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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is unfair

130 replies

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:39

DD17 goes to her dad's every other weekend. She's always shared a room with her younger step sibling.

They have recently had a change round of rooms which means DD no longer has a bed and will now be sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room. When questioning the decision, DD was told they weren't expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18.

DD now no longer wants to go every other weekend (or sleep over at all) as her Dad and step mum are early risers, and you have to walk through the living room in order to get to the kitchen. She also has other step siblings including in the house that return home late at night.

AIBU in thinking this room swap could have been put on hold until she goes to university in September, or is it ok because she's nearly an adult? Would be interested to hear other people's opinions!

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 14:28

SnoopysHoose · 21/02/2025 13:53

They've maybe worded it wrong but I'd not really be expecting a near 18 yr old to be sticking to access days like they were 5.
My DPs kids are fluid, days change every week as now they're teens they've busy lives of their own.

As OP's daughter is still at school, I would expect the arrangement to continue until she leaves school. It has been made very clear by her dad and step family that she is unwelcome so if I were OP, I'd not expect her to keep going to her dad's any more.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 21/02/2025 14:23

"When questioning the decision, DD was told they weren't expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18."

Well I hope she returns the favour when she's older, when they're elderly and expect her to be waiting on them hand and foot she can remind them that she's far too old to be visiting them.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:23

I have misread! I see the DD is 17 and the other girl 13. My mistake

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:22

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/02/2025 14:16

Where on earth have you got 5 years from?!

This is pretty shitty of them OP. He's really ruined what relationship they had doing this. At least she's got you though

Show quote history

She says she's 13

ClareBlue · 21/02/2025 14:22

I'm upset by this. God knows how upset she is. It's a horrible thing to do and say. Why are some people so nasty. It's his daughter for god sake, he should be loving and cherishing her not treating her as an inconvenience. It's hard to see positives in humans sometimes.
All you can do OP is just love her a bit more to help compensate for having a shit dad.

ButIToldYouSoooo · 21/02/2025 14:21

Poor excuse of a father, literally pushing his child out of his life.

I'm sorry for your daughter, OP

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/02/2025 14:16

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:13

So she has to sleep on a couch for five years? I would be encouraging her to stay home or visit during the day only. What a horrible thing to do to her

Where on earth have you got 5 years from?!

This is pretty shitty of them OP. He's really ruined what relationship they had doing this. At least she's got you though

StormingNorman · 21/02/2025 14:15

How to make your daughter feel unwelcome 101.

what a disgusting man.

Rosebud12345 · 21/02/2025 14:14

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 14:13

If I were dd I would stop going to his house entirely. I might also stop speaking to him.

Dad basically just told his dd he doesn’t care about her at all and isn’t bothered about having a relationship with her. not having a bed for her in his home until she is a fully launched adult, so past 18, is inexcusable.

He already does the bare minimum seeing her 4 times a month, agree it’s unforgivable

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/02/2025 14:13

So she has to sleep on a couch for five years? I would be encouraging her to stay home or visit during the day only. What a horrible thing to do to her

Ponderingwindow · 21/02/2025 14:13

If I were dd I would stop going to his house entirely. I might also stop speaking to him.

Dad basically just told his dd he doesn’t care about her at all and isn’t bothered about having a relationship with her. not having a bed for her in his home until she is a fully launched adult, so past 18, is inexcusable.

Rosebud12345 · 21/02/2025 14:11

They didn’t still expect her to visit until 18 years old?

Bet they wouldn’t kick out her siblings at 18 though aye

Digdongdoo · 21/02/2025 14:10

Poor girl. Her dad is a disgrace.

Alalalala · 21/02/2025 14:07

Bastards. Your poor DD.

Dearg · 21/02/2025 13:59

Your poor DD.

Well, that’s another reason he’s your ex.

Thats truly shitty of them .

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2025 13:57

chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:51

@TomatoSandwiches Both of the other children are step siblings, none are half. They both now have their own rooms.

That's even worse, so they're just pushing her out completely and her father has gone along with it.
Doesn't sound like he wants to make any effort to spend time with his own daughter anyway, how sad for your girl op.

soarklyknobs · 21/02/2025 13:55

They clearly don't want her to visit anymore, how heartbreaking for your DD 😢

Original poster
chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:55

@SnoopysHoose I think she's always stuck to the routine as her Dad doesn't see her any more than those 4 days a month. She sees her friends during the week or on 'my' weekends.

OP posts:
SnoopysHoose · 21/02/2025 13:53

They've maybe worded it wrong but I'd not really be expecting a near 18 yr old to be sticking to access days like they were 5.
My DPs kids are fluid, days change every week as now they're teens they've busy lives of their own.

Original poster
chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:51

@TomatoSandwiches Both of the other children are step siblings, none are half. They both now have their own rooms.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2025 13:49

I think all children should have a room and bed ( not in the living room ) whilst they continue their education, this was really unfair especially to not have a discussion about it at least, sends a really horrible message and is this what the 13yr old sibling has to look forward to aswell? What about the step siblings?

LadyLucyWells · 21/02/2025 13:47

Wow, that's horrible all round, especially the bit about not expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18. I would sleep on the sofa bed myself and let her have my room.

scanni · 21/02/2025 13:46

DD was told they weren't expecting her to still be visiting at nearly 18.

Heartbreaking that a parent could say that to their child.

Original poster
chickenlicken3 · 21/02/2025 13:46

@MuddyPawsIndoors She's 13

OP posts:
boobybum · 21/02/2025 13:45

I think waiting until she went off to uni would have been a much kinder way to do this. However, them saying that they didn’t expect her to still be visiting at 17 speaks volumes and I’m not surprised she no longer wants to visit.