Aibu to drop racist student

I think you need to be honest. Say you can't work with her if the discriminatory talk continues. Draw the line in the sand.

I think if it was just language I would speak to her about it. If she’s not actually being nasty about people, just using unacceptable language then I’d I think I’d give her the opportunity to change (although she may find it hard to).

This is my view . You don't have to like your clients you have to teach them . People who are employed don't get to choose who they deal with . As you have tried to be fair and say she's not a complete ogre I'd probably ask her to tone her language down . My thinking is she may have lived in a bubble and grew up with this language , clearly she has reached a good age where no one has told her it's inappropriate. Just reading it makes me cringe .

Oh look. Another thread about how shit old people are!

FFS..its not 'generational' , 'generational' comments haven't been in use for 100 yrs or more..60 plus grew up with anti-rascism/ anti apartheid movements, gay rights and feminist campaigns. An old-fashioned bigot can be any age.
I've heard far more racist terms from under 45s than older.

I’d challenge/correct the language next time it comes up. If she’s hostile to it (like the takeaway colleague), I’d consider dropping her. She might be grateful for the opportunity to improve.

I had a fairly elderly health care professional years ago, she was well past retirement age. We would chat about things during my treatment. I would challenge the odd view/terminology that I found acceptable. I think that was more useful than me just never going back or ignoring her.

I agree with this. It’s all about knowing the rules and doesn’t matter the person’s intent which I think is too simplistic.

I agree that some terms can become outdated and not appropriate without us knowing so quickly. It isn't too difficult to keep up though if you watch TV or converse with other people. I still hear older terms such as "half caste" or "chinky" when referring to a Chinese takeaway but I always correct people in case they just haven't heard the less offensive terms.

It was only last year that I discovered "Chinese whispers" is no longer appropriate, so I googled the reasons and I understand why it's offensive now and I'm really careful not to use the term.

This lady has used several terms. I could believe she's not racist if it was just one. Also, the comment about the book summarises her general beliefs and attitude to me.

My friend damaged a car the other day and she went into the shop to give her details to staff. The staff member (40s) leaned over and said well let's hope it's not a P*ki's car coz you know what they're like about scamming money. How disgusting!! My friend (60) was really shocked and upset by it.

You're a complete hypocrite.

FFS would people stop saying it's generational, it isn't! This woman is probably about the same age as my parents who would never dream of using casual slurs and would never be friends with anyone who did. People who toss offensive words around like this do so because they see no problem with being derogatory towards other groups ie they are bigoted.

Her comment about the book cover reveals that she is indeed a racist - that's a classic racist complaint, that diversity is being foisted on us by the media, publishers and so on (like people who complain about all the brown faces in adverts, or colourblind casting etc).

Personally I would bin her off, not because I can't handle differing viewpoints but because I find ignorant bigots too tedious to bother with.

Pretty sure the first thing everyone would have asked is "well what exactly did she say because without knowing we can't advise you correctly"

I would call the student out next time and ask her whether she realises that her comment is racist?
I would then put in writing a warning that she will be expelled from your class if she is to make further racist comments. Include a note listing the racist comments she has made and tell her that at your school, they are unacceptable.

So, communication and a warning - then tell her you are not willing to teach her any more.

You don't have to teach a student who makes racist comments.

My dh is French. We are all dual because of Brexit. We have also lived in Germany. In the mid noughties we moved to Belgium from France. The Belgian jokes about the French were epic. I think sometimes political correctness can go too far. Dh dd and I all banter about the Brits / French. Dd supports France for football / rugby.

That said, this is familial in jokes and I would be deeply concerned about the comments surrounding race. Putting this altogether I think I would have a gentle conversation with her about how language has changed and perhaps someone less kind than you may be nasty to her because of the way she is speaking about other people. If you make it about her rather than you, it is more likely to elicit change.

It’s generational to the extent that those are terms you would have heard a lot in the 1970s. Some people live narrow lives and don’t “grow”, she may just be stuck in bad habits. It sounds like it’s the language that needs correcting, not necessarily any underlying prejudice.

I would correct it every time, “French, not Frogs, Marjorie!” “you can’t say that about people Marjorie!” She’ll either become more aware and stop saying these things or take offence and drop the lessons.

It sounds like you could kindly point out that her language needs 'updating' a bit and she might appreciate your help with that. Perhaps even add an extra 'vocabulary' lesson to the others?

If it offends you personally, I think you need to talk to her. Esp the bit that you are half French etc. Then see how things go. You will either continue to teach her, or not depending on her reaction going forward. NB I nearly lost a bunch of long term friends over Brexit rehtoric.

She sounds very elderly to me. No one I know uses words like that anymore. Can you not just repeat the correct word when you reply taking your time to say it or just say 'I always thought the correct word was ,,,,,; If she is bright enough to do piano, then she is bright enough to pick up your nuance. All this modern 'drop them' for being what they are, is a bit basic. Isn't it up to you to make a difference: 1. by helping her to enjoy her piano. 2. by enlightening her with soft power. However, if she is obnoxious, then good reason to go!

You can keep yourself in a protective bubble where people have learnt to use the right language or you can continue the lessons and not agree with the terminology she uses. I would continue the lessons, but then I work with teenagers and they don’t have much of a filter.

You could, rather than dropping this silly old(er) person, choose to be inclusive and celebrate their diversity of language and opinion.

It works both ways, you know.

Oh, and us Brits have been saying rude things about the French for over 1,000 years. With all that practice, we’ve become quite good at it.

But we love you really. Vive La France!

I agree that there might be an opportunity here. I know it's not your job to educate her about this sort of thing, but given that there's a chance she's not realizing how offensive she's being, I think it would be worth gently but firmly explaining to her how uncomfortable her choice of words is making you feel, and why. If she doesn't take it well, so be it, but at least you've tried. And if she takes it on the chin then great, she'll hopefully be less offensive moving forward with both you and in her general life, and the conversation was worth it. Sorry you're having to deal with this though

I'd drop her as a client before the urge to drop her out a window took over.

You are a professional offering a service to a client. This relationship is not like that of a doctor or therapist. If the relationship causes distress, and it certainly looks that way, you have every right to adjust your schedule.

@HeadacheEarthquake well if you’re part French then you should know that it was the French aristocrats around the time of the revolution that called the French peasants Les grenouillère ( the frogs). As the aristocrats fled to London the British nobles took up the name too and it became widespread during the Napoleonic wars.

The French older generation still call English Les rosbifs.
Krauts is from the consumption of sauerkraut.
Whilst I wouldn’t say these things myself they're not racist imo.

I would have an issue with referring to a coloured person on the front of a book. That’s offensive. And deeply racist.

I feel you OP. I had a colleague who would refer to getting a Chinese takeaway as getting a Chinky. She clearly loved Chinese food and I don't think she meant to be offensive. When a few of us brought it up that it was an offensive turn it didn't go well, she was highly offended and kind of mad and kept saying 'it's fine, everyone calls them that.' It's not easy to be the messenger, it's up to you if you want to put the time and energy in to educating her- no judgement from me if you'd rather call it quits on the lessons.