To refuse to work full time even though DH wants me to?

Fund not find. Edit doesn't work for me.

Why is it up to you to find his expensive tastes? Tell him to get a better paid job.

So he wants to be a kept man and have you do domestic duties too?

I think that's a hard pass!

He should be worshipping at your feet: you are bringing more than your fair share to the relationship.

First, I'll answering your question with a question for a sec here: Why do people insist on getting in over their heads?

So, you married a guy who you knew already had kids. And now, after having another child together and cutting a day off your work schedule, you're on a tight, no-frills budget, with both money and time, for the foreseeable future.

Okay, I totally get wanting to have a child of your own and wanting a little extra time to spend with that child.

Beyond that is where you start to lose me. Here you're focused on digging in your heels and "refusing" go back to work that extra day, when that's not even on the radar for a couple of years anyway. While I don't necessarily disagree with the four-day workweek, I think your focus is a bit off here.

Because, at the same time, you're talking about having another child? Thereby ensuring even less money and even less time, and stretching the need for that extra day off further into the future. An additional child is a far heavier issue than a four vs. five day work week. And let's not forget, more tension, when your marriage is already showing signs of strain as it is. Piling on even more on top of this could easily lead to a break. And then you'd have far more serious issues than working one day more or less per week.

So, why not step back a little and at least consider not having another child and instead considering your stepchildren enough to fill that void? It seems to me the two of you already have plenty of children.

Also, you want (or rather, demand, going by your post) one day per week alone with your child but did you even consider if his children ever get a day alone with their father? They were here first and they deserve as much consideration as your current and possible future children together, not to be thought of as something he "owes you" for or somehow "not counting," as far as how many children you two have. An additional child's needs would also take more away from them, when they've already suffered loss.

Anyway, I hope I'm not seeming too rough on you right now but I'd urge you to re-consider how to best navigate so things get easier, rather than harder, in the future. I think you'd all win if that weighed in more strongly than an image you have in your mind of what your family "should" look like.

Also my opinion, as someone who's been married for decades, refusing/demanding and scorekeeping aren't great attitudes for a long and happy marriage. As a starting point, I think you're both far more likely to win if instead, you think of yourselves as what you really are now, a team where you both want the same main thing: The best life possible, all around, for your family (including the children he came in with). So that's my two cents, for what it's worth. Good luck to you.

im amazed if you have pointed out how much more than him you contribute both financially and in effort, chores and organising the house, and how he has more children than you anyway, that he has even dared suggest it.

Id tell him that he can whinge all he wants, but youre staying part time until you feel ready to go back full time, and if he wants more disposable income, then its up to him to earn it

Why does OP need to be at work for him to have quality time with his children?

I think given you are paying 60% costs and 90% of the workload, you seem to be doing more than your fair share. Is there any discussion to address the imbalance in workload in the house?

Could you work one of the weekend days and then he could have some quality time with his children.

Now he has another DC with you he would probably be expected to pay a little less child maintenance. YANBU to want some time alone with your baby.

True, I wish that were the case, but from seeing people in real life it does seem to be rare. And reading mumsnet, even rarer. But I think @jimhalpertswife said show me any man, suggesting they dont exist so think that's what some were replying to.

They definitely exist, but I do agree with you that lots is less likely, would be amazing if true.

She did. Good point.

OP has already been clear that her DH won't work less. He didn't even take his full paternity leave. Additionally, his concern is for more money. So him working part time, even if he were actually willing to, would give him less of what he wants on both fronts.

At least read the ops posts.

He doesn't want to.

He's had 4 children but would rather be at work than look after them.

When you look back, you will remember the days you spent with your little one, I know I do, some 25 odd years ago and the DC also remember them, but obviously a bit older.

Definitely stay at 4 days!! You won't get this time back with your DD and in my opinion is worth the one days less pay. Also getting household stuff done during week makes weekends so much nicer.

I do 4 days myself and will stay like this until both children are through primary school.

Staying home, even one day a week to raise children, is an amazing option but is a privilege. Many families have to work full-time. Maybe you can both work part time to save on childcare costs. Doesn’t seem fair only one of you has that option.

But she's also saying she's confident she is in the right.

Up thread OP stated her DH doesn't want to work less he was offered paternity leave but didn't want to take it.

Sure. But I don't believe that poster knows loads.

I wouldn’t even agree to “going full time once the kids are at school” until they actually are, and you know what you’re dealing with.
Wraparound care at DC’s school is not as late as nursery was, plus it’s further away and we walk, so I actually have less time to get stuff done now DC is at school than when they were at nursery.

If he likes money as much as he says, he ought to focus on improving his career prospects and increasing his income.

He might have a point if you were dependent on him to pay more than 50% of the household and shared child costs but you aren't. He's getting a nice 60/40 split in his favour. He just wants even more in his favour!

My comments are made on the assumption that you pick up a bit more of the household stuff on your non working day (i know you also care for the joint child of course). Other than that it should be split evenly when you're both home.

Nah, it's not. People don't know how they're going to feel when they've had a child. Someone who is already a parent, like DH, is particularly well placed to understand this.

I don't think I'd be able to physically produce children with such a selfish and entitled man. It's deeply unattractive.

How did he cope financially before you came along? I mean with 3 kids and maintenance to pay he can't have had much left over, surely he's in a much better position financially because of you?

So in a nutshell, he expects you to work more hours to pay for "luxuries" when you're already paying 60% of the household costs to start with?

That would be a big fat nope from me.

He needs to start thinking about he HE can cut his cloth accordingly.