To think my kids grandparents are terrible

No that isn't me I'm a parent and gp and I do childcare for my grandkids my son also is happy to take time off work to look after his own kids. Please explain why it's unreasonable to wonder why the father is excused a role in caring for his children in a pre planned situation. Are you being Sexist assuming a father can't do it?

Same with mine.
They made it clear they were not interested when they were small, but now expect the adult kids to want to visit them!

Both DH and I spent an awful lot of time with our respective grandparents. Some of which was for babysitting and some was because they wanted to spend time with us.

Our DC have very limited relationships with our parents / their GP because both sides are just not interested. I don't expect them to provide free childcare, they are too old to need it now anyway. However it might have been nice if they had shown any interest in them at all other than us visiting them despite all living in the same town and all parents being fit, healthy and retired. The only thing that really bothers me is MIL hate sthe fact one of my DC won't have much to do with her but doesn't understand it's because she spent years ignoring DC and a bond was never built.

May I enquire if you are a parent or GP?
I have been trying to find out if you were the poster who said you had no children but your husband has a GC who you don't look after at anytime? If you are that poster, that goes somewhere in explaining your opinions.

A lucky position I'm jealous, I work all week with under 3s then grandparent on a weekend when I can. It's exhausting

But the op isn't attacking the children's father but happy to attack the GPs how is that fair? Obviously if the GPs are terrible the father must be worse as he's the parent as well as the partner and priorities work over either.

I’m self employed so can arrange my work around my gc.

We are talking about GPs and their offering support. That is separate to parenting

That's very harsh, it's an important lesson to teach our children that family support is not guaranteed.

Only give your time to help when it's mutual otherwise it causes pain.

This isn't my experience. My father is one of 10 children and my mother is one of 12. Only my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather were alive when I was born and neither of them were involved in any childcare. My grandad lived with my uncle and aunt and needed care himself and my grandmother was independent right until she passed away but while we loved visiting she would not have been involved in childcare at all.
My parents have always helped out with childcare when possible, my oldest is 19 years old and the youngest nephew is 20 months and they are still very involved. My mother retired in the last few years but dad is still working. They can and want to do anything from a school collection to overnights/ multiple days. They aren't an oddity in my experience as mine and my siblings inlaws have been and are similarly involved when their work/ social life and health allows.

It feels like this anger is about your own unresolved issues surrounding your own interrupted childhood, which are entirely valid. But there is no golden rule about what grandparents should or shouldn't do. If I ever get to be one, I know I will want to be as involved as I am allowed to be, but I wouldn't want anything to be expected of me. Three of my grandparents were dead by the time I was six and the remaining grandparent was elderly and lived quite far away so I had no real connection with any of mine... I don't think you can blame whole generations for your personal situation

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

Wow! What a sweeping generalisation!!

I am certainly not a hands-off grandparent. We (DP and I) do the afternoon school run 4 days a week and during school holidays I look after my Granddaughters 4 days a week. The girls Nanny on their Dads side does the other one school pick up and full days child care.

I am willing to do this because my DD and DSIL are in no way demanding, are very grateful and appreciative. My DSIL constantly checks its OK, says he doesn't want to take advantage.

Obviously I also love spending time with my beloved GDDs. We do lots of crafting and have a lot of fun together.

Don't you have a job? Most 56 year olds work full time

Why is it unreasonable to expect the father to parent?

I don’t believe it’s a generational thing. It’s individual. I was lucky enough to have lots of help from both my parents and pil when my boys were young and they enjoyed spending time with each other. The boys have had a wonderful relationship with them.
I’m 56 now and have one dgc with another on the way. I’ve looked after my gc 2 days a week for the last three years and also babysit weekends whenever needed and will do the same for the next one because I genuinely love to spend time with them. I have friends who don’t do the same because they simply don’t want to which is obviously their choice but I feel it can cause resentment in family dynamics.

It's hard to feel that your parents are not supporting you your family life, but these generalisations are very unhelpful. I am probably around your parent's generation and literally all of my friends who are grandparents uncomplainingly put themselves out for their grandchildren, several of them driving over a hundred miles and staying in hotels each week, to look after them for a couple of days; also paying for activities and helping with other costs. I really don't think it is a generational thing.

Yes, it's yet another way divorced parents impacts you further on

I agree

Wow

You are an amazing lady 💖

And I don't get you!

This is very true.

My parents were fantastic grandparents. OH’s parents died young. We have four grandsons, aged 3-7, and we see them whenever we can and help out in school/nursery school holidays and after school. One set lives 175 miles away. We have them overnight or even for whole weeks. Both sets of parents go away, not often, and are happy for us to have them. We look forward to these occasions. Most of my friends look after grandchildren and many save their adult children thousands of pounds a year in child care fees. This is done willing, not wanting halos or thanks. We do get thanks. Our daughters are wonderful.
It is annoying that people make these generalisations. We are also Boomers but that’s another age bashing thread. We love our children and our grandchildren. We too worked hard and have lives, hopes and desires.

I think it’s a changing of the times. I know when I was little my GP’s helped out a lot but they were all retired and at a much younger age. All my GGP’s had passed on so they had no caring responsibilities either. When my sisters DC’s were little my DP’s were both still working full time so it was me that gave childcare during school holidays as I have always worked term time. When my DD13 was little my DP’s still worked albeit it four days a week for my DM but as well as working their also had caring responsibilities for their parents. Now both DP’s are in their retirement and GGP’s have all passed. They help were they can but their lives are much different to my GP’s when I was little and this has effected the level of support they can give.

There is a massive entitlement issue on Mumsnet, they do not seem to be able to accept that actually grandparents were never free childcare for the majority, it was a fortnightly visit and if you were lucky the odd baby sitting time for the majority.