Aibu to drop racist student

I think that the heavy promotion of a particular brands of DEI is something that can be questioned without that making the questioner a wicked person.

I am learning a language via a popular app. The characters in the app include a teenage girl in a pink hijab, a man in a turban, a young woman with an Afro, a possibly Turkish man. A high proportion of the relationships cited are same sex. It feels relentlessly American 'woke' rather than connecting particularly with the culture of the country whose language I am learning. So, arguably, rather imperialist.

Just disagreeing with people who are correct.

To everyone here who is saying that a person using deeply contemptuous and abusive language to talk about minorities says nothing about their actual attitudes towards minorities, can you hear yourself?

It's odd that the only time older people get any benefit of the doubt at all on Mumsnet is when they are racist!

Go with your gut, and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable at work. However, if you wanted, I do think there is room for the benefit of the doubt.

Frog and Kraut are not on a level with racist slurs imho. I am obviously not going around using these terms or endorsing them, but I think that some older people would consider using language like that regarding England's neighbours to be more in the way of acceptable teasing than anything else. More like how someone from Yorkshire might refer disparagingly to someone from Lancashire than genuine racism.

"Gayboy" yes is obviously homophobic, and I would be shocked to hear it from someone under about 50, but if she is not suggesting any hostility towards gay people, she may have spoken the term out of a genuine lack of understanding about how people are 'supposed' to refer to a sexuality which would have been taboo and sniggered about when she was growing up.

"Coloured" is obviously unacceptable and racist language, BUT it is language which I have heard older people use while grasping for the correct term without any racist intent (perhaps simply not understanding the distinction between "people of colour" and "coloured").

See my post of 7.17.

I don't have to prove anything to you and as we don't know what the OP has said/is planning to say we don't know if there is a case to answer at this stage.

That's why I suggested legal advice.

The courts are full of people who never thought they'd get sued,

What age group is she, as in late 60s, 90s? Also what culture ? Her language use is quite interesting, as in it's very dated and you wouldn't really expect to hear about Krauts or frogs now.

Could perhaps be a sign of dementia (frontal lobe damage) given that it's a strong pattern of inappropriate language.

If I take a rough age guess at 70s then I might expect some folk her age to complain about immigration etc but not really wartime stuff (if she was going to speak out of turn about anyone).

Is there a chance she's taking music lessons to help with her cognitive function? May not be the whole reason.

I know you're new to her and have every right to cancel lessons but it may be a valuable (if tricky) thing to raise.

Even gently but firmly 'im happy with your playing but I'm less happy with a few of the comments about Krauts and gayboys and so on. Those things aren't ok nowadays. How would you feel about toning those down?'.

Yes, I'm not the one making legal pronouncements

Rather than rolling your eyes, perhaps you'd like to provide me with the evidence that proves I'm wrong?

Could this not be an issue just with her language and incorrect terms, rather than her being racist? Terminology has changed so much that it's easy for people to cause offense where none was meant. My gran would say 'coloured' because that was the term she knew and to say black wouldve been rude to her. I think the intent is a big thing here, I'd find it hard listening to her say stuff but I'd probably laugh if off as her being a daft old woman tbh or just gently mention it's not the correct term, it sounds like she just doesnt know.

It's satire - I like it !

Toadie and his pals might like to join some more books that have been banned

https://www.birmingham.gov.uk/info/50138/leisure_and_learning/1435/censored_-_the_books_they_didnt_want_us_to_read

Calling French people 'frog' is rude, but not racist. It's nowhere near the same level as calling a Black person the N word or an East Asian person the C word (those words are racist). Is she saying nasty things about French and Germans?

It's pretty obvious you aren't.

If she makes you uncomfortable and you can fill the place then absolutely drop her. Life is too short to put up with such shit.

She's right though. You are legally allowed to withdraw a service provided you're not discriminating on the basis of a protected characteristic (being racist is not a protected characteristic).

Forget about this old lady. Or drop her. No, better still, report her for hate speech. And in the meantime there are more pressing things to do - petition to ban some books - start with The WInd in the Willows, because when Toad of Toad Hall took a temporary leave of his senses, either Mole or Ratty tried to explain it by saying 'But his mother was a frog'. We need to ban this book urgently. I know it is not directly connected with your remit, but since you raised this issue....

I would dispute that the pupil is "racist".

The fact that she uses the words "coloureds" tells me she's originally from South Africa and has probably come back to retire here.

I think OP hasn't given the full info here.

If she was racist she's have said "darkies", "blacks" or "n***s."

As someone who's done adult ed and is also from a group that experiences racial discrimination, this would be my advice.

Keep it professional

If she pays the invoices, practises and is making progress then the teacher-student working relationship is progressing.

You don't like her attitudes or her language choices and that's absolutely your prerogative. But I'd suggest you simply don't engage, and keep turning the subject back to the music eg.

Them; I don't like this cover because etc etc..
You: I think the first piece gives you a really good opportunity to practice pizzicato.

If she keeps bringing her wish to talk about social/racial issues into tuition, point out that she's paying you £40 an hour to learn music, and you don't feel it's right to bring other issues into that time

I would be far more inclined to drop this one. No, it isn't the daughter's fault, but it is her mother's money and I wouldn't knowingly want to take it.

I love the new ABRSM covers btw - really sweet pictures of a wide range of kids obviously enjoying playing their instruments. With that comment I’d probably have gone for a deliberate misunderstanding: “Oh I know, Marjorie, aren’t they brilliant covers? Giving people from all backgrounds the chance to see themselves represented as musicians! Good on the ABRSM for being so inclusive” (and then segued into a discussion of how the lists themselves are now much better gender-balanced, incorporate music from beyond Europe etc, which is not as obvious as the book covers but still a really significant and important change they’ve made over the years).