent and/or outranking him in the career/earnings stakes.