To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

I think it would be healthy to try and reach a peace on this, rather than locking horns. You both need to appreciate where the other is coming from or your storing up big resentment.

How are the house hold chores shared? Why do you pay the majority of bills and why does he not want you to spend an extra day with DD?

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I did wonder if there was any compromise potential -.

E.g. you could go for promotion but stay 4 days a week

Or compress hours - work 4.5 days in 4, even if 5 in 4 felt too much

Is he not realising that it might cost you to put your child in nursery an extra day, so therefore any money you gain is then spent on childcare?

Not if she earns more than nursery costs, obviously, which is likely the case given the DH wants her to work more to earn more

There's quite a lot going on here even though it seems quite simple:

1 you don't seem to have similar views of value of time with chidlren/work/money. So he wants more money to buy a nice car, you are happy to have less money and spend more time with your DC. That's quite an intrinsic value difference.

2 You appear to earn the bulk of the family's income. which means it is more on you, naturally, but with the different inv alues above, this becomes more complicated.

3 Who is doing the bulk of nursery drop off/collection, household chores such as cooking, cleaning and shopping? And who is doign the bulk of the mental load - planning and thinking ahead for what's needed? If its genuinely split 50/50, then you going back to work full time is less of an issue. But it's definitely more of an issue if y ou are the one currently doing it.

What a guy! The cheek of him to even suggest it tbh.

no you are not being unreasonable. he needs to get a higher paid job.

Is he not realising that it might cost you to put your child in nursery an extra day, so therefore any money you gain is then spent on childcare?

I think he is delusional and if he wants more money then he needs to think about his job (and retraining as you suggest) as I agree the things he wants the money for are wants and why should you sacrifice time with your child if this is not something you also want.

Unless he is doing an equal and equitable share of all domestic and emotional labour (including childcare) I would tell him to fuck off.

But I don’t get why this was not discussed before kids / marriage

He needs to step up and build his career and income.

What is the split of childcare and domestic labour?

(Why do couples not have these conversations before children come along?)

My DH has spent my full-time wages 3x over already. I'm still part-time. However, he has yet to clean a toilet. Until he does, I'm not going full-time.

I work part time because dh finds work/kids/house/mental load too much so I take on more of the latter three. I'm not doing that and matching him at work.

Given it appears you earn more than him working four days I'd say it's reasonable to stay at current hours. I'd point out the benefits for you dc/home/your mental health

I'm with you. I went down to 4 days a week when I had babies and once all started school I've kept my day off. It gives me chance to do the school run (usually use before/after school clubs) and decompress (work is stressful at the moment). I also earn 50% more than OH even on 4 days a week, so don't feel bad.

(Tbf my OH doesn't work school holidays so it balances out a bit.)

What did you agree on prior to having your baby?

So you'd be going up to full time, giving up a day with dd, and in return, bring in a higher % so then pay in more to the bills meaning he would end up with more free money?

Is he happy you and dd losing out so he can line his own pocket a little more (on your income)?

This
if she earns more she pays more, that’s always robustly stated when the man is the higher earner.

i understand you want a day a week with your kids. What if he went to 4 days too? I presume that wouldn’t be acceptable…

You need to explain why he wants this, I understand you contribute more, but is there a financial need he is worried about?

I assume he expects you to do everything and support his SC doesn't he? Is he doing 40% of mental load, housework and parenting right now? I bet he bloody isn't.

See if you can work 3 days, not 4.

I don't think OP is unreasonable at all - if she's covering more than 50% costs, it's fair enough.

But yet again the MN double standard - when the DH earns more, it's all "family money", including step children, cos "you and your children come as a package and he agreed to take you all on", but here the opposite is being said.

It can't be one way when the man earns more and the other when the woman does....

Some context required I think. Why does he want you to go back? What do both of your work/life patterns look like? Is he a good partner?

What does he think the benefits will be? You'd be paying for an additional day of childcare, so that would eat into an increased income.

Can't see any benefits myself - that day with your child is SO important. Hang on to it for as long as you can!