To think my kids grandparents are terrible

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

YABVVVU for making the huge leap from "I'm disappointed neither my parents nor dh's support us" to this ridiculous statement.

As has be said already, every generation has had some parents who don't have anything to do with their grandchildren, some who raise their grandchildren themselves, and the overwhelming majority somewhere in between.

This ludicrous "today's generation of grandparents" statement is just laughable.

Exactly. Personally I think if anything it’s the other way. I don’t recall grandparents when I was growing up having the same level of expectation on them and I see far more doing childcare now. As for emotional blackmail some posters are advocating, that also wouldn’t work with me as I do not wish or ever expect to be a burden on my children and want them to concentrate primarily on their lives and happiness. My children though have been brought up to be grateful for help offered and not to automatically expect free handouts. We have always been there to help out in emergencies but we can’t provide full childcare and they understand this.

I'm assuming you're talking inner/posher areas of London most 3 beds in my area of London are about £500K so rest of the country less you also assume shit didn't happen ruining pensions in previous financial disasters or wars like the Falklands.

And it was her parents' choice to have more kids when OP was a teenager, so why did they make her look after them?

Her parents sound shit and I wouldn't want them near my children but they have a fucking cheek considering the amount of childcare OP did for them.

I did the same just took stuff to amuse the toddlers and walked around while waiting.

But by choosing to go on to Gransnet it suggests that "gran" makes up at least part of the identity that they recognise as themselves.

I'm not saying that it's not interesting over there, just pointing out that if someone isn't interested in their grandchildren they are less likely to seek out a forum for grandparents. Therefore the sample will be skewed towards grandparents who are or want to be involved.

i know its not the norm and i dont expect everyone to do what i did. i was just trying to make the point that the grandkids do remember who was there for them and who wasnt.

Most elderly people do not get family looking after them, including those who helped out lots with grandchildren.
People who are transactional about relationships tend to not be that giving.

Actually I think you will find that this generation of grandparents are more likely to be working because retirement doesn’t kick in until 67 ..so less free time ! Despite working ,many people including myself help out with grandchildren. That is how it is for the majority of people ( you know in the real world!)
You only have to look around to note how many older people are out and about with grandchildren over half term .

Boomer here, never been on a cruise because a) I can't afford it and b) I'd rather stick pins in my eyes and I feel the same about spa days. I have been struggling to afford to heat my home during this curent cold snap and my treat is to have lunch out once a month. I also help my neighbour out with school pick ups because she is a single parent as I was and I remember how tough it could be. But hey, like everyone in my generation I am loaded, lazy and selfish. If you made such sweeping generalisations about any other demographic you would rightly be called out

I dont have kids but i believe these selfish grandparents will reap what they sow.

My Irish nana always looked after me and was just a amazing woman all round. So in turn when she started to get very unwell at the end of 2022 i dropped everything to look after her until she died last year. It was a pleasure.

my other nana was a cold nasty witch so i didn't mind the thought of her rotting away in a care home.

1 in 10 has assets over a million. That includes pension pots. Anyone reasonably middle class will have this on retirement. House worth £600,000 and £400,000 pension pot. Given the salaries regularly posted on MN, most of MN will have far more than this when they retire.

How can someone go in 10 cruises a year? Unless you mean those 3/4 day ones around the British isles?

Not my expeirence at all, but it sounds like your mother placed an unreasonable amount of responsibility on you as a teenager and I don't think that's particularly typical either, although certainly not unheard of.

10 cruises a year!!!? so practically one every month...really?

Ha ha!

That reminds me of the posts from quite a few Mumsnetters complaining of how boring it is being at home with toddlers and being expected to play with them!

Of course they're going to be thrilled when expected to do it all again for their grandkids!

Just out of interest why couldn't you take them to swimming lessons? We had four and I just used to have to keep the little ones on the side while the older ones when in for their lessons.

I have boomer neighbours ( early 80s) who are fab g parents and surrogate g parents, but their kids live opposite ends of the country.

My mum was great. My grandmothers were great- and totally opposite. One was very much: off you go wandering down the garden, come back if you break an arm; let us stay up late etc. The other had a ready supply of biscuits but v strict rules. Many happy hours spent with both.

My dad is a shit grandparent. I will more than likely be a shit grandparent. I have no interest in small children or in caring. I'm bloody good at my job and on being a teen/ young adult parent, but have no desire to do it all again.

Some people aren't cut out to be parents and then as time goes by they don't make good grandparents either. Of course it is disappointing but please don't add this to the ever-lengthening list of Booner failings. I am not a grandparent but I quite a few of my friends are and they are all involved in their grandchildren's lives offering love, care and support. I help my neighbour out with school pick ups, baby sitting, and teas for her child if she has to work late (she is a single mum) and it brings me joy. We are not all heartless horrors.

She seems happy to say who's more involved in their lives in a very gloaty way. Presumably then she makes no effort to visit any grandparents it's all about free childcare if what you say is right.

If parents are not in their adult children's lives, and in your husbands case not even in his life when he was a teenager, then they are unlikely to be in their grandchildren's lives.
You say your husbands mother has her own issues. Some people are struggling just to get up dressed and feed themselves every day, they do not have any capacity to interact with grandchildren.
And if your parents needed you as a teenager to do so much childcare, it sounds like either they can't cope with life, or they are pretty neglectful.

Your husband needs to be around more to support you though. That is his job.

Gransnet is a continuum of involvement, whether by choice or not! It's v interesting

Sweeping statements OP are irrelevant ie
I feel like todays generation of grandparents are self centred and hands off.🤣

Just because yours are doesn’t mean they all are so
YABVU !

A lot of noise going on upstairs then silence............ girls playing in one room, boys looking at boy stuff in the other room and they're all still alive!
Technically I don't need to have either set of grandchildren, dad is at home for one lot, mum is a teacher so she's at home for the other lot, but they don't see much of each other in term time. Mum goes into school to catch up on stuff, dad might be playing golf, i don't care what they do. The children are incredibly noisy (12g,11b,11b,5g) but they love seeing each other. I was even mad enough to have the eldest 3 for a sleepover- twice!

Many of us started work at 16 and are wondering if we will be able to afford to retire at 67. We had 12 weeks maternity leave and paid for our kids childcare until the term after turning 5. I don't know anyone who got family childcare. The idea we all had our mother's and in-laws leaping in to help is so not true I'm sure many think we lived in the 40s where people lived next door to families and scrubbed the steps with a fag in our mouths.