To think my kids grandparents are terrible

I am not complaining - of course not.
Just giving an example of someone who had loads of help and was surprised that it was an issue. It was the first example of this
I know exactly what you mean because I have no family help at all.

Well sorry but that is what happens when you have more than one child of course! We had no family help (and 4 kids) but it was for major things like middle of the night illness when DH was working nights or when we all got norovirus and no one to hold the baby that it was tough. Not baby swim classes that really is there any sort of thing you get to do with your first child unless you can afford childcare.

Thank you @Genegeniehunt - it is hard being part of the 'sandwich' generation.

My DSis, who I mentioned has just had to say she can't do the one day a week care she used to do for her GC as she has to get an extra days work just to survive, literally went from my DM dying to looking after her new GC (5 months break).

And in a lot of cases there's an expectation of looking after mum and/or dad AND giving a day a week or a Saturday evening looking after the grandchildren.

I was brought up in the 70s. My only living Nan didn't help but she was a good Nan. We loved going to see her - she'd always have home made cakes in stock even if she wasn't expecting you.

My parents (and my aunts and uncles) didn't have an expectation of help but each of them took turns to have Nan at Christmas, we all piled over to hers for her birthday or our birthdays and share the present opening with her, organised a big bash for her 80th. Because she was the head of our family and it went without saying that we looked after her no matter what.

Even now we still speak about our Nan with a lot of love (and quite a few giggles as she was very outspoken), but none of us were baby sat by her. As we grew up we'd often pop round to see her only to find a cousin or auntie/uncle had also 'just popped in' so there were no grudges that I can remember and I don't ever recall my parents moaning about the lack of help.

Maybe we were odd as a family or it was just a different time but I never remember a 'tit for tat' thing going on. I suppose, though, Nan was always happy to have a visit, always ready with things to talk about and a cuddle so maybe the lack of picking up from school, babysitting or having us for a weekend just wasn't that important.

Stopped calling when it became clear they weren't interested and it was just one way. We would travel to visit them but they made no effort to travel to us but would take trips abroad with their friends, not that I begrudge that but not sure why you wouldn't want to visit your GCs, even just once a year.

But if it's a lesson you're not in the pool you're watching or waiting outside why would the Los be unaccompanied.

Try under the floor boards.

Yes, I did do that when my children were older. But neither a six month old baby not a two year old toddler can be left unaccompanied in a swimming pool and therefore lessons had to stop until they were older.
My friend was just amazed that I couldn't magic up childcare to continue lessons.

Do you call or wait for them?

A bit like saying most parents today are all selfish see themselves hard done by and prioritise me time and their looks over childcare.
Utter crap in either description.

This. Parents need to bring up the kids they chose to have, and not assume older relatives are free childcare. 🙄🙄🙄

Ive got a great relationship with my 5 grandkids, now adult - but I didn’t give up work or run my life around them. 🤷‍♀️

Yep. We're all exactly the same. Every single one of us. Just like every single millennial moans about not being able to afford a house, while eating their avocado toast. No variation or exception whatsoever.

Rules like what?

Don't kiss the baby so they don't die from RSV or have coldsores their whole lives? Don't smoke before holding the baby so they don't get ill? Wash your hands first?

It is not Boomers I see being self centred as a group. I mean of course some are, like every generation.
But I gave so much to help my community and families. So much voluntary work and helping family and I now think why? No one younger seems to care about older people. They just want us to hobble off our sofas and help them yet more.

This. The boomer generation is mostly self centred and very indulgent. Any help usually given on their terms and conditional. Awful example for the young today.

Some people do have so much help though, don't they? My own mum has passed away but I feel so horribly sad when no one else really replies to pictures of my children (sent directly as txts) or asks questions about their lives. In laws didn't want to come to my son's Christmas show (we would have driven them and it was one hour). Fair enough but they didn't even ask how he got on and he was Joseph!

It's also had to keep pushing on when even having another adult to be there to sit with one kid sometimes would make the world of difference.

I sympathise so much. And I also find it hard to tolerate them and their whinging.

This thread made me think about other relatives, my nieces have two aunties, me and one on their dad's side. She has nothing to do with them, isn't interested, never has been whereas I have done my best to be a loving and involved and relative.

Hardly ever a phone call here from GPs asking how their GC are. No falling outs, no reason not to be a part of their lives. Just not interested.

I have been pondering where my millions are, house is worth about £140k in a grim and crime ridden inner city and I manage on my state pension and a small NHS pension. Must check the cupboards and under the bed in case I have stashed my boomer wealth there

Well, while we're bashing - why did you quote the whole OP?
It's not necessary to do so.

Grandparent here, and I feel hugely lucky that we managed to move to be near our grandchildren. Did two days a week childcare for the first one (we were younger then) and have an amazing relationship with him. Now do odd hours looking after the baby, which is lovely, but I'm too old to care for him safely for a long day like I did the older one. I've seen them lots this half-term - a sleepover at ours, the cinema, play-park and chilling at home. They're a total joy and I feel so lucky to be part of their lives.

Sadly my parents were both the youngest children of very big families so I only knew my grandma on mum's side as she was the only one alive - she was lovely and gave me lots of very good advice, bless her. We visited her for lunch once a week at her house as my mum used to have to go round next door to collect the weekly rent from grandma's tenants! Mum and her were very close and Mum looked after her for several months when she was terminally ill. Everyone's circumstances are different when it comes down to grand-parenting and some people are loving and giving and some are just selfish.

I definitely think it's a personality thing rather than a generational thing.

One of my grandfathers refused to learn the names of his grandchildren. He spent his time in the living room and it was a kid free space. My nan was in the kitchen diner and that's where we stayed when we visited weekly. I was 20 when he died never knew my name! My nan wasn't much better. Unsurprisingly they weren't the most affectionate parents either.

My mum's parents were my safe house. They were my everything. They did a lot of child care when we were kids and I knew I could always call them if I needed help.

Until 6 months ago we had no regular support from grandparents, my daughter is 4.5. My in-laws are great help but 5h away so they can only do planned help not weekly or spur of the moment. My mum was a carer to my beloved grandparents and then found herself in need of care. I agree it has made a huge difference to our lives. It's not the regular stuff because that can be planned around with nursery and after-school/breakfast club. It's curve balls, I sprained my ankle last year and couldn't walk or drive for a couple of days. The worst day was my non working day and I couldn't cope with having my daughter at home. I called my parents at 8 am. They came picked us up, took us to their house for the day where they looked after both of us before dropping us off back at home when my partner got home from work.
My mum's parents would have done this....my dad's parents unlikely.

im sorry x
both of my nans had physical problems rather than the mind problems like Alzheimer’s, i cant even imagine how hard that would be to live with.

Not every person who goes into a care home is 'rotting away'. It was certainly the better option for my DM who had vascular dementia and Alzheimer's for over 6 years before she died. Her care home gave her a new lease of life, we knew she was safe having almost walked into a busy road at 4am, had endless falls, ate dinner at 9am because she got her times muddled.

I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded but some of us have had to make very hard decisions to keep our parents safe and 'rotting away' doesn't make it easier.

My middle child was two and I would have to be in the water with my baby. I couldn't leave the two year old on the side, it wouldn't have been allowed.