To think my kids grandparents are terrible

People on this thread think that interacting with or even acknowledging grandchildren is insanity

What? Where? I don't recall seeing a single post that said that.

Presumably the same research and statistics that I shared earlier in the thread.

I don't know anyone of my generation who had (or needed, thank goodness) help from their parents with a house deposit. Or to fund university. Or to contribute to nursery costs. All of my friends have done at least one of those for their children, and some all three.

Life is really tough for our kids, compared to us. I'm never going to argue that one. But many of us who have managed to save, are doing the best we can to mitigate the financial problems our kids face.

Have they??
What makes you think that?

It's not even about babysitting, it's the wishing that they'd want to spend time with them. Ringing them up, buying them sweeties, visiting etc.

I don't think it's an entire generation as I know lots of lovely caring grandparents of all generations, but my dad and my DH's mum have never really bothered with our kids that much and it was very frustrating. I didn't get any support when the kids were young and I desperately needed it.

It was and is very sad. Mine are grown now but my Dad lives in the same town as us and had the opportunity to really be involved with the kids but chose not to. It's odd because it's obvious he loves them and is interested in hearing (through me) all their news. He said recently that he hadn't seen my eldest (at uni now) for a long time. And I thought but didn't say 'yes well that's your own fault for not nurturing your own relationship with him you silly man'.

People who complain that a whole generation is selfish also need to bear in mind that the Boomer generation has also supported their children financially more than any other generation.
I am sorry that some people have parents that are unsupportive but that is definitely not the majority.

Also and last comment but there’s been pp talk about “resentment “ and that’s no “way to live “. But actually it misses the point , it’s actually in a lot of peoples comments here , it’s acceptance that they can’t do anything about the relationship and walking away and living your own life with your lovely children , so the opposite of resentment.

@Redpeach oh definitely, long may my mil etc be independent as we aren’t/won’t be in a position to help.

I have to say, it's pretty infuriating for you, when you were so super helpful during your teenage years. It's very short-sighted of them to forget about that.
Well, who's going to look after them in old age?!
YANBU OP, but I would consider counselling so that you don't end up holding on to resentment.

The fact that older people are living longer, independent lives, is also a benefit to society

@jannier no it’s an natural consequence, the pp described how she’s working two jobs and keeping everything going . Did you not read that part , she has very limited free time anyway .
She only asked about her daughter getting picked up for an hour or two. Of course there should be no obligation for the grandparent to help but then there’s no obligation for the mother/grandkids to either. It’s not a great way for society to go but it’s what can happen obviously.

Meant to quote @Grapewrath above 👆 💯 agree

This is absolutely exactly what happens. My mil was and is/was very difficult and completely unhelpful in any way . Wanted to be served and waited on when she visited even straight after me having a baby. So many other issues I won’t go into. My dcs have actually seen in for themselves, there was plenty of other issues. Bottom-line though she’s now starting to have health issues and struggling physically and would like my teenagers to take an interest do stuff for her and honestly we barely see her. She caused nothing but trouble when they were little , in a time when we needed a bit of support and empathy (not talking about childcare)
Reality is we are now very busy keep jobs going and managing 3 dcs in the grips of a cost of living crisis. We are just out of the early years and beginning to really enjoy our free time and lives. Reality the dcs don’t want to see her or travel to her , zero interest. It’s up to her to sort out what happens in the future with her care , same as us.

So again you only want gran for free childcare and help and can't be bothered otherwise. Isn't that just using people no wonder she doesn't bother.

In that case, good on them. I never had or needed grandparent care, except in a couple of emergency situations, so never expected it.

You could go by actual research which shows that today's grandparents spend substantially more time looking after grandchildren than previous generations.
Of course that's on average so it doesn't mean that they all do.
Your parents sound like crap parents so it doesn't seem surprising that they are also crap grandparents.

But research shows they are in fact helping out more than previous generations even with work.

My parents barely parented us so unsurprisingly they’ve been shit as grandparents. My DP mum barely used to bother either but it’s come full circle now she’s elderly and would love the time and company of my young adult DC.. they just feel awkward with her so barely see her. I’m not going to make or even encourage them to. It’s not about tit for tat but it’s a natural consequence..You reap what you sow.

I think this generation of grandparents are a little different. They are more likely to be working longer years, and longer hours in those years. This does make them less available to help out.

Yes same here…it’s so difficult to understand and really hurts

My parents are boomers. Brilliant grandparents. Always available for everything I need. I don’t really ask for much but I know if I need them they are there. Many of my friends have the same luck.

So no, not generational thing. Individual.

I think its such a shame that some GPs miss the relationships with their GC. My mum is reluctant, will look after them maybe once in 6 months but after lots of umming and ahhig and making me feel like I'm putting her out. She doesn't work and is fit, well and drives. I've stopped asking for help, now she comments that she hardly ever sees us, but that's because I work 2 jobs in 1 full time job and don't have much spare time. She even refused to pick up DD on her birthday from school as didn't want to sit in traffic for 10 mins. So instead she wrnt to after school club and mum visited her after 5pm when she was tired and eating tea.

But we don't really have other family either that help as DH family live abroad or a few hours away and dont drive and show no interest in visiting. So I think in comparison to them she isn't as bad!

I've stopped making any effort with the kids seeing them now and my sister is the same, if they want to see them, they can make some effort.

So he has such an important job that means he can’t help the mother of his children 🤦‍♀️

You get notice with wisdom teeth he could reschedule