To think my kids grandparents are terrible

@Manthide That's true, likewise if there was a situation where we needed them I'm sure they would have stepped in.

My older cousins in their mid 50's have fond memories of DGM. She probably had enough after the 10th grandchild from her own 9 children.

I might have been the 25th GC born.

I'm sure you mean envious not bitter it's not their fault. All 4 of my kids GPs were dead before the youngest 2 Nd birthday I always felt sad for my kids not having them in their lives not about childcare.

@EmeraldShamrock000 I think it depended on how close the gc lived. My df's parents died when he was a child but my maternal gm looked after my cousins a lot in the 70s and 80s (born between 1968 and 1982). She even helped with one of her ggc. They all lived in her area whereas we lived further out so though we saw her weekly she didn't really do childcare for us.
Nowadays most gps are still working and added to the fact dc often move out of the area a lot can't offer that sort of childcare. It doesn't mean we don't love our gc.

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

I think it is the complete opposite.
Grandparents support from todays generation is much more involved and are expected to be.

My Grandparents never looked after any of the gran children, nor did their parents before them.

I don't recall friends being looked after by Grandparents in the 80's.

Visiting, yes, childcare, No.

I see women in their 70's pushing buggies all the time.

My own mother looked after all of her Gran-children at times.

If anything, they are under so much pressure to look after the children while obeying the new parenting rules, being treated like on idiot on occasion.

Obviously some feel it is not their job, they raised the children, now its their turn to relax. They're not wrong.

@Branwells77 my dad is 83 and he still goes on long walks with my younger 2dc and dd17, who is super fit, complains that gf walks too fast! They all call him super grandad. He is also father christmas at the local town christmas fayre every year and loves it. Dm is having some health issues atm so not as hands on but she still does well. She prefers it when gc get older though.

My mum wasn’t the greatest mum to me which I won’t go in to but she has been a fantastic grandmother to my children and my siblings children she is getting older now and is starting to struggle with looking after little ones but she does it and loves it she’s even got a playroom set up in the spare bedroom for the youngest I think it’s sad when I hear of families where the grandparents are not involved I was extremely close to my grandparents and loved every second with them.

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off

That is an unfair generalisation .

I had the best grandparents. We lived really far away but would visit in summer holidays and Christmas. Sometimes my mum parents would come to stay with us. But it was a squash with 4 kids mum and stepdad.

my dad left when I was barely 3 and on his access visits would dump us at his parents. It was the best time as we would go for walks etc and just play games. Even better if my cousins came.

I’m sad my DS won’t experience the same as my mum is narcissistic and I’m NC with her. My bio dad lives abroad and is LC. More like an uncle. My ex stepdad is a CF and NC.

my in laws are great as they don’t do childcare but see DS regularly for visits to garden centres etc.

it’s a shame your kid won’t get the grandparent experience but it’s the adult’s loss

They raised you. Now you raise your own kids.

I feel for you OP, your parents exploited you as a teenager and aren’t interested in helping you now. Don’t make the mistake of thinking everyone’s experience is the same as your own though. There are supportive grandparents and disinterested grandparents in every generation.

Not all grandparents are like this.

In the late 1940s/early 50s my mum and uncles grandparents refused to help their kids with childcare.

DH are in our early 50s and we were really close to our grandparents. They helped bring us up and helped our parents out financially.

My mum and DH parents all looked after their various grandchildren. My mum suggested I go back to work and she’d have my children. It was only 4.30pm-10pm until DH got home from work but it helped us and she loved it. She looked after them aged 64-68 years old.

Why do so very many (most of them in my experience though I haven't kept a spreadsheet ) threads about unsatisfactory grandparents boil down to how much childcare they give?

That is when they're not overstepping the mark on wanting to provide childcare?

Anyone who retired more than a few years ago, gets much less state pension than people retiring now do. The government increased the state pension and did not backdate it.
Employers did not have to contribute to pensions until recently, and many did not.
Older mothers in most cases got 3 months paid maternity leave.

It is a generational thing. You're clearly of that generation by the offence you've taken. Your generation have had it SO much easier than current parents raising young kids (in a financial/economic sense - its a fact). You're so entitled and still have the audacity to moan about pensions which are a decent whack of money, compared to maternity pay which is basically half. There's no parent bashing, its calling a spade a spade.

My grandparents did so much for my parents. Most weekends and after school we were with them. I get my parents had to work but my children have slept at their grandparents less than 5 times and my eldest is 21. They refuse to help out for me to go things like appointment as "they have their own lives".
I've got used to working things out for myself... no biggie! It's them that are losing out. I also care more for my last surviving grandparent (92) than her own children.

I had 2 more children when my eldest were teenagers and never expected them to look after them. They have a wonderful relationship, the 4 of them- youngest 17, eldest 33.
I am a gm and I would help my dc out as much as I can but unfortunately I do need to work. They know I will.always do my best to be there for them. Of course they do have to let me know in advance as they don't live near me.
My parents are wonderful grandparents and they are abroad at moment staying with some friends and their 2 young grandchildren. They had never met the gc before and within hours of arriving dm has sent me a photo of df with 2 year old on his knee playing with her and the 5 year old. Df is in his 80s.

My paternal grandparents were both dead by the time I was 4. I never even met my maternal grandmother (otherwise known as "that bitch") until I was 11, and neither she nor my grandfather did anything to help my parents or us. I am 67.

This whole "what it used to be like in the old days" is getting tired. Nothing has really changed - some families are involved, others aren't. It also wasn't better during the war or whatever other rose tinted spectacles people like to wear.

Agreed entirely @Ryleightown Mine are shite and DHs were fantastic but died really young. I am so bitter towards my friends who have really involved family members and we have 0. I don't say this to my friends by the way, I just feel cross internally.

I'm going to be the best Grandma out there!!

I don’t think it’s a generational thing. There have always been hands off grandparents (and parents even) this isn’t a new thing.
My GP were retired and provided some childcare to look after me and my sibling when my parents had to work weekends. Loved visiting GP. My parents were (and still are) amazing GP to my DC and helped as much as they were able once they were retired.
A lot of GP who are now in their 50’s can’t provide the same level of help that previous generations could because many are still working full time and have other commitments (such as caring for elderly relatives)

And many public sector pensions are tied to state pension age

I agree. Women are expected to work until they're 67 to qualify for the state pension. That extra 7 years makes quite a difference.

Good point, I hadn't looked at it that way. I will pause for thought.......
Thank you

So my question is why in the circumstances that GP wasn't able is she not attacking the father for not doing it? As surely he is more responsible than the GP

Please accept my apologies for making an incorrect assumption. I have never said or implied that a father is excused a caring role for his children in any situation. I get really irritated when people always assume mum as first point of call. In any situation where a GP is willing and available to support GC and avoiding the necessity for any parent to take a day's leave, I think that is more than reasonable

Maybe wait until you’re a grandparent yourself before slating them