To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

True but it’s also let’s face it some nrp pay barely enough for school lunch per month and continue to have more children while the resident parent has no choice but to support their child fully.

In a together household a couple wouldn’t have another child when they cant feed their first. Yet men and some women will use even step children to pay less for their own child.

And I fundamentally don't agree if you have DC you can't have another DC because the first DC might get a bit less money spent on them. It is up to parents to decide if they can provide enough resources to still provide adequately for however many DC they have/want. That may mean earlier DC get a little less spent on them but still enough to provide adequately for their needs. Remember DC have 2 parents both should be providing resources for their DC not just the Dad.

No family should have more than one DC if they can’t afford it. Yes when your second is born you have less for your first. But there is a minimum that children need - food, clothes etc. it’s not possible to take from that.

Il not in the UK so not familiar with CMS but to me if you agree a child support payment with a ex that’s what you agreed to. You shouldn’t get to turn around and say you chose to have another child so you’re not going to honour existing commitments.

By this reasoning no family would ever have more than one DC. Because when a second and subsequent DC is born resources have to be shared. When I had my second DC I had less money to spend on my first DC. Surely this is how families work.

I was forced to go back to work full time when my ds was 4 months old because my ex partner refused to get a job himself and I have always been the main source of income. He then used to whinge about how hard it was being at home with him. It’s a huge contributing factor to why we are no longer together (along with a lot of things I have learnt are actually abuse) as I am still seething that I didn’t tell him no. I say stick to your guns and do what makes you feel happy-I missed so many firsts and it’s something I cannot repair and it’s awful.

My youngest is nearly 30, I’ve not worked full time since I had my eldest in 1989!
I didn’t go back to work until youngest was 12.
Why does he want you to work full time, when you’ve got a child?

No @Billydavey I dont believe its a farer split because she has to manage her partner like a child and he will only do what he is told to do. He is an adult with eyes, funny enough the OP (as with most women) dont require someone to tell them what to do, they manage to figure it out yet most of these incompetent men, can walk past mess and ignore things because "they werent told" even if it were 50/50, the fact he only does it when told is ridiculous, the man is a grown up yet doesnt act like it.

If he isnt capable of doing things for himself, he should do a larger split to make up for all the managing she has to do. But any man that requires his wife to instruct him on how to be a grown up, is just a bit ridiculous in my opinion.

And you may think that I am just a typical person on mumsnet hating on men because thats the usual excuse you guys spout, but its not the case at all. I am actually married to a competent and capable man, one that doesnt require instructions in order to participate in day to day life. You know, an actual partner.

Oh yes indeed in this case. I was responding in an overall sense of the system.

What will happen if you have another child and take maternity leave? Does he really want another child?
Looking forward could you negotiate term time with work, school hours. It’s about half time over the year and you would save childcare when your eldest goes to school.

Exactly this.

It doesn’t seem to apply to the OP.

Nobody is stopping anyone having children. What you should do is honour the commitment you made to your existing children. If you can still honour that commitment and not take away from your existing children no issue.

But in this case there is plenty of money for everyone's needs, just not necessarily enough for her DH's extravagant wants. The OP and her husband are both on high incomes, they have discussed and agreed that they intend to have two children together, he is not reducing any maintenance for his existing children, he's just throwing a mantrum because he wants to spend more money on things that are luxuries, at the expense of OP's time with her first baby.

Or if each child deserves say 10% each child deserves 10% not 10% then 8% then 6%.

Existing children don’t cost less because younger children have been born blended family or not. In most circumstances younger children technically cost less.

When adding any new child to any family the existing financial commitments should be taken into account and then can you afford even more.

Splitting his resources between all his DC is morally right. Neglecting to provide for one DC would be morally wrong. If we took your reasoning no couples who sit up would be allowed to have children together. Can't you see how wrong this would be?

The ex can up her working days from 2 to 3.

I do agree there. Him choosing to have more children shouldn’t reduce cms, even madder is when they reduce it for step children not even his own child while the step children’s parent should be getting maintenance from their own ex.

And I don’t think that’s morally right.

CMS will work out a lower payment if a new DC is born.

For me that the op is not unhappy about it is the precise problem. She should be. He is completely taking the piss out of her.

Your update has made him sound even more spoilt than before. I want, I want, I want. You are a giver and he is a taker and it'll just get worse and worse.

How dare he be 'grumbly' that you won't do even more than the way more than your share that you're already doing.

The entitlement is shocking.

I know that everyone has different amounts of admin depending on their own set of circumstances, but for me 65% housework plus 100% admin plus 100% mental load is easily 90% of the unpaid labour. If not more. It is nothing to put the potatoes on the boil if someone else asks you to, compared to thinking about getting potatoes, organising the getting, getting, storing, thinking about when to use them etc etc

How often are his three children with you op?

does he take on more than 30% then?

Glad to hear he does around 30/35% of chores. Those notice it’s still what you tell him than using his brain. Hate that with my own dh. You only need to ask.: open your eyes see what needs doing 😅

Still think his out of his mind to think you should work more to also pay more and still do more chores. To fund basically his children because without them life would be sooo much cheaper. Looking at my three children 🧐

was very clear I wanted two children of my own or none at all

Can’t get my head around this
So you would have preferred to have never been a mother rather than the mother of one child?

of course I love DH

this man you love?

he accepts he can’t force me back in to work! But he is a bit grumbly about it because it’ll delay what he wants (extension and holidays etc)

the one who has the above view and earns less than you and bring 3 (3!!) other children to the table?

Ultimately OP, he's got a cheek expecting you to work more when he's being facilitated in every other aspect of life, and you're already compromising. He's lucky you agreed to do 4 days.