To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

Honestly the older they get, the more valuable that additional day becomes. I was considering going back 5 days when my eldest was 1 but now that he is 3 (and has a little sister) that additional time we share is the best moment of my week.

A potential compromise could be condensed hours if you ever need the additional income (I do 90% so the pay cut after tax is minimal). With 2 kids at nursery we also save money on my day off.

I know many, including my DH.

But I’m not in the UK, most men seem to be shit there judging from MN.

I feel like this wouldn't be said if things were the other way around - i.e. husband saying she should do more hours because her job pays less.

And an agreement is an agreement.

Really? I've never met one

My Husband is someone exactly like this. My health is dire at the moment, he works full time, comes home and does at least 90% of the household task and ive never heard him once be negative about it. He will take days off just to take me to appointments and he goes above and beyond. Yes it seems rare but there are guys out there that actually care about their families.

You seem to have misunderstood.

OP pays the majority of the bills and also does the majority of house stuff, plus a day of childcare. And he doesn't want to work less. It is not her who is being facilitated.

@Billydavey
if op was a bloke

...it would be extremely unlikely that he would be both putting more in the pot AND doing more of the housework, childcare of joint, and mental load. In fact, it would be a miracle.

Here we have a bloke who wants the finer things in life, but someone else has to pay for it, whilst he enjoys his low paid hobby job.

He doesn’t want to work less?

Out of inrerest, what was the set up with the SC's mother?

Was she a high earning full time worker, or did she get to have some time at home with their kids?

He’d like a newer car, an extension and more/better holidays with SC, but they’re all wants to me, not needs.

So you expect him to work an extra day to facilitate you wanting to spend more time with your child, but you won't even work the same as him to facilitate him spending more time with his kids?

Why doesn't he get a second job? He's the one with 3DC to pay for after all...

This is a him problem, definitely needs to work on upgrading and improving his own career, you are not a work horse op, there to provide luxuries no one needs.

Yeah right

He's money oriented and money motivated, but only money motivated for you to work and earn more, if he wants new better cars he needs to up his own income he already don't pay his fair share. you do all the donkey work I doubt that would change.
We shared income, Dh worked a lot, I did 100% in the home and was very frugal, we had discussed and agreed to this, Once I went back part time all went in one pot and we shared out jobs a bit more But I wasn't looking after any SC and paying their way or buy or expect anything expensive without discussion.

YANBU. He's being really quite selfish. Your DH wants it all his way.

And covers full holiday costs for his three step children, that 60% also meaning a bigger house and higher bills for those step children too.

While his wife then moans it’s not enough money….

I’ll wait with you.

I know many

Well, it’s literally what she said..

So it’s me who’s changed the goalposts!

Show me any bloke ever since the dawn of time who takes a full day off on purpose to spend with their baby, covers 60% of all costs and does 90% of the grunt work too.

I think hes taking the piss personally. You're already paying over the odds for bills, and while he and the SC come as a package, that package incurs significant time and financial related responsibilities for you. That's a fact. To expect you to take on all that is ok but not if you then get told you can't stay at 4 days a week to be with your LOs in the early years especially as you outearn him!!!

He just wants the extra money that's all this is.

Honestly they grow up so quickly. I had time off work to spend with the children. Now they're teenagers, I'm back at work. I enjoyed all the time I spent with them. Sounds like your husband likes holidays and nice things, and he's feeling the pinch! I'd say no to going back to work full-time, until they're older. It's time you'll never get back again, and you can always make more money later on.

You must have a huge house to be able to accommodate potentially 5 children.

I don’t live in the UK so I can’t be certain but I’d expect kids will continue to cost significant money beyond nursery if you’re working? How much does afterschool cost? Are they going to do hobbies.

I think having kids with someone who has not just one, but three already complicates things on every level. Three kids is an enormous financial commitment. If he’s not a high earner can he realistically have five kids? What if one of the three wants or needs something extra? Is there contingency for that?

I’m not sure it’s “more than their share” for the higher earner to pay more and the part timer to do more at home.

if op was a bloke I seriously doubt you’d be saying they’re doing too much…

So, he’s money driven, but only with your money? He chose low income career, is making no attempts to increase his earning potential, but wants you to work FT to fund his ‘expensive tastes’, while you also do the majority of domestic labour?

OP, in what way does what you’ve described seem like a fair and equitable distribution of responsibilities in a relationship?