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AIBU?

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Original poster

Agreed for acquaintance to stay then he disappeared! Twice!

33 replies

BuyAllTheThings · 21/02/2025 07:38

I’m lucky to live in London in a good location to an event for my hobby. I have made many friends and acquaintances due to my hobby and I see them every few months at events. It’s also very social so lots of pub and meal trips after the event so we chat a lot.

I made a good friend Bob who lived far away and would often stay at mine for the weekend during an event. One night in the pub we were planning the next event and my friend was going to stay again. Another acquaintance, Mike, who was nearby joined in and asked (very nicely) if I had any room at mine to stay as well because he was very short on cash and would likely need to miss the next event due to hotel expenses. I didn’t know him that well but said it was ok but i only had a sofa to sleep on as Bob was in the bed. He was so appreciative and said he didn’t mind the sofa at all. All great. We agreed both of them would arrive at mine Friday night. Event Saturday. Sleep at mine Saturday. Event Sunday. Bob would be driving home Sunday night. Mike would stay until Monday morning. All sorted. Perfect.

Friday arrived and I’d given Mike my address and directions. I would meet him at the tube station. He text to say he was stop away. Was waiting at the station and he didn’t appear. Rang and text him, no reply. 20 mins later he texts to say he got off at the wrong stop but would be there soon. He arrived another 20 mins later. Bit weird but ok.

Got to mine, had pizza and a chat, went to bed. All up at 6am for event. Event went well. When it was time to go home Mike said he was going to stay a bit longer. I said no problem, but Bob and I wanted to be asleep by midnight as it was another 6am start. And I didn’t have a spare key to give him and I wasn’t leaving one hidden outside. He said absolutely fine he would only be an hour or so behind us.

At home it got to 11.30pm and I text Mike to a ask if he was on the way back. The message didn’t deliver. I rang and left a voicemail reminding him that we needed to go to sleep soon. At 12.30am we just went to sleep. I was so worried he’d either be stuck outside or would be banging on the door (flats so other people might get woken!) at stupid o clock!

In the morning there was still nothing from him. Bob and I went to the event and on the way Mike text full of apologies that he fell asleep in a friends hotel room and his battery had died. I was a bit irritated but thought well these things can happen and he likely met a lady. Anyway he said don’t worry I won’t be going to the pub tonight so I’ll be coming straight back. He said he’d be at mine by 7pm latest. I was finished at the event by lunch time so said I’d head home and see Bob off and see him later. All good.

Would you fucking believe it 7pm came and went. Text Mike at 8pm, phone off. I never heard from him again that night. But yet again I was awake until 11pm waiting to see if he’d turn up! And i was so tired. I text him in the morning asking what he wanted me to do with his bag of stuff. Just clothes and basic toiletries (he ended up wearing the same clothes for the entire weekend as he left his spare ones at my house!). He never replied. He’s fine. I saw photos on Facebook of him in the pub. I messaged him saying I would bring the bag to the next event. Then blocked him on everything.

Since then he’s backed out of most social events. I saw him once to give his bag back and he just said thanks and walked off. I’ve heard from other friends that he told them his phone died again and he ended up going to the pub so couldn’t let me know and he feels really bad. But I just don’t care quite honestly. We have at least 30+ mutual friends on Facebook. He could easily have asked someone to message me via Facebook if needed if the phone battery story was true. AIBU to just not bother talking to him anymore and keeping him blocked?

I do find it so weird that someone who seemed so normal for a couple of years just went so bloody weird over the space of one weekend. And now it seems like he’s just disappeared. He still does the hobby and goes to events, but just doesn’t come out with any of our group anymore. At first people were saying they’d heard rumours we had an argument! But once I told them what happened they believed me at least. So very very odd.

OP posts:
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XWKD · 22/02/2025 15:17

Believe it or not, that happened with my phone. There wasn't anyone else inconvenienced, but my phone battery suddenly drained when I was away in London, and then the same thing happened the following day. I left it turned off the third day, so there was enough charge to turn it on and show my boarding pass at Heathrow.

The guests behaviour in this thread was sufficiently odd that I believe he was lying. Even if he was drunk or on drugs, there's no excuse to give the OP a short "thanks" when she gave him his things back. I think he's just a twat.

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 14:57

Mike is a rude thoughtless twat and probably dependent on booze
but you had no chance of knowing this because he was only an acquaintance

so next time..,, be a bit more careful who you have over to stay in your home with you overnight, alone

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 14:54

I call Mike an acquaintance because other than chatting briefly in pubs and at events and being Facebook friends over the years I don’t see or speak to him at any other time. Mike is early 50s and was married and ran his own business.

you call Mike an acquaintance because on the basis of what you describe … that is precisely what he is

and when you told your husband two men would be staying at his and your flat for the weekend, one of whom you hardly know and will be alone in the flat with him Sunday night… he was fine with it?

and Mike’s business just be on the bones of its arse if he’s short on cash and scrounging around for a sofa to sleep on in his fifties

Original poster
BuyAllTheThings · 22/02/2025 12:00

There’s a lot of replies to answer so I’ll try and answer as many as possible in one go rather than replying individually.

Yes I do have a husband. He also occasionally comes to some of same hobby events as me and knows both Bob and Mike but he was away for 2 weeks with work over that weekend so I didn’t really see the point mentioning him as other than him being annoyed on my behalf he had nothing to do with any of it.

I’m 40. So too old to put up with bullshit from people which is why I think I possibly got irritated and blocked Mike quicker than perhaps I should.

I am aware it sounds a bit like a bad idea letting what sounds like two random men stay over but I have known them both for around 4 years. Bob especially has become a good friend. My husband and I have visited him and his wife (and went to his wedding!) a lot as well and we chat a lot even about non hobby related things now. So Bob is an actual friend. I call Mike an acquaintance because other than chatting briefly in pubs and at events and being Facebook friends over the years I don’t see or speak to him at any other time. Mike is early 50s and was married and ran his own business. But at the time of the staying over incident he had separated from his wife.

Anyway. To reiterate my position. I would not have cared less if Mike changed his mind about staying. I couldn’t care less where or who he was sleeping with or what and how much he was drinking. What I cared about was him on the Sunday at the event being so apologetic and insisting he was staying at mine that night definitely. And then….. just disappeared again. And when I messaged him Monday morning to ask what I should do with overnight bag he read it and didn’t reply. So that night I text him to say I would bring it to the next event. He read that as well and still didn’t reply. So yes. Right or wrong that’s when I blocked him. He had all day Monday to explain and apologise or come and get his stuff. But nothing. Bob and other hobby friends all agree with my stance on it. But all of them will happily talk to him. I don’t expect anyone else to ignore him or anything. And I will be civil to him as well. I thought maybe I’d get an apology or explanation when I gave him his bag back but he just to took it said thanks and walked straight off. So whatever really. I’ve learned my lesson. No one other than Bob will be staying again.

I think what many have said is correct. He is likely an alcoholic and/or has a drug problem. Maybe his marriage separation contributed to it seeming worse that weekend. He never gave any indication of anything like that in previous pub trips. But obviously I am aware I don’t know him that well.

Anyway I will not give it any more head space now. I will be civil to him if we are in the same place. But I have no interest in being friends with him.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 22/02/2025 08:54

Sounds like he thought crashing at your place meant he could treat the place like a hotel and not have to spend time interacting with you, and not that he was a guest who was staying in your home and should comply with arrivals/departures/lock up time. He’s wrong of course. If he wanted the freedom of a hotel he should have stayed in a hotel.

SunshineAndFizz · 22/02/2025 08:48

He sounds weird and has taken a lend of your good nature.

I definitely wouldn't bother with him again. Agree with others he probably has some issues. Claimed not to have money but clearly found some for long drinking sessions two nights running.

Block and forget.

LoveWatchingTheSea · 22/02/2025 08:47

This is giving me raging alcoholic vibes…

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:45

The weird thing is op doesn’t mention her husband!

DorothyStorm · 22/02/2025 08:44

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:41

You were going to be ALONE in your flat with a man you barely knew on Sunday night because bob had already left

Weird. How old are you op?

This. I thought the same. Really poor boundaries.

I also assumed you were hid affair cover. Is he married?

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:42

You have a husband Op according to another thread?

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:41

You were going to be ALONE in your flat with a man you barely knew on Sunday night because bob had already left

Weird. How old are you op?

DeepFatFried · 22/02/2025 08:40

Is he gay?
In my younger days my gay visitor friends were always disappearing randomly for hook ups. Including stopping off on tube journeys for surprisingly short assignations.

But I am thinking alcohol. And still in a Young Ones vision of what crashing on people’s sofas mean.

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:40

Mike basically admitted to being shit with money!

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:39

Namechangeforthis88 · 22/02/2025 08:39

They're not random. Op knows them through hobby.

Show quote history

Barely

Othermentions · 22/02/2025 08:39

This is all very weird

not least saying yes to a man you barely knew to stay in the lounge of your small flat

Namechangeforthis88 · 22/02/2025 08:39

BMW6 · 22/02/2025 08:30

He was lying about being 1 stop away, he was in a pub.

He's a alcy. He must have got quite smelly in the same clothes for 3 days........

They're not random. Op knows them through hobby.

DeepFatFried · 22/02/2025 08:37

JanesLaundryAgain · 21/02/2025 11:52

Was waiting at the station and he didn’t appear. Rang and text him, no reply. 20 mins later he texts to say he got off at the wrong stop but would be there soon. He arrived another 20 mins later. Bit weird but ok.
TBH you lost me at this. Surely anyone who uses the tube regularly knows there is no signal in the tube stations so no reply would be obvious. And there's nothing weird about someone getting off at the wrong stop by accident. From here on in it reads as if you were looking to be annoyed by him. And you've used the word "weird" so many times when there's nothing weird about this. Just plain inconsiderate behaviour. He probably pulled and spent the night at a girl's place and doesn't want to admit it to Miss Everyone's Weird For Breathing.

There is actually a signal on lots of lines when they are underground. WiFi.

And it doesn’t take 20 mins to pop between stops if you get off at the wrong one. 40 mins in fact because he was first 20 mins late before messaging and then took another 20 mins to arrive.

BMW6 · 22/02/2025 08:30

He was lying about being 1 stop away, he was in a pub.

He's a alcy. He must have got quite smelly in the same clothes for 3 days........

GoodVibesHere · 22/02/2025 08:30

To be honest I'm not convinced that it's sensible to let random Bob's and Mike's stay overnight in your flat.

Namechangeforthis88 · 22/02/2025 08:24

I agree it's weird, I was thinking the exact same on how could it take 20 minutes to get the next train for one stop? Not sure how you'd get out at the wrong stop anyway.

He sounds rude and stupendously lacking in self awareness and thinking skills. You do get people who just waft along thinking everything will work out even as the consequences of their shit decisions rain down on them. I've got to say the most extreme cases I've encountered were in prison. Agree also his thinking skills and decision making quite possibly fly away at speed when alcohol is involved.

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 22/02/2025 08:18

He was rude to mess you about with arrival times

He has alcohol problem

If have blocked him too, you don’t need this drama.

He’s moved on from you and wider group as he’s embarrassed by his behaviour- he may have done other stuff

FarmGirl78 · 22/02/2025 08:07

Bit weird. He may be socially inept, extremely anxious, or had a bad weekend and life went a bit wonky for him over a couple of days. He might have a drink problem. You'll probably never know.

But why on earth did you block him? If he feels bad about messing you about them you've taken away his opportunity to contact you and explain. He might feel too self conscious to start talking face to face to explain at events now, especially if there's usually other people round. No wonder he doesn't socialise any more with you all - you've firmly built that barrier up between you and stopped what would have been a natural route to resolving this.

Fins2025 · 22/02/2025 07:46

Sounds like drugs or alcohol or both. With maybe some ADHD thrown in for good measure. Don't give him any more headspace.

Original poster
BuyAllTheThings · 21/02/2025 12:03

JanesLaundryAgain · 21/02/2025 11:52

Was waiting at the station and he didn’t appear. Rang and text him, no reply. 20 mins later he texts to say he got off at the wrong stop but would be there soon. He arrived another 20 mins later. Bit weird but ok.
TBH you lost me at this. Surely anyone who uses the tube regularly knows there is no signal in the tube stations so no reply would be obvious. And there's nothing weird about someone getting off at the wrong stop by accident. From here on in it reads as if you were looking to be annoyed by him. And you've used the word "weird" so many times when there's nothing weird about this. Just plain inconsiderate behaviour. He probably pulled and spent the night at a girl's place and doesn't want to admit it to Miss Everyone's Weird For Breathing.

Surely anyone who lives on most ends of lines realise they are often above ground. Where I live you are above ground for 12 stops before you get to mine after being underground. That’s how he managed to text me to tell me he was one so stop away.

Look I’m all for accepting that I need to just let it go. But being smug by thinking I’m an idiot for not realising the tube is underground when it’s actually not where I live makes you look stupid not me.

There’s also plenty weird about it taking 40 mins to go back a stop or two. Surely anyone who uses the tube regularly knows that they are every 3-5 mins most of the time.

OP posts:
JanesLaundryAgain · 21/02/2025 11:52

Was waiting at the station and he didn’t appear. Rang and text him, no reply. 20 mins later he texts to say he got off at the wrong stop but would be there soon. He arrived another 20 mins later. Bit weird but ok.
TBH you lost me at this. Surely anyone who uses the tube regularly knows there is no signal in the tube stations so no reply would be obvious. And there's nothing weird about someone getting off at the wrong stop by accident. From here on in it reads as if you were looking to be annoyed by him. And you've used the word "weird" so many times when there's nothing weird about this. Just plain inconsiderate behaviour. He probably pulled and spent the night at a girl's place and doesn't want to admit it to Miss Everyone's Weird For Breathing.