To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

So he wants you to work more so you can fund his lifestyle especially his kids?

Are you sure you want a second child? Till time to exit.

If you were in debt, yes. If you couldn’t pay a fare share of the bills yes. But ffs you are paying 60% does he cover his dc (your step dc) costs alone?

I don’t see the point of having kids then farming them off for someone else to look after them. I wanted 3 days working personally. Going to school doesn’t make it easier I found wrap around care was shorter hours than nurseries.

you are an adult, capable and independent you don’t have to anything you don’t want to.

You need a work/home balance. Money isn’t everything so absolutely agree with you!! I have just went back after having a baby 3 days a week (nurse. So long hours) and I have no intention of increasing it even when they go to school 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

When everyone was furloughed - 80% of pay, they didn't see a huge change in income. Sit down and do the calc to see what the actual difference is and you'll be surprised just how little it is.

It sounds like your DH needs a better job.

Pls do not change your hours. That 1 day a week is irreplaceable, I know cos as the breadwinner with my DH as a SAHP, I had to go back full time after a few months with DC1 and never managed to get any time with DC2, which I resented for a long time until I semi retired about 7 years later but Ive always hugely regretted it.

I wouldn't do it, I'd cut down to 3.5 days and split bills 50/50 instead and enjoy a half day of me time

If they pay household bills proportionally and she earns more then her have to pay less if she did

I meant negative opinion. Generally they are supportive of each other and obviously they both adore their dd. Dd1 earns more than her dh when working full time but they are not competitive.

Bit odd not to express any opinion! Nor do you mean no negative opinion?

Stick to your guns OP, managing work and childcare gets even more complicated when your DCs start primary school. Your DH needs to get a grip on his expectations and work out a fair way to finance the lifestyle and expectations of his DC with his ex. You should not be expected to work FT so his DC can have trainers and new coats.

Dd1 had a beautiful baby girl last year and expected to go back full time after maternity leave. She has now decided she will only go back 3 days as she doesn't want to leave her dd. Her dh hasn't expressed any opinion - she is more advanced in her career than he is - but she doesn't want to leave dd. No one knows until they have a child what they will feel like.

So he has money in his personal spends and still wants you to cough up for new trainers (which don’t sound needed)

I still think he is using you for a luxury lifestyle mine wouldn’t ask for new trainers until the old ones have worn out

and the fact that in order to have this he wants his wife working 5 days his child in nursery 5 days rather than wanting them
to spend a day together as to is affordable

Op if (if being the key word) this relationship actually lasts until your child is a tween / teen..,, you will be so pissed off with the money you spent on his children because you’ll realise how that money would have benefited your children , if not directly then at least savings

It's pretty obvious the 3 DC from his first marriage are getting far more now with you treating them to all extra curricular activities than when they lived with both their parents. Next time they come asking for new trainers when their current ones still fit I'd say did you ask your Mum to buy them for you? Your dh's resources should be split between all his 4 DC not just the 3 first ones leaving you to pay for everything for your joint DC. Hold your ground OP.

Tell him if he wants more money, he can earn it. You're not his cash cow. This time with your baby is precious and fleeting!

100% do not go full time , with extra nursery costs it's just not worth missing out on time with them when they are little. When they are in school you can reconsider

How often are the SC with you?

I can’t imagine a penny of my penny going to towards 3 children that have their own parents when I have my own child.

id want the money you’ve spent on them to be spent on MY child or investing in their future

(Only read the first page so far so sorry if I missed info)
so he wants you to work more so that he can pay less? So you’re his work horse?, he can get fucked.
I have a NWD and they’ll have to prize that from my cold dead hands. So much easier to have the day off as standard than have to fight for it off amongst colleagues at half term.

Your husband must have had a much lower standard of living when he was with his ex-wife. Therefore, his expectation of a more affluent life must have developed after meeting you.

Hopefully you’re able to have a frank discussion with him around finances as I think his attitude will start to cause resentment unless it’s nipped in the bud now. I also think that he maybe just needs a prompt to reflect on just how good he’s got it. He was the one who made the choice to go for a lower paid career/industry. And he needs to be accountable for that choice and not make it a “you” problem.

Id at least broach with him dropping to 3 days. Maybe you compromise on 4 - but I think it’ll give him pause to reflect on the sacrifices you’re making for him and his children. You say that he’s otherwise a good man - so I think he’s maybe just lost sight of this. I do think it’s easy for partners of higher-paid spouses (whether male or female) not to appreciate the effort that goes into earning the extra money unless they’re reminded of it

Could you perhaps up your hours so work the equivalent of a 5 day week but over 4 days, if you want to earn a little more?
Personally I think you’d be mad to go back to a 5 day week when you sound like you more than pay your fair share, and if it means camping holidays over holidays abroad and you’re happy with that then you don’t need to work full time.
There are many 2 parent families who have full time working parents who cant stretch to frequent holidays.
It does sound that you and your DH aren’t really on the same page, I suspect that is because he has other children and as you say has struggled previously with money/tight budget.
The separate finances aren’t odd really when you consider he has to pay maintenance and I can understand you wanting another child. I guess it depends how ‘grumbly’ he gets about you not wishing to work full time, if it becomes an everyday grumble and lots of pointed comments, the relationship will start to struggle.

We all make mistakes. It’s good that it’s been cleared up.

I think the outstanding is working on your husband’s expectations of what is affordable when outgoings are so high.

OP stay working four days. You pay more than your share. You are caring for a child on your day off. I still work four days and mine are both at school, I also earn more and pay for more. I get from 9-2.30 on my day off to myself and it is often used for housework, school stuff, life admin. I would urge you not to agree to going back full time when your child starts school. it doesn’t get easier then they need you more due to homework etc.

I know my husband would like me to go full time but given he works weekends a lot he knows it would be a big ask of me who holds the fort on my own all weekend with two kids.

They got to used to their golden goose.

You shouldn’t be financing designer coats for their children and you/he shouldn’t be funding their entire school trips and uniforms. Both of their parents should be.

You already support via the nicer bigger home covering 60% there that their father couldn’t afford alone.

Agree

OP, stock to your guns. Nothing is more important than this time you will be spending with your child. You are setting them up for life. The early years are so important - it’s where their entire personality is formed and resilience is scaffolded. Enjoy that extra day. I can’t understand at all why you’re being criticised for wanting it

A very frank comversation is needed about finances I think and some boundaries put in place about the fact that you cannot pay for luxuries and he needs to step up

exaxtly what apart from maintenance does he pay for

I do still feel you are being taken advantage of and the fact he would rather you work 5 days and his child was in childcare 5 days is something I would be thinking about