Aibu to drop racist student

Um....is this your first day on mn?
The very first thing OP would have been asked (then repeated multiple times) would have been exactly what the words were, then accused of drip feeding

Besides i think it is accurate - racist and outdated covers a huge spectrum. The 'n' word is very different to 'frogs' in terms of context and history. 'Gay boys' isn't particularly pejorative at all in itself - if they are openly gay then it's literally an exact description, the offensiveness comes from reducing them to a stereotype rather than the words themselves, unlike if she'd called them "poofters" or whatever.

OP you'd be surprised at how uneducated some people are about the "correct" terms. I grew up in the 90s and was told "coloured" was polite then - obviously that changed but I was surprised when I heard a friend still using it in about 2017 when we were in our 20s. Its possible that people get confused with "people if colour" which (particularly in the us) is still seen as acceptable and preferred.

It's up to you. While its obviously not your responsibility to educate her, in 70 years she obviously hasnt managed to do it herself. Given the way she reacted to your mild comment it seems more likely than not nobody else in her circle has mentioned it to her either, which means unless someone tells her she will continue. Surely it's better (both for her and for those who might overhear her using even more pejorative terms to describe them that someone does, and if you are comfortable doing so it would probably come better from someone she has a relationship with.

Whether you do so as a warning/last chance or reason for terminating her lessons is up to you. Personally I would give her a chance.

You’re welcome.

I once went on a course and we had actual role plays of how to challenge things in a non confrontational way. I have never forgotten it and do use the techniques. So something like, ' I don't use that term because of x' it may be something that they have not thought of before.

Exactly. I used to work with a Lady who was from Namabia. At a very recent "diversity awareness" training, the tutor was explaining how the use of the word coloured was offensive and the "correct" term was "Black".

This lady and the tutor, who for context described himself as "Black British", had a full on "robust argument" about the issue.

The lady explained that she was from a tribe that had been banished to the scrublands shortly after the first World War, because a number of women in the tribe had slept with German Soldiers and had given birth to mixed race babies.

Over the decades, members of her tribe embraced their "different skin" and even though they are largely accepted and integrated now, the memory of the decades of banishment are still strong in her tribe.

She describes herself as "coloured" and took great offence at someone telling her she shouldn't use the word, even to describe herself.

It just opened my eyes to how differently people see things. I had no idea about any of that stuff.

I still have no idea who was "right" either.

Wow, cancel culture at its finest in these answers @HeadacheEarthquake

It def is a generational thing she is being rude but it is reflective of hiw her generation sees the world. I would not drop her would talk to her. There is something called reverse mentoring. It's used in business a lot, pls use that philosophy and help her appreciate the world through your eyes and the injustice of using terms and descriptors she uses etc.

Good luck.

With many older people, it's a generational thing. I wouldn't drop her,.Just keep using the correct terms so.she learns from you.

Maybe print up a list of new “rules”
for your classes.
No derogatory comments about …
No unpleasant remarks about people of other cultures
Not to waste time on this sort of chat
Concentrate on music lessons only
Encourage her no chit chat about her hair.
We are here to learn music

If the lessons become too upsetting and difficult, it’s time to let her go.

No, use it as a teaching opportunity. Explain why it's offensive.

Yes. It wasn't that long ago that I was told to say 'coloured people' instead of black etc in teacher training.

But often it IS generational. Of course, many older people - like your parents - have moved with the times but plenty of people haven’t. The casual racism I’ve come across is often in the talk of older people who seem oblivious to the fact they are using outdated terms. It’s as much ignorance as anything else.

OP - it sounds like your student is generally sympathetic. Why not say to her ‘You know I’m half French?’ And then say your piece… Her reaction will tell you what you need to know.

@curious79 "I grew up up in a household using the words krauts and frogs. They were not used in a racist meant way, more like a nickname, though I get how they might be interpreted as such."

Yeah-just an affectionate little nickname. Sweet.

She's a pensioner, she grew up in a very different world. What was acceptable in her day is now considered offensive.

This will shock you OP, the words that we now consider to be "respectful" and "inclusive" will soon be looked upon as offensive too. People in the not too distant future will shake their heads at the vile and offensive language YOU use, to describe people. Each generation strives to be progressive and better than the last, and language is the easiest way to show much better you are than your parents generation. It doesn't require any skill or achievement, you can simply take offence at some words and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Remember when we had the Spastics Society?

Remember when being "confined to a wheelchair" was normal?

Remember when we all laughed at Little Britain?

Remember on The League Of Gentlemen when Papa Lazarou was funny?

Don't be too hard on the old dear (see, even I do it sometimes) she is just from a different generation. It might not be acceptable now, but it was once, and she's probably too old to change now.

I think given this update, I'd probably say something like "Jean, I'm really sorry, but those words/terms are considered really rude now, and it makes me really uncomfortable hearing you use them. Could you stop please? I think it is carries on you may have to find a different teacher which would be a shame."

I grew up up in a household using the words krauts and frogs. They were not used in a racist meant way, more like a nickname, though I get how they might be interpreted as such.
my elderly father also seems to always point out people’s origins / colour. It’s not hostile

i would speak to her

I would tell her the "coloured" remark is racist language that is no longer appropriate in 2025. You would prefer that she stops using it in your presence.

Tell her about your French heritage and that using terms to describe French and German people could be interpreted as xenophobia. You're sure she didn't mean it in that way. If you notice a repeat of the behaviour after this, just sack her off.

I think you're being oversensitive OP.

I also think your pupil has got stuck in a time-warp.

There are 'nicknames' for all groups of people,. Brummies, Paddys, Scousers, Tykes, Meggies, Jocks,

and some that are deemed offensive Spiks, Dagos, Pakis , N***, Kraut, Froggies.

It seems your pupil hasn't caught up with the latest PC names.

I don't think it's your job to educate her but you are entitled to pick and choose what pupils you have, subject to certain conditions.:
Every business in the UK holds a right to refuse service to customers under certain conditions and providing they meet certain ethical guidelines, however, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Navigating this right can be difficult if you are unsure of how it works and one wrong decision could lead to expensive legal proceedings.

There are certain criteria you cannot use for refusal of service. The characteristics protected and therefore not lawful to use as reason for refusal of service include:

• Age
• Disabilities
• Gender or Gender Reassignment
• Marriage or Civil Partnership
• Pregnancy or Maternity
• Race
• Religion and Beliefs

Maybe you should get some legal advice OP?

My in-laws make similar comments to the book cover one all the time - and they’re music teachers….
On the other hand, my mum occasionally comes out with out of date terms and is mortified when we gently pick her up on it. I think it is actually linked to memory loss and she fishes up the wrong word. She is in no way racist and actively brought us up to be anti-racist in the 70s when offensive language and attitudes were far more widespread.
OP, I agree that it sounds like her upset reaction means that she would be open to some gentle comments. Don’t drop her just yet.

Glad you dumped her and decided to come and talk about how good you feel about it. I dumped a new friend recently that told someone in front of me that people do not say things like that anymore. It was harmless and not racist at all but I can’t deal with people correcting and telling people what should or they shouldn’t have said. There is a large amount of people lately acting like the police on what everyone is saying. It works two ways.

@Justsayit123 "Kraut and frog aren’t racist. They are terms old people use"

Bollocks. (That's another term old people use)

Adult piano student here. I frequently chat with my teache. One lesson, after a terrible week when I hadn’t had time or energy to touch the keys, we just chatted. I considered that money to be very well spent. Other weeks, we don’t have time for more than an exchange of how are yous. She’s an excellent teacher.

Kraut and frog aren’t racist. They are terms old people use. The ASA called kraut a light hearted reference.

Any chance of a link to that thread?

OP if I were in your shoes I’d tell her I find her language offensive, give her a chance to change it before dropping her. Some people genuinely seem to live under a rock (my mum was a good example of someone who used very outdated terminology eg coloured because she had no idea it was no longer acceptable). But it’s up to you of course.

I agree with @Icanttakethisanymore

If her views themselves are liberal but her language is off, then I would talk to her about it. People use the word “woke” to be derogatory now - but it partly stems from learning something that opens your eyes and awakens you to experiences, terms of expression and language that you weren’t aware upset others.
I would awaken her!!! - you have nothing to lose and it may help her retain other friends.

I use to use bad terminology many years ago as I had no idea it was offensive. Once I was told it was i have never ever used it again and that was 10 years ago. As PP said, her embaressment might mean she had no idea how it came across. I'm mortified looking back.

I am also mixed race and agree with you. I've never heard of Kraut but I think 'Frog' for French is rude, but not racist.