To think my kids grandparents are terrible

Sorry but that’s your mum not this generation of grandparents..what a ridiculous stereotype. I am 70s and do plenty of childcare and adore my grandchildren. It is tiring but I feel blessed to be able to share life with them. Sorry you don’t have such a supportive mum.

Well put

This with bells on.

I had NO help with my kids even though all 4 grandparents were retired, and it never crossed my mind to expect it.

One problem is that people in their 50s/early 60s are still working, supporting young adults, caring for elderly ill parents and then expected to look after grandchildren.

There's just not enough time or energy, and as the grandchildren have parents, it's safe to prioritise their elderly parents who have no one.

Whilst trying to have a bit of a life themselves.

It's Transactional Trump!
Parents bring children up, not the grandchildren.

My DH says "if they couldn't be arsed to parent their own children, they're unlikely to be arsed in seeing their grandchildren" and he's right.
Growing up we both spent more time with grandparents than our parents, and our children have no active grandparents in their lives.

I don't know...I look at a lot of parents today who ban everyone, including grandparents, from seeing the baby for days, even weeks, and then have so many 'rules' in place afterwards. I can totally see why some may be 'hands off'. Tough gig being a grandparent these days 🤷‍♀️

And the moan of the week goes to...
And the gross generalisation of the week goes to...
Sadly, your choice to have kids, and there should be no expectations of help, favour or hindrance, to accompany such decisions

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

And I feel like todays generation of parents are entitled and self-centred.

Or perhaps OP, you should limit your comments to your parents and not comment on an entire generation?

I think OP just would have liked them to help out whilst she had a dental treatment that is pretty brutal.
It’s not asking a lot is it?

by I am 56 and didn't have a close grandparent relationship with either sets of my grandparents - we went to visit them occasionally with my parents and that was it. They never, and were never expected by my parents to babysit us.

It is not a generational thing, it is individual to families, bonds and relationships and peoples free choice of how much they want to get involved.

What I do believe is a generational thing is many more parents having expectations of grandparents, or any other family member, beyond what they are willing to give, and that is always unreasonable.

But yes, your grandparents specifically, sound pretty terrible.

My personal experience, this is an individual thing and not a generational thing. Although I sympathise the situation sounds horrible.

My mum is way more hands on with DD than my gran was with me. I would say that seems the case with most of my mum friends. PILs always keen to see out kids.

(Understandable really as gran had way more kids = way more grand kids and the other GPs died early so it wouldn't have been feasible.)

Are you after loving grandparent relationships, or free childcare?

I want my child to have a 'fun' relationship with her grandparents, not one that involves them being hard-core involved with behaviour management and so on. I want her to be spoiled by them and enjoyed by them. If they are just doing regular free childcare, it turns into something else. In my opinion.

You are being unreasonable to blame an entire generation of grandparents - grandparents now do an awful lot of childcare. Over the past two generations there has been a massive rise in the amount of childcare grandparents do.

I'm a grandparent but I don't feel like I'm being 'bashed' as I don't behave like OP's parents. Her mum definitely has a cheek as she used OP as regular childcare for her much younger siblings but has no interest in helping out with or even just having a loving relationship with her grandchildren.

TBH, her mum sounds like she wasn't great as a mother so it's probably unrealistic to expect her to be a good grandmother.

Yes, my parents got so much help from their parents. I spent a lot of time with both grandparents.

My parents are good with words but not actions. They are useless with their grandchildren beyond platitudes.

Did you sit down and have the conversation before you had babies? Did you ask your parents how much they would be involved and what your and theirs expectations where? Especially as you had contributed to your siblings upbringing?

mine neither - as young adults I have apologised to them for their awful grandparents

As its half term this week, when we’ve been out and about, I’ve seen plenty of grandparents with their grandchildren, just going for a walk maybe, in the garden centre, in town.

If you’re a grandparent in 40s/50s, you’re probably still working. I was and couldn’t do daytime child care, but babysat and did weekends, then school runs etc when I went part time.

Some people offer, some don’t. Some love it, some don’t. Not everyone will be fit enough to look after small children when they’re older.

My mum was crap beyond baby days. I did a lot of childcare for dgc and absolutely loved it. I’m not needed much now and obviously see less of dgc as they’re tween and teens but still have a loving relationship with them.
I genuinely think children are a joy - mostly. There are challenges but I think less for grandparents.

My children wouldn't recognise your description of 'today's generation of grandparents are so self-centred and hands-off' in any way whatsoever. What's with the sweeping generalisation of a whole group of people based on your own limited personal experience?
I rearranged my working week when my first grandchild was born so that I could look after her one day a week while my daughter worked. That meant working at home over the weekend to make up the time. When my second grandchild arrived I took early retirement to help care for them. I now have a 3rd grandchild who we also look after one day a week.
All my friends with grandchildren do the same thing with one exception, but that's due to a breakdown in the relationship with the child and comes from their side not my friend's choice.
When I collect my grandchildren from school I see literally dozens of grandparents there doing childcare. FGS - stop with the ridiculous ageism

I loved being at my nans when I was a kid. My kids have no real relationship at all with any of their grandparents.