To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

I’d actually go to another dentist for a second opinion. I’ve been to my local NHS dentist a few times and been told my teeth are in a bad state and surprise surprise they then recommend a various costly treatments. I’ve been going to a private dentist for a few years now who never had a judgemental thing to say about my teeth and beyond a couple of fillings and a (surprisingly gentle) root canal I’ve felt really positive about it all.

Some of it isn’t I agree, I make plaque like mad, have to really keep on top of it , hygienist every three months , I can chip it off my back teeth ,whereas my husband never has any. But suppose it’s about knowing that if you do get something wrong you did your best to avoid it.

Re electric brushes: I love my Oral B Vitality, but there are other brands and other brushes in the Oral B (Braun) range. Whichever you get, make sure it comes with replacement brush heads so that your DP and DC can use it too. The sooner your little ones get into a routine with their dental care, the better their chances of avoiding the distressing experience you had with the Scary Tooth Fairy, not to mention the painful treatment many people spend their lives trying to avoid. These things just get worse if they're left. My Dad was terrified of dentists and stayed away for decades. Then he was diagnosed with a heart condition and told by a cardiologist that good dental care was essential, because of how quickly dental infections can travel to the heart. His teeth were by that time in a terrible state, but found a dentist and sat through hours of what must have been a disagreeable experience to get on top of the worst of it.

Re dentists: if yours is good and knows her stuff, think carefully before trying to find someone else. The UK has a severe shortage of dentists in many areas and some people struggle to find a private practitioner to take them on, let alone NHS care. I've been with my current dentist since he was newly qualified and would hate to part with him. I know he's good, because he's not done anything that needs rectifying.

Most of all, remind yourself that much of what's gone wrong isn't your fault. You didn't cause the problems caused by covid and the shortages in dental care and you can't be blamed for the effects of your asthma medication and your pregnancies. You might have an overcrowded mouth with lots of overlapping teeth, making the surfaces hard to get at. That isn't your doing either. All the best with your dental treatment.

This is why I’ve been trying to hype myself up to visit the dentist.

I haven’t been able to afford it for many years and it definitely took a toll - I brush and floss religiously but my teeth have never been the strongest to begin with. The last thing I want is to be told off like a child when I go in.

If you need four fillings then get them. I've got about 16 and each of my ten front top teeth is more than 50% composite. If they need doing then just accept it. Once you're dentally fit, you can go to the hygienist regularly and keep on top of the staining etc.
If you floss or tp each tooth twice a day, brush for about five minutes including tongue, and use chlorhexidine mouthwash then you can't really do much else. Some people's enamel is weaker and they're just unlucky.
Please don't worry though. It will be so much better once they're fixed.

They can be very blunt op. My own not great the gums not best. 2 extractions last year. Im using Sensodyne and better flossing. Fingers cross its helping. Wisdom out last aug. Endless list! Had a bad run it.

if you feel your teeth aren’t actually that bad, see if you can get a second opinion. Years ago the dentist I’d had since childhood went private only so I went to a new dentist. DH and I went together and were both totally shocked. We were told we both needed extractions and several fillings and that our teeth were terrible (despite always having had regular checkups). We weren’t convinced so found another dentist and had another checkup - our teeth were FINE! Nearly 30 years later and our teeth are still fine! No extractions, no fillings! It isn’t unheard of for NHS dentists to do unnecessary work for the extra income (although I’d hope that most are honest).

My husband was told a good few years ago that he would lose his teeth if he didn’t change his habits. I got him to cut out the sugar in coffee/tea (I told him he was just swilling sugary water around his teeth all day long) and he now religiously flosses every day and brushes well. I think his technique was rubbish because he was whizzing it around his mouth too much. So he takes more care now and has just lost one molar. I think his pockets have gone down from 7-8s to 2-3s or better.

My teeth are in a bad way due to my inhaler even though I brush after taking them, but better to be able to breath than have perfect teeth

I’ve found various dentists & hygienists to be rude and unkind, one even told my child not to eat any fruit between meals, she didn’t mention sweets!

find a nice dentist they are out there.

I had one filling my whole life then during my second pregnancy I needed 4. It’s definitely a hormonal thing!

get the fillings and electric toothbrush and move forward and don’t worry about it. Like you say, other things are more important but if your teeth are now getting you down then spend some time prioritising them and you will feel better.

I go to the dentist and hygienist every 6 months, I still get told off, I am 64 and every single time I’m told “you are doing ok on this, but this needs attention”, I use both electric and normal toothbrushes, just to cover myself.

My mum was advised to use an electric toothbrush when her gums started receeding
And it worked. Her gums built back up again to where they should have been.

What toothbrush does she use?

I thought it as impossible to repair receding gums.

Have you tried interdental brushes? They’re much easier than floss and are more. effective , generally….

I think it’s wise to suggest to OP that she uses interdental brushes first , espeica
lymtp get gums back in health .

The reason pregnant and new mothers get free NHS dental care is because pregnancy and breastfeeding takes such a toll on your teeth. I think the saying used to be that women should expect to lose a tooth for each pregnancy. I think it’s one of those things that you have to just put yourself first for because prevention is far better (and cheaper) than treatment.

I couldn’t get an NHS dentist when I was pregnant with DD1. The private dentist I saw at the time was such an arrogant git when I told him I couldn’t have X-rays because I was pregnant. I was so glad when I finally managed to get on the books of a good NHS dentist.

We all have electric toothbrushes in our house. Oral B pro series are on offer at Boots at the moment (I just looked). I have asked several dentists about the correct order for brushing and flossing: wake up, brush first then breakfast (I leave at least half an hour between brushing and food) and then at night, floss then brush then bed. I don’t use mouthwash but if you do, then it needs to be at least an hour after brushing.

Do you floss? I saw this years ago and it stuck.

Just brushing and not flossing is like wiping your buttcheeks and not the crack

😳

Flossing and flossing with high fluoride toothpaste on the string help with my bleeding sensitive gums with 3 months. This was about 6 yrs ago I had the gum issue and my gum have been perfect since.

edit to say I no longer use the string but the interdental brushes

Agree with this!

I got pregnancy gingivitis on top of not being able to have any dental work I needed done when I found out I was pregnant, until after pregnancy (a couple of small fillings then turned into major major nightmare piece of work when I could be seen and have the anaesthetic etc about 10 months later).

It's definitely common that pregnancy can do a number on your teeth. The dentist really needs to develop a better bedside manner, that's her failing, not yours!

My gums have not been the same since having my children, they bled a lot both times I was pregnant. Regular brushing with an electric toothbrush and using interdental brushes made a massive difference though and they are much better now. As much as it's upsetting to be told that your teeth/gums aren't in the best state you can improve them now so try to focus on that.

Pregnancy can be really hard on teeth, that’s a known fact and why pregnant women and women who’ve had a baby within the last 12 months qualify for free NHS dental treatment - although of course that only works if you’re lucky enough to have access to one of the increasingly rare NHS dental practices!

If you’ve not been able to see a dentist in a few years then chances are that some of the problems are things that have been building up for a while.

I also couldn’t see my dentist for a few years during Covid due to them restricting appointments, and when I finally did manage to get in for a check up they told me I needed 10 fillings 🫣 They also prescribed me some high flouride toothpaste (Duraphat 5000) to help strengthen my teeth.

The important thing is that now you know about it, you can start to deal with it. Although it doesn’t sound like this particular dentist has a great bedside manner. I’m sure that she must have seen plenty of patients with teeth far worse than yours!

I second a hygienist appointment specifically to teach you how best to use your new toothbrush, what heads to use, what else you might need to do, and crucially, the one or two things you should focus on first. I've made huge improvements in my dental hygiene over a couple of years by focussing on just one new thing after each visit. You have a chance to set yourself up with some new great habits, you may as well get them right from the start.

Interdental brushes (they come in different sizes) are an absolute must - particularly for those back teeth.. Also pay attention of the edge of your gums.

I brush, first, with a normal toothbrush then finish with an electric one: before bed.

Do not brush immediately after food or drink - wait for an hour.

Around 30 years ago this happened to me. A tiny Indian dentists put the fear of god into me about my oral hygiene after birth of 2nd child (I was on free nhs care post partum at time)

she was also fairly brutal with the scraping of plaque form my teeth as well- and with both kids there I was gripping the seat arms for dear life and trying not to cry.

she told me I needed to get electric tooth brush and 2 sizes of interdental brushes. Otherwise I would loose my teeth

i lived in area low on nhs dentists even back then so had to keep returning to her with kids.

but 1 year and 2 check ups later I went to my next appointment and she examined mouth. Sat down in front of me. Told me well done, and I’d made a massive transformation and she was proud of me 😳. She said too often people ignored her and she did go in strong and hard (or put it another way brutal and terrifying) on people whilst there was time to correct the issues, and that she used the firm Indian mother approach - whatever that meant! . She was as nice as pie to me after that. I kept with her until I moved away some 9 years later. Kids loved her, she was great with them.

despite her hard line and agressive approach to start, now I know she did me a massive favour. That fear of god of loosing teeth to gum disease means I have not had any dental treatment in 30 years since, other than a quick clean on front bottom teeth, which since menopause seem to gain more plaque I can’t quite keep on top of any more. I’m in and out chair in a few minutes. The little Plaque cleaning needed at dentist these days is a breeze with the water jet method with no pain or gripping of seat arms!

whilst people are right that you could go to another dentist, maybe try one more time, given difficulty of getting dentists, once you’ve done 6 months of electric toothbrush and interdental brushes. Do take up a hygiene appointment to learn how to do all the cleaning properly. Make sure you change toothbrush head very regularly. You may then find dentist is better, but please please don’t let it put you off going to any dentist. Honestly chances are your teeth cleaning methods need some serious hygiene changes and you need to keep going to a dentist till you’ve got on top of that and you’re in maintenance phase

Dental hygiene is so important. Not just for your teeth. There is strong evidence that dental hygiene issues can be a contributory factor for heart issues and increase risk of strokes. There was some other links recently, but dont know if these have been verified around link to dementia- however they don’t know if it is cause or effect. Same with diabetes. The failure of nhs dentistry for this generation of kids and young people is a time bomb and imho a massive oversight by government as in terms of public health . 🤷🏼‍♀️

whilst you’ve had a shock, and you’re rightly upset, in time I’m sure you’ll benefit from that appointment for the rest of your life- for better or worse you’ll not forget it

To be fair, eastern Europeans can be very direct and abrupt. It isn't at all unusual to have some.erosion as you get older, especially if you have DC. It's also worth checking for underlying causes, as problems like coeliac disease often go undiagnosed and can lead to weak teeth and bones.

In my experience, some dentists go out of their way to make you feel shit. I’ve had some dental issues in my life and some dentists have been helpful and encouraging while others were not. My recommendation is to shop around for a different dentist.

Honestly don't feel embarrassed.

You are there to receive a service and they should not be rude.
They are your teeth and what you do to them is up to you.
Sometimes I think dentists forget that we are the paying customers.

Please don't beat yourself up

This.

My last appt I had the dentist reminding me how to clean my teeth. I was mortified. Then realised I'd slipped into bad habits. Treat it as a reset.

P.S I know what you mean about teeth feeling weaker.

Definitely rinse after inhalers.